Boyfriend...
THE LIFE...
THE BOYFRIEND...
You kno the past week and a half has really got me thinking..did i make a mistake? Should this whole thing really ever have gone past "Hey cutie, I'm Adam..do you by any chance have some sunscreen and a drink?" It seems like whenever I see something worth putting some effort and care into, it all just falls apart in my hands. I don't have a perfect life..and I doubt I ever will. But things were going pretty well for me for awhile..but its slowly falling downhill again. I went through all this last year with Jim. I know exactly what's going on whether Adam wants to admit it to me or not. I haven't seem him in a week and a half. And all he can say is "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Bullshit. Absence makes the heart cheat. This is what happened with Jim, Sean, Mike, and Todd. At first, everything is perfect. Then they become too busy. If Adam was too busy to come see his girlfriend on our one month anniversery, why wasn't he too busy to have four girls in his truck the night before. When he rejected two of my phone calls. No matter when or where that phone is attached to his hip or glued in his hands. So how come when I call when he is out with his "friends" it goes unanswered? Also, a big topic is homecoming. I have thrown an assload of money into this, because my parents won't pay for it. I paid for the bid, hair, nails, and dress..and somehow I can almost guarantee he's going to back out at the last minute, because "he feels too old." When I first brought it up he wanted to go, and I even said "Well, I didn't think you'd want to go to a high school dance." and he said, "Well, I'm going out with a high school girl."
THE GIRLIES...
Next thing I wana bring up is Erin, Katy, and Holli. I'm extremely sorry about my neglect to calling and hanging out with you three. You are my best friends. I'm not even sure what makes me busy, but I need you guys right now because everything is just turning to shit. It's not like I'm blowing you off for my boyfriend because basically I sit around the house and mope all day. Seriously, I do miss you guys, even though I see you everyday. I haven't had a sleep over with any of you since July. And you all really mean alot to me and it makes me really sad that I keep ditching you guys. It's starting to blow up in my face, because you guys are getting mad and aren't talking to me either anymore. So I just want to say I'm really sorry to you guys. I love you sooo much, any of you want to hang out this weekend, I'd be more then happy to. I miss my girlies!! HAMICKPIEHOFF!!
THE BADNESS...
I just can't seem to get around all the problems in my life. No matter how many people I apologize to, someone will always hate me. I'm sick of apologizing. I'm sick of forgiving everyone for everything. A. Jim you completely broke my heart and yet, I still hang out with you. B. Sean you used me and fucked me over who knows how many times and I still try to be your friend. C. Adam you treat me horrible at times and I still love you. D. People talk behind my back, I laugh it off and I'm fine. E. My dad beat the shit out of me and left a HUGE bruise on my arm, the next day I told him I love him. F. Todd you totally fucked up this summer and I still agreed to hang out with you this month. ~~~~> Why do I let people off the hook so easy, when no one gives me a break. As teenagers, are we supposed to hold grudges??? Are we supposed to hate all girls? I can right now honestly say I don't hate anyone. No one has hurt me beyond recognition that I can't forgive. And that's sad, because I have spent so many nights crying myself to sleep over; family, friends, boys, court, fights..everything. But yet, I don't hold my feelings against anyone. I guess I will forever be the easy target...Caitlin McCormick
THE BOYFRIEND...
You kno the past week and a half has really got me thinking..did i make a mistake? Should this whole thing really ever have gone past "Hey cutie, I'm Adam..do you by any chance have some sunscreen and a drink?" It seems like whenever I see something worth putting some effort and care into, it all just falls apart in my hands. I don't have a perfect life..and I doubt I ever will. But things were going pretty well for me for awhile..but its slowly falling downhill again. I went through all this last year with Jim. I know exactly what's going on whether Adam wants to admit it to me or not. I haven't seem him in a week and a half. And all he can say is "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Bullshit. Absence makes the heart cheat. This is what happened with Jim, Sean, Mike, and Todd. At first, everything is perfect. Then they become too busy. If Adam was too busy to come see his girlfriend on our one month anniversery, why wasn't he too busy to have four girls in his truck the night before. When he rejected two of my phone calls. No matter when or where that phone is attached to his hip or glued in his hands. So how come when I call when he is out with his "friends" it goes unanswered? Also, a big topic is homecoming. I have thrown an assload of money into this, because my parents won't pay for it. I paid for the bid, hair, nails, and dress..and somehow I can almost guarantee he's going to back out at the last minute, because "he feels too old." When I first brought it up he wanted to go, and I even said "Well, I didn't think you'd want to go to a high school dance." and he said, "Well, I'm going out with a high school girl."
THE GIRLIES...
Next thing I wana bring up is Erin, Katy, and Holli. I'm extremely sorry about my neglect to calling and hanging out with you three. You are my best friends. I'm not even sure what makes me busy, but I need you guys right now because everything is just turning to shit. It's not like I'm blowing you off for my boyfriend because basically I sit around the house and mope all day. Seriously, I do miss you guys, even though I see you everyday. I haven't had a sleep over with any of you since July. And you all really mean alot to me and it makes me really sad that I keep ditching you guys. It's starting to blow up in my face, because you guys are getting mad and aren't talking to me either anymore. So I just want to say I'm really sorry to you guys. I love you sooo much, any of you want to hang out this weekend, I'd be more then happy to. I miss my girlies!! HAMICKPIEHOFF!!
THE BADNESS...
I just can't seem to get around all the problems in my life. No matter how many people I apologize to, someone will always hate me. I'm sick of apologizing. I'm sick of forgiving everyone for everything. A. Jim you completely broke my heart and yet, I still hang out with you. B. Sean you used me and fucked me over who knows how many times and I still try to be your friend. C. Adam you treat me horrible at times and I still love you. D. People talk behind my back, I laugh it off and I'm fine. E. My dad beat the shit out of me and left a HUGE bruise on my arm, the next day I told him I love him. F. Todd you totally fucked up this summer and I still agreed to hang out with you this month. ~~~~> Why do I let people off the hook so easy, when no one gives me a break. As teenagers, are we supposed to hold grudges??? Are we supposed to hate all girls? I can right now honestly say I don't hate anyone. No one has hurt me beyond recognition that I can't forgive. And that's sad, because I have spent so many nights crying myself to sleep over; family, friends, boys, court, fights..everything. But yet, I don't hold my feelings against anyone. I guess I will forever be the easy target...Caitlin McCormick