He took the fight out of himself like last night's trash
Title: He took the fight out of himself like last night's trash
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Platonic Ryan/Spencer, briefly Implied Spencer/Jon
POV: First, Spencer's
Summery: I havent stopped laughing yet
Warning: tellings of child abuse
Disclaimer: Not Real.....the idea of it is loosely true, though
A/N: sent this into my deep creative writing in high school...got a C+ because it was *predictable*..what do THEY know.
I came home from school in a sour mood, can’t really blame me though, I blame the crappy teachers and the even crappier homework. 9 more months and then I’m done. Just got to get past the next 7 months and I’m scotch free.
"Spencer!"
Okay, so it’s 7 months and my mother’s vocal pitch. I don’t even bother to answer her; I just slouch down the steps, padding past my 5-year-old sister, who was playing Barbie in the way of the front door.
"Mother" I said in a monotone voice and she looks up at me, a tired expression on her face.
"You have mail" she said, handing me some envelopes and AP magazine, then walked towards the kitchen "Dinners at 6" she called over her shoulder and I nodded, sifting though the envelopes, starting up the steps before my name was called again, but in a softer voice.
"Spin…" I felt a tugging on my jean bottoms and I turned around, already knowing who it is and what they want.
"Yes Nicole?" I answer, sitting on the second step so I was level with her.
"Can I watch Care Bears in your room?" she asked, holding her diva Barbie and I sigh to myself.
"Promise you wont mess up anything?" I asked her and she nodded her head "because if you do, I will turn into Grumpy Bear and turn the channel to sesame street, leaving you with Oscar the Grouch" I said with a smile and she nodded again, giggling "okay, c’mon"
++++++++++++++++++++++
"Spin…. can I play with your drumsticks" Nicole asked and I looked up from shutting my computer off. We didn’t just get into my room and she is already off to another mission.
"No…weren’t you going to watch Care Bears?" I asked her and her eyes scanned from the drumsticks on the drum set to my eyes.
"Yes… I just wanted to have music so I can sing"
"Nicole…sit on the bed and watch the show…. look, it started already" I said as I flipped on the DVD player and selected an episode she hasn’t seen yet. She skipped onto the bed and almost fell off the edge "Careful!"
"I know…thank you, Spin" she said, smiling at me with her ‘I’m five and I’m proud to show that I don’t have two front teeth’ grin and I chuckled, sitting on the bed too, but resting my back on the headboard, pulling the letters back into my lap to look them over.
One was the internet bill, which I can guess is real expensive anyway, considering that along with the net, I have been calling long distance to Atlanta to talk to my friend, Jon, who I haven’t seen since camp when we were 14. He’s 18 now, and from how he sounds over the phone, he’s got to be even more of a looker then 4 years ago.
The second one was a subscription renewal to AP, which I will defiantly be sending out first thing tomorrow.
The third one was just addressed to me, with no mail back address. I considered not opening it, because from what I can remember, they never really found a cure for Anthrax, but the best got to me and I peeled it back. Holding it away from my face, just in case, I pulled out the letter. It was on regular stationary paper, looking a little bit old and oddly familiar, but I pushed that thought to the back of my head, unfolding the letter and starting to read.
Dear Spencer,
It’s strange that this letter is being written or even sent, but I guess it needs to be said now then later. My life isn’t what I thought it would be, I was think that that all this time, a person will have a happy childhood, an unforgettable teen life, a successful adulthood and a relaxed old age, but so far, in the two decades that I have been on this earth, the only time I can say was happy or even unforgettable was when I was with you and your family.
Yeah I know that your probably thinking ‘but, what about this time and that time’, well I have thought about those times too, but to face facts, im more grateful for all those nights where I was on your floor, in a oversized sleeping bag, just being myself without feeling scared that being myself was wrong and I would have to be shun on.
Let me ask you a question, its one of those ‘Hypothetical’ questions I always spring on you, but what did I do? What did I do to anyone in the past for them to cast this burden over my head? Not only am I an Atheist in a strict catholic home, but I’m also sure that I’m a homosexual as of a few months ago, which is a hell load of grief, not to even mention the real reason I was spending more time at your house and away then in my actual home.
I didn’t want to admit it to myself or anyone else, but since half of the problem is gone, I can share it now. If you didn’t already figure it out, those black and blue bruises you were seeing weren’t from ‘cabinets’ ‘stairs’ or even from ‘William hitting me with a textbook, leaving a mark’. They were from my father. It started as simple pulls on the wrists, to grabbing my upper arm too hard, to shoving me into the brick wall out back scrapping my back and calves, to physically attacking me in my sleep for no reason.
‘I swear that he only did this when he was drunk’ I used to say to myself in the mirror when I was inspecting the damage, but when your father is inebriated more then he was sober, that excuse is pointless.
Thinking back to all those nights that I would sneak out when everyone was asleep and just cry away all the pent up anger I had for him, I only thought one thing every time ‘what will he do after I become numb to these Camisados?". I don’t think what he was going though was normal, and I know it wasn’t just alcoholism, it had to be something else there that would make him snap.
Last month, I went to the hospital, forced by my mom, to go see him. He apparently passed out from all the booze and had to be rushed to the emergency room. I wished that they’d send him to rehab, but when I got there, he was hooked to a respirator and an IV machine. I would have been torn if I actually cared, but I was indifferent, just like all the other things that have to do with my father. I stood in that room, frozen in time, even when the doctors called my mom to the hallway, I just stared at him, though eyes that a stranger would wear and at that moment, he opened his eyes and looked around the room with uncertainty until his eyes fell on me. I was silent when he tried to speak, but the tube shoved down his throat made it hard for him to breath. A familiar feeling I once knew. I shook my head slowly as the doctor and my mom walked back in the room, muttering something about ‘taking him off and seeing how it goes’ and I watched as they turned the respirator off and he started to struggle to catch his breath, it went on for 5 minutes, then the sound of flat line. Something inside me made my stomach twist slightly and before I knew it, I was laughing. I was laughing for all those hard times, for those bruises, for all my misfortune, and I was laughing because now, karma came right back around, hitting him harder then he hit me.
I haven’t stopped laughing yet
Ryan.
Reading the last line, the letter dropped from my hands so fast to the floor, you could have sworn it was lit on fire. I had an idea of what was going on, but I didn’t think it was that bad. Running my hand over my chin, but automatically pulled it back to see that it was wet. Placing it back on my face, I ran it over my eyes and tears dripped all down the palm of my hand. Using my long sleeve to wipe them away, I look at Nicole and she looked like she was close to tears. Oh man, she saw me.
"Nicole. Are the Care bears done?"
"Spin. Are you okay?" she asked me, voice shaky and I nodded my head.
"Yes, I’m fine, Nix" I said, sniffing and she shook her head, crawling up the bed and wrapped her little arms around my neck. I held her until I heard the faint sound of snoring. I carry her to her room, tucking her in. closing the door softly, I walked back into my room, grabbing my shoes and a hoodie and walked down the steps right into the kitchen.
"Mom, Nicole is in her room asleep and I need to run next door" I said quickly, zipping the hoodie up and slipping my shoes on.
"But dinner is almost done" she said, stirring a pot of something that smells amazing.
"Give me an half hour, I have to go talk to Ryan" I begged and she nodded her head and I ran out of the house though the backdoor, sprinting though the garden into Ryan’s backyard, where I just walked right in through the backdoor. It’s darker in here then it is outside. I see light peering under the crack in the basement door and the muttered sound of Nirvana.
Ryan stopped sleeping in his room the night after his father died and now his new home was the finished basement. I knock at the door, just in case he wasn’t alone and I waited for the footsteps and the unlatching of the door. It opened up a little bit and a brown eye peeked out. I leaned my head down and pulled my hoodie back to reveal my eyes and he pushed the door open all the way so I could step in.
"Got company?" I asked him when he closed the door, taking my hoodie from my hands and then hanging it on the hook behind him. The room smelled like cigarettes and Glade spray, a scent that I’m used to but it’s still new every time.
"I do now" he said in a sarcastic tone then a short snicker followed as he walked down the carpeted stairs, I followed behind him and sat on his couch, pushing his guitar upright; he sat, Indian style on his bed, tossing a pen between his thin hands. "So…what are you doing here in my Downtime? You want someone to get slaughtered?"
"I...Uh…wait what?!" I squeaked out and he looked at me with his head cocked then chuckled.
"I was joking… but honestly" he said, lighting a candle and I considered showing him that the letter he wrote was in my pocket, but I thought against it and just sat there for a moment, thinking of the perfect thing to say in this situation.
"So...How’s life, Ry?" I asked him, as if to break the ice like I didn’t know him for 15 years.
"It has its moments, Spin" he nodded his head, looking down at his hands and I walk over to his bed and unbeknown to him, wrap my arms around him like Nicole did to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and just laid his head on my shoulder.
"It’s been four months" I mumbled into his hair and he nodded, fully understanding what I was talking about "and the letter came today…why?"
I felt him let go of a hot breath on my shoulder then he spoke in a low whisper.
"It took me that long to let it all out, and when I was done, I kept it in my dresser, until I just got up and walked it to your mailbox" he shrugged and I nodded, smoothing down the hair on the nape of his neck. I guess this is the moment to ask what I came here for.
"Are you done laughing?" I asked and he lifted his head, looking at me like he was thinking about what the answer was before giving it to me, Then he smiled, not one of those sugar coated smiles, a genuine one and I felt my heart skip a beat.
"For now I am." He said, placing his head back on my shoulder.
I never made it back home for dinner that night, but I got to see a new person in my best friend that made the 2-week grounding worth every single minute.