(no subject)
Ive been wondering lately if my point, my reason for living is to be a failure, this may not be true but im unable to feel otherwise anymore. Im so sick of this feeling i cant stand it, but i cant change it either. Ive wanted so hard to be happy, but all my brain does is run with negative ideals, i begin to realize im alone, i begin to feel alone, i notice people who have someone, im jealous, i cant even have fun when i know its the time to. I went a hypnotist yesterday and it was funny what he did with the people he hypnotized and i wasnt laughing. I was thinking i was thinking bout how things dont work in my favor, i thinking bout how much of a disapointment i am. I was noticing all the happy couples. My mind was running with thoughts, not 1 good. People can tell me a million times how good of a person I am and it will do nothing for me. If thats they case why does everyone still view me the same. You could never feel anything, you could never like someone like me, good guy or not, hes fat, hes done nothing for him self he is just a loser. He is a disapointment. Well its over im not going to change im not going to get better, the few friends i do have arnt going to make me any better, its just to much pain, i go to bed everynight wondering if i could just be lucky enough to maybe not wake up from my sleep, i dont know that i want to die but i do know that the pain i have insdide me, it slowly tears me down.