Dreams of Death...
I dream a lot of death lately. I always seem to dream of death... I suppose it means that I am going through a series of rapid changes on some level?
To tally:
> I have dreamt about being shot ...the first "alluring nightmare" as I dubbed that dream was in Australia in 2001. I love that dream to this day & the memory of it is as vivid as ever.
> I have dreamt about drowning ...the worst dream I would say I have ever had as it included a giant mudslide which swept away an iconic "house" which I had come to understand as being representative of me. I woke up devastated, because I knew in my heart that I would never see that house again... and that a part of me had indeed died. (I'm just not entirely sure which part)
> I have dreamt about being shot again... though that one started out as an observer, and then I went 'into' the shoes of one of the targets & tried to rewrite the dream. There was a lot of adrenaline and a lot of fear.
> I have dreamt about being in a car accident... as horrifying as that one was, the car was flipping through the air so fast that it felt sort of like a zero gravity chamber... and I was filled with a sort of calm acceptance of what was going to happen.
> I most recently watched House right before going to bed, and subsequently dreamt of getting smallpox. Interesting to me about this one is that while it may simply be attributed to watching House, the dreaming of death still may be considered to symbolize changes needed, the infliction of smallpox upon my person may be indicative of changes or problems that still dwell within me which require work. The smallpox was all on my back.... perhaps suggesting that these problems are not easily seen.
For some reason this morning I awoke unspeakably angry once again at my "friend" -- I also woke up nearly doing a faceplant into my nightstand as I fell out of bed, but the first things on my mind were my "friend" and how furious I still am at him. I feel like he has no right to be telling me that topics are "Too sensitive" and that he doesn't wish to discuss them. MY trust is the one that was broken, *I* am the one who is hurting, where does he get off trying to outdo me on the emo level?!??! Bastard!
So I awaken with that knowledge and feeling, as well as a degree of acceptance of the pending death of a friendship... a degree of understanding that I am by no means beholden to talk to him. I don't do shallow superficial friendships. I just don't. So, I won't.
xoxo
T
To tally:
> I have dreamt about being shot ...the first "alluring nightmare" as I dubbed that dream was in Australia in 2001. I love that dream to this day & the memory of it is as vivid as ever.
> I have dreamt about drowning ...the worst dream I would say I have ever had as it included a giant mudslide which swept away an iconic "house" which I had come to understand as being representative of me. I woke up devastated, because I knew in my heart that I would never see that house again... and that a part of me had indeed died. (I'm just not entirely sure which part)
> I have dreamt about being shot again... though that one started out as an observer, and then I went 'into' the shoes of one of the targets & tried to rewrite the dream. There was a lot of adrenaline and a lot of fear.
> I have dreamt about being in a car accident... as horrifying as that one was, the car was flipping through the air so fast that it felt sort of like a zero gravity chamber... and I was filled with a sort of calm acceptance of what was going to happen.
> I most recently watched House right before going to bed, and subsequently dreamt of getting smallpox. Interesting to me about this one is that while it may simply be attributed to watching House, the dreaming of death still may be considered to symbolize changes needed, the infliction of smallpox upon my person may be indicative of changes or problems that still dwell within me which require work. The smallpox was all on my back.... perhaps suggesting that these problems are not easily seen.
For some reason this morning I awoke unspeakably angry once again at my "friend" -- I also woke up nearly doing a faceplant into my nightstand as I fell out of bed, but the first things on my mind were my "friend" and how furious I still am at him. I feel like he has no right to be telling me that topics are "Too sensitive" and that he doesn't wish to discuss them. MY trust is the one that was broken, *I* am the one who is hurting, where does he get off trying to outdo me on the emo level?!??! Bastard!
So I awaken with that knowledge and feeling, as well as a degree of acceptance of the pending death of a friendship... a degree of understanding that I am by no means beholden to talk to him. I don't do shallow superficial friendships. I just don't. So, I won't.
xoxo
T