(no subject)
Haha, so yeah. I'm not sure anymore......
Why do I feel like such a stupid pathetic worthless piece of shit? I mean, I cant even tell people how I truely feel. Never have and most likely never will. I dont even know...
What the fuck am I going to do with myself. I can never be truely happy. I hate it! Is it because of how I act? Am I the one putting myself down? Am I forcing myself to not be able to show who I truely am? I've asked myself these questions millions of times and still cant figure a fucking thing out!!
Am I ever going to figure out a way to acctually tell people how I truely feel without hiding behind my fucking poetry and these pathetic internet blogs or am I going to be living this life full of regret?
What am I sposto do? How am I sposto go on living this way?
Do people even acctually care, or are they just pretending like everything else in this world.
All this world is is a game that we play, I mean isnt it? If you lose you end up depressed or dead, am I right?
I dont know man. I just wish I wasnt so shy. Its pathetic...
__________________________________________________________________
_x DONT YOU KNOW x_
Shes depressed and lonely thats why she cries, She cuts herself but doesnt want to die, She struggles to smile its always fake, She wants to sleep but she stays awake, She doesnt answer when she hears them call, She stares at the rain and watches it fall, She tries to run but she cant get away, She wants to leave but they make her stay, She tries to walk she walks so slow, The other kids they just dont know, She stares at the clock and watches the time, Shes not okay but she says shes fine.
_x UNKNOWN BLUES x_
People ask me "whats the matter" and I respond "nothing", But "nothing" in theese eyes I have is almost everything, I know I have a lot of stuff and I always seem to smile, but whenever I get real depressed, the "happy" goes away for awhile, I used to cut myself with a razor when I was feeling sad, I guess I tried to cut away all the awful feelings I had, I still get tempted to cut again but I try to turn away, Cause if someone asked me what had happend I wouldnt know what to say, I cant explain the feelings I feel its nothing to describe, The words just cant come out of my mouth believe me cause I've tried, I dont really like to talk about it cause it makes me feel like shit, Thats why I never talk about it cause its something you wont get, I can not tell my mom or dad cause they have there own problems to solve, I can not tell one single person cause I dont want them to get involved, I'm glad you want to help me out but just leave this case alone, This is a feeling thats hard to heal so i'll fix it on my own, When no ones around I tend to cry but its nothing to explain, I guess its another way of cutting its "Crying Away My Pain", Maybe its a feeling or thought or both of them mixed as one, But its not like I can stop myself and tell you that i'm done, I guess to know how I feel you'd have to take a walk in my shoes, People call it just being "depressed" but i call it the "Unknown Blues"
_x Words For Your Head x_
Followed by a morbid thread, Pull the string and watch it shed, Crawling up and down my spine, This eerie feeling feels just fine, Break the noise and listen well, Take your bones to show and tell, Stand in the place you always stood, You think you shouldnt but i think you should, Little ragdoll falling down, Step on her kick her around, Paint her nails all black and red, Watch her as she goes to bed, Create a picture in your mind, Think about it all the time, Read a book that never ends, Write a letter you'll never send.
_x Innocent Sins x_
Somebody help her! Shes not okay, Her mom made her sandpaper her skin away, And now all her scars are all filed down, Deep in her legs is where they were found, Trapped in a cage with pointy nail bars, Alone in the cage with her memories scarred, She talks to a mirror . .a mirror that lies, About her appearance and her feelings inside, She stopped eating food so she'll look even better, She attempted to eat but her mind wouldnt let her, I've seen her cry and it broke my heart, To see such a wonderful girl fall apart, The only one person that can make her grin, Is now banished from her and her innocent sins, How can i help her? Its so hard to be done, Shes so scared of the world but not scared of a gun, God please wont you help her, because she wont be okay, And it would just break my heart to see her life pass away.
Why do I feel like such a stupid pathetic worthless piece of shit? I mean, I cant even tell people how I truely feel. Never have and most likely never will. I dont even know...
What the fuck am I going to do with myself. I can never be truely happy. I hate it! Is it because of how I act? Am I the one putting myself down? Am I forcing myself to not be able to show who I truely am? I've asked myself these questions millions of times and still cant figure a fucking thing out!!
Am I ever going to figure out a way to acctually tell people how I truely feel without hiding behind my fucking poetry and these pathetic internet blogs or am I going to be living this life full of regret?
What am I sposto do? How am I sposto go on living this way?
Do people even acctually care, or are they just pretending like everything else in this world.
All this world is is a game that we play, I mean isnt it? If you lose you end up depressed or dead, am I right?
I dont know man. I just wish I wasnt so shy. Its pathetic...
__________________________________________________________________
_x DONT YOU KNOW x_
Shes depressed and lonely thats why she cries, She cuts herself but doesnt want to die, She struggles to smile its always fake, She wants to sleep but she stays awake, She doesnt answer when she hears them call, She stares at the rain and watches it fall, She tries to run but she cant get away, She wants to leave but they make her stay, She tries to walk she walks so slow, The other kids they just dont know, She stares at the clock and watches the time, Shes not okay but she says shes fine.
_x UNKNOWN BLUES x_
People ask me "whats the matter" and I respond "nothing", But "nothing" in theese eyes I have is almost everything, I know I have a lot of stuff and I always seem to smile, but whenever I get real depressed, the "happy" goes away for awhile, I used to cut myself with a razor when I was feeling sad, I guess I tried to cut away all the awful feelings I had, I still get tempted to cut again but I try to turn away, Cause if someone asked me what had happend I wouldnt know what to say, I cant explain the feelings I feel its nothing to describe, The words just cant come out of my mouth believe me cause I've tried, I dont really like to talk about it cause it makes me feel like shit, Thats why I never talk about it cause its something you wont get, I can not tell my mom or dad cause they have there own problems to solve, I can not tell one single person cause I dont want them to get involved, I'm glad you want to help me out but just leave this case alone, This is a feeling thats hard to heal so i'll fix it on my own, When no ones around I tend to cry but its nothing to explain, I guess its another way of cutting its "Crying Away My Pain", Maybe its a feeling or thought or both of them mixed as one, But its not like I can stop myself and tell you that i'm done, I guess to know how I feel you'd have to take a walk in my shoes, People call it just being "depressed" but i call it the "Unknown Blues"
_x Words For Your Head x_
Followed by a morbid thread, Pull the string and watch it shed, Crawling up and down my spine, This eerie feeling feels just fine, Break the noise and listen well, Take your bones to show and tell, Stand in the place you always stood, You think you shouldnt but i think you should, Little ragdoll falling down, Step on her kick her around, Paint her nails all black and red, Watch her as she goes to bed, Create a picture in your mind, Think about it all the time, Read a book that never ends, Write a letter you'll never send.
_x Innocent Sins x_
Somebody help her! Shes not okay, Her mom made her sandpaper her skin away, And now all her scars are all filed down, Deep in her legs is where they were found, Trapped in a cage with pointy nail bars, Alone in the cage with her memories scarred, She talks to a mirror . .a mirror that lies, About her appearance and her feelings inside, She stopped eating food so she'll look even better, She attempted to eat but her mind wouldnt let her, I've seen her cry and it broke my heart, To see such a wonderful girl fall apart, The only one person that can make her grin, Is now banished from her and her innocent sins, How can i help her? Its so hard to be done, Shes so scared of the world but not scared of a gun, God please wont you help her, because she wont be okay, And it would just break my heart to see her life pass away.