Replica Stephen.
There's a big part of me missing right now. I don't know what it is or when it dissapeared from me, but it's been in the last few weeks. My confusion is getting the best of me. That is not acceptable. I do not let things get the best of me. Why is this happening? Why have I got no urge to pick up the pieces? Why can't I just say "fuck it" without feeling bad about who I inconvience. I feel like no matter what I do...I'm always failing someone. Anyone can tell me to cheer up...but you don't know what's going on in this mind of mine. We all react differently. School has to come to be #1 priority in my mind, and it is trying to weasel its way out of that spot. I fuck myself over if I don't go to school...that's a reminder I have to tell myself every day. Work is good....for me. I hate that. I work hard to pay of the debt that I owe. I don't mean to "take anyone's hours". I don't even ask for them....I need to pay off college and insurance, so I'm not going to throw them away. My financial life is FUCKED right now. I don't even have the money to get a parking pass at school, or an oil change for my car that's 8,000 miles over its due change. I can't afford to put gas in my car, much-less buy even a six-pack of beer to celebrate a good weekend. Not having dough is starting to get Old.Real.Fast. I'm in luck though I guess. I think a big paycheck comes tomorrow...
Hopefully.
My heart is a jumble of confusion. I don't want another high school relationship. I'm 20 years old. I don't want to beg and plead for my girlfriend's parents and/or relatives to let her out of the house. I've gone through that before. I don't want to do that again. I want something I can be completely secure with. I want someone I am attracted to both physically and personally. I want someone that can stay with me without a problem, and not have to worry about anything with. I want a GIRLFRIEND. Not a friend with benefits, not a secret, not a goddamn fuck buddy. I'm ready for a relationship....or at least a leading into one. That's what I want, and what I need. I'll get it too...even if it means saying no to someone I care about, and even if it means waiting a little longer. Its not very often where you find someone you're completley content waking up next to...That's what I want.
To my band, I'm sorry if i've seemed neglectful to you all or your thoughts and feelings about things in any ways possible. You should all know you mean the world to me. If I didn't have you guys, I'd have nothing...
If you steal this one...I will kick your ass. No.Joke.
and to You.... You make me wake up smiling, everyday.
Peace and Love.
Hopefully.
My heart is a jumble of confusion. I don't want another high school relationship. I'm 20 years old. I don't want to beg and plead for my girlfriend's parents and/or relatives to let her out of the house. I've gone through that before. I don't want to do that again. I want something I can be completely secure with. I want someone I am attracted to both physically and personally. I want someone that can stay with me without a problem, and not have to worry about anything with. I want a GIRLFRIEND. Not a friend with benefits, not a secret, not a goddamn fuck buddy. I'm ready for a relationship....or at least a leading into one. That's what I want, and what I need. I'll get it too...even if it means saying no to someone I care about, and even if it means waiting a little longer. Its not very often where you find someone you're completley content waking up next to...That's what I want.
To my band, I'm sorry if i've seemed neglectful to you all or your thoughts and feelings about things in any ways possible. You should all know you mean the world to me. If I didn't have you guys, I'd have nothing...
If you steal this one...I will kick your ass. No.Joke.
and to You.... You make me wake up smiling, everyday.
Peace and Love.