(no subject)
shaking, shaking,
lightning fuzz like electric cotton inside of my veins
this is it girly,
this is adderall
do you like what you do?
when you can feel almost anything except your heart beating
and i want almost nothing,
except a whole lot more of this
come back, come back to now
keep breathing
that feeling of joy, of security, of self confidence
that you seek through pink lines on the floor
all of this utter contentment with the situation
as it is
right now
is inside of you
every god blessed day
like a diamond buried in mud
this light and love is here, now, in your very body, in your very being
and the diamonds just sitting there all these years,
under so many layers of dirt and sand, clay and water,
but when the time is gone to sort through the dirty, what we call bad
and all the while, there is this diamond
completely as perfect as it ever was
like time had never gone by
somewhere mine is underneath a whole lot of hanging on to past pain
and the funniest thing,
hanging onto hanging on to pain
because how could i be grace if i weren't totally miserable?
how could i say i am who i am without a million needles of sorrow behind my eyes and eyebrows
and its so sad when people see..
your disguises can only hold up for so long before everyone realizes that it's become an act..
though not because i don't really love you and want to make YOU happy beyond understanding
but when all i can hear while i'm supposedly being there for a friend
is my own selfish voice trying to make sure that i LOOK like i'm genuinely listening
haha. what a joke my mind becomes
and now, when i've talked to much and said too little,
now that most of corvallis has enjoyed a good laugh at the sake of my intoxicated rambling
(who could blame them, ha)
but at the end of it all, even though i needed the shot of self confidence
and i did have some fun out on my night to early morning on the town,
at the end of everything,
here i am sitting, unable to stop shaking and breathing panicked and i can feel my circulation
has pooled to a crack addicted lake and the ends of my hands
though i would not change a thing
THE TIME HAS COME
to learn, with gentle love and acceptance
and know that no matter how many times we fall,
nothing that is real in us can ever, ever be damaged or lost or go down in value
you will always be the beautiful you that you are
and when i come out of this, on the other side, sober (more or less)
may i know that there are no mistakes in this world
and every stupid thing i do and learn from is entirely my dharma
my path, my way of walking that no one else could duplicate
same with you
and her,
and everyone
of course we could live our lives never moving,
always so safe, so as never to get hurt
but if you already knew everything,
why would you stay here? if you never let anything stab your heart so deep,
you'll never know how it is to feel pure joy fully
though we never say never
and breathe, knowing this is only for my sake and no one will read it
because there are so many more things going on in this world
so tom gabel sings of joy,
his voice so individual and real
somebody get me off of this weak...
i just don't want to feel this way anymore
i get the irony of most of what i say
and what it comes down to in the end when i'm curled up screaming
knowing full well that i am not good enough. in this moment at least
we should be able to face our pain.
but got this crack, i just don't want to feel this way anymore
on the upside...i'm learning. i guess.
we'll see
lightning fuzz like electric cotton inside of my veins
this is it girly,
this is adderall
do you like what you do?
when you can feel almost anything except your heart beating
and i want almost nothing,
except a whole lot more of this
come back, come back to now
keep breathing
that feeling of joy, of security, of self confidence
that you seek through pink lines on the floor
all of this utter contentment with the situation
as it is
right now
is inside of you
every god blessed day
like a diamond buried in mud
this light and love is here, now, in your very body, in your very being
and the diamonds just sitting there all these years,
under so many layers of dirt and sand, clay and water,
but when the time is gone to sort through the dirty, what we call bad
and all the while, there is this diamond
completely as perfect as it ever was
like time had never gone by
somewhere mine is underneath a whole lot of hanging on to past pain
and the funniest thing,
hanging onto hanging on to pain
because how could i be grace if i weren't totally miserable?
how could i say i am who i am without a million needles of sorrow behind my eyes and eyebrows
and its so sad when people see..
your disguises can only hold up for so long before everyone realizes that it's become an act..
though not because i don't really love you and want to make YOU happy beyond understanding
but when all i can hear while i'm supposedly being there for a friend
is my own selfish voice trying to make sure that i LOOK like i'm genuinely listening
haha. what a joke my mind becomes
and now, when i've talked to much and said too little,
now that most of corvallis has enjoyed a good laugh at the sake of my intoxicated rambling
(who could blame them, ha)
but at the end of it all, even though i needed the shot of self confidence
and i did have some fun out on my night to early morning on the town,
at the end of everything,
here i am sitting, unable to stop shaking and breathing panicked and i can feel my circulation
has pooled to a crack addicted lake and the ends of my hands
though i would not change a thing
THE TIME HAS COME
to learn, with gentle love and acceptance
and know that no matter how many times we fall,
nothing that is real in us can ever, ever be damaged or lost or go down in value
you will always be the beautiful you that you are
and when i come out of this, on the other side, sober (more or less)
may i know that there are no mistakes in this world
and every stupid thing i do and learn from is entirely my dharma
my path, my way of walking that no one else could duplicate
same with you
and her,
and everyone
of course we could live our lives never moving,
always so safe, so as never to get hurt
but if you already knew everything,
why would you stay here? if you never let anything stab your heart so deep,
you'll never know how it is to feel pure joy fully
though we never say never
and breathe, knowing this is only for my sake and no one will read it
because there are so many more things going on in this world
so tom gabel sings of joy,
his voice so individual and real
somebody get me off of this weak...
i just don't want to feel this way anymore
i get the irony of most of what i say
and what it comes down to in the end when i'm curled up screaming
knowing full well that i am not good enough. in this moment at least
we should be able to face our pain.
but got this crack, i just don't want to feel this way anymore
on the upside...i'm learning. i guess.
we'll see