(no subject)
I'm seriously fucked up now. No really. I bet my body has aged 20 years in the past week because of what I've done to it.
Last week I didn't sleep for over seventy hours.
I've repeatedly gone days without eating.
I had a threesome. Afterward I wanted to smash my head open against the patio.
I drank probably more than two cases of beer.
I smoked many packs of cigarettes.
I constantly went into cold sweats.
I almost passed out at work several times. I considered quitting. Instead, I beat the hell out of some boxes in the back.
Don't feel sorry for me though. Somebody just slap me or tell me what to do. I just don't know. It's not that easy. I can't just say why I'm angry. It just makes me angrier. I can't put into words why, despite my anger, the worst feeling that I have is hurt. For myself. For what I have done to hurt her. For why I have done it. And for the fact that no matter how many tiny moments of clear-headed thought I have, I just can't seem to set myself straight.
Last week I didn't sleep for over seventy hours.
I've repeatedly gone days without eating.
I had a threesome. Afterward I wanted to smash my head open against the patio.
I drank probably more than two cases of beer.
I smoked many packs of cigarettes.
I constantly went into cold sweats.
I almost passed out at work several times. I considered quitting. Instead, I beat the hell out of some boxes in the back.
Don't feel sorry for me though. Somebody just slap me or tell me what to do. I just don't know. It's not that easy. I can't just say why I'm angry. It just makes me angrier. I can't put into words why, despite my anger, the worst feeling that I have is hurt. For myself. For what I have done to hurt her. For why I have done it. And for the fact that no matter how many tiny moments of clear-headed thought I have, I just can't seem to set myself straight.