(no subject)
Tell me are you feeling strong/Strong enough to love someone/And make it through the hardest storm/And bad weather/
I really ought to be studying, and it seems like i say this every time i appear here to blog, haha. but i cant help it. my head's just so choked up with thoughts and i dont want to, and cant, concentrate on studying. don't screw this up, siewjean. don't have to repeat a module in uni. sigh. but my head's overflowing with all these thoughts i have, all these uncertainties, all these people i miss, and everything i want to do. studying's the least of it right now. also, im so worn out. so so so tired i just want to sleep all the time. and when i just wake up, i want to sleep more. its not the nua lazy in bed feeling where you could just fall asleep again if you nuzzled down into your covers - its the bone tired, dry eyes horrible feeling. im scared of feeling tired. isn't that funny? im so scared of feeling tired sometimes i think i just shouldn't sleep so i wont feel that way. but then i cant hold on so i go to bed but i know i have to wake up early to study more/meet people/do stuff so the next day i just wake up and it begins all over again.
and i overthink. i think about endless possibilities; i daydream, i fantasize. i cringe at memories (recently ive been fucking up a lot). i pretend things didnt happen. i lie to myself. i lie to others.
i go to sleep and i wake up and repeat everything again.
I really ought to be studying, and it seems like i say this every time i appear here to blog, haha. but i cant help it. my head's just so choked up with thoughts and i dont want to, and cant, concentrate on studying. don't screw this up, siewjean. don't have to repeat a module in uni. sigh. but my head's overflowing with all these thoughts i have, all these uncertainties, all these people i miss, and everything i want to do. studying's the least of it right now. also, im so worn out. so so so tired i just want to sleep all the time. and when i just wake up, i want to sleep more. its not the nua lazy in bed feeling where you could just fall asleep again if you nuzzled down into your covers - its the bone tired, dry eyes horrible feeling. im scared of feeling tired. isn't that funny? im so scared of feeling tired sometimes i think i just shouldn't sleep so i wont feel that way. but then i cant hold on so i go to bed but i know i have to wake up early to study more/meet people/do stuff so the next day i just wake up and it begins all over again.
and i overthink. i think about endless possibilities; i daydream, i fantasize. i cringe at memories (recently ive been fucking up a lot). i pretend things didnt happen. i lie to myself. i lie to others.
i go to sleep and i wake up and repeat everything again.