Heartache
So, I haven't been here for quite awhile. I guess this space is no longer so much a public blog as it is a space with my thoughts.
Life's... alright I guess. If I keep myself occupied, don't let myself dwell on things, carry on, read a lot, hang out with friends, I'm fine. But when I start thinking about how long it is till April, how very much I miss the mere physical presence of a certain someone... Everything just goes to pieces. Its like this tugging at my heart, a filling of my eyes with tears, something that pushes to the surface even if I refuse to articulate and acknowledge it to myself.
Going in, I knew it would be hard. God knows, my whole family is involved in their own LDRs (apart from my brother, whatever, he's 15 haha). I don't know how my mom manages it. I know it's tough for my sister, who has to deal with the time difference, on top of everything. I'm so very afraid.
If I don't keep busy, I don't think I can remain strong for long. And nights like these, when I have insomnia and lie awake trying to sleep, my thoughts stray dangerously close to what I shouldn't think of. Things like these: walking along, holding hands. Flopping on top of him and falling asleep. Refusing to wake up when he tries to wake me. Smacking his face when he starts snoring. Even just eating together, separate and not touching, but the company of him.
I miss him so very much.
Life's... alright I guess. If I keep myself occupied, don't let myself dwell on things, carry on, read a lot, hang out with friends, I'm fine. But when I start thinking about how long it is till April, how very much I miss the mere physical presence of a certain someone... Everything just goes to pieces. Its like this tugging at my heart, a filling of my eyes with tears, something that pushes to the surface even if I refuse to articulate and acknowledge it to myself.
Going in, I knew it would be hard. God knows, my whole family is involved in their own LDRs (apart from my brother, whatever, he's 15 haha). I don't know how my mom manages it. I know it's tough for my sister, who has to deal with the time difference, on top of everything. I'm so very afraid.
If I don't keep busy, I don't think I can remain strong for long. And nights like these, when I have insomnia and lie awake trying to sleep, my thoughts stray dangerously close to what I shouldn't think of. Things like these: walking along, holding hands. Flopping on top of him and falling asleep. Refusing to wake up when he tries to wake me. Smacking his face when he starts snoring. Even just eating together, separate and not touching, but the company of him.
I miss him so very much.