Merry Fucking Christmas!!!
Well its christmas eve morning n' I havnt been to sleep. Its like what 6:33am this very moment, and my mom will be up at like 7:30am n' I told her to wake me up when she gets up so I can have a shower n' finish getting things ready for tonight. Also I've gotta get ready cuz dads dragging me to the church with him, his friends Tom and Joyce for some Christmas cerimoy thing that happends every year, its a tradition for us to go with Tom n' Joyce every year and then once its over we all come back to my place and party?... (well its not much of a party, its just the neighbours and a few of my dads friends, me, mom, n' dad pigging out on food and talking about this and that, and whos doing what where and what happend with who n' such n' such. So boring, n' its the same thing every year.) Oh n' on top of this, I'm lonely this year once the fuck again!! Wow, u'd think I'd be used to it by now with every year being the same old thing. Year after year after year after year. Nothing ever changes. My lifes one fucking big giant stupid, boring pathetic annoyance! Yep, and thats exactly what I am, an annoyance to everyone. I cant seem to do anything right, I'm not the lil girl everyone wants me to be. And I cant put up with this charade!!! I dont know what I'm going to do. Its pathetic, I'm pathetic. And I'm sorry I cant be who everyone wants me to be. I'm myself, yeah but it looks like the me that I am everyone else just has to freak out at me bout this, that and the other thing. Cant I just have one year of happiness instead of like acouple days each month! Like what the fuck? Everyone else always seems so happy and its jus sickening how things end up. Specially with me! I was reading past entries and new friends posts of mine and friends, n' to me it looks like people have forgotten bout me. Or jus dont care no more about anything. So much has changed this past little while........ I miss how things used to be. I sometimes feel that theres no one I can talk to anymore about anything. Even my bestfriends... I feel that I cant even talk to them. I have to put up with this charade of being happy now a days. Like, I mean.. when I'm starting to be truely happy again, it all collapses. Does anyone even care what they do to me when they say one thing and mean another, tho I believe what they say even tho its not the truth? Why am I so blind? Why cant I see behind peoples lies? I cant seem to tell the differance between the truths and the lies. I cant even explain it properly! Now a days when I start to like someone, n' I end up telling them that I like them, I get scared of regection. I mean, if I tell them I like them and they say they like me too I dont know if their joking around or if they really do like me. I'm just a confused lil bitch I guess. I dont even know what the point of this was anymore. And I cant help but be me, I cant help but think and do things the way I do. If you dont like it, I'm sorry. I cant change, I wont change for anyone.
But whatever. Oh n' to top it all off, I like Leon and his sister!! Gahh.... tho I think I'm starting to like Leon more then the other people I like, wich is alot of people come to think of it, n' I end up starting to like others once I meet new people. Its kinda sad how that happends. But anyways, I'm rambling.... I hope everyone else is having a great christmas holiday!!
Merry Christmas && Happy New Year Everyone! (:
Love Jams!!
But whatever. Oh n' to top it all off, I like Leon and his sister!! Gahh.... tho I think I'm starting to like Leon more then the other people I like, wich is alot of people come to think of it, n' I end up starting to like others once I meet new people. Its kinda sad how that happends. But anyways, I'm rambling.... I hope everyone else is having a great christmas holiday!!
Merry Christmas && Happy New Year Everyone! (:
Love Jams!!