(no subject)
i feel ugly today. today of all days i see the one person i've been dying to make an impression on. i hide behind my hood and run into the building. situation hopefully evaded, thank you rain.
later, the same heart rendering whistful memory meets a mysterious friend. pardon, not A mysterious friend, MY mysterious friend and MY memory. did you hear that? MINE! i am bitter and angry and frustrated. even if my memory will never again be a reality and even if i don't desire my memory to be a reality again, i still want it to be frozen in the state that i left it, untouched by anything familiar.
today is an irritating day.. ridiculous dreams followed by waking up twenty minutes into my first class followed by twenty minutes of sitting in my bed thinking about what i should do, followed by relief when i realize i can con the teacher into thinking that i asked to sit in on her next class. another situation evaded, thank you rain.
i find myself encountering the same people over and over again. not the same body, but the same people. there is always someone who resembles or reminds me of someone else i've already known. but it is all on the surface? probably. but it's more comforting and maintainable this way. categorizing the unfamiliar into something recognizable and known diminishes the curiosity that once consumed me, but it also binds me to the past, which is exactly what i don't want.
later, the same heart rendering whistful memory meets a mysterious friend. pardon, not A mysterious friend, MY mysterious friend and MY memory. did you hear that? MINE! i am bitter and angry and frustrated. even if my memory will never again be a reality and even if i don't desire my memory to be a reality again, i still want it to be frozen in the state that i left it, untouched by anything familiar.
today is an irritating day.. ridiculous dreams followed by waking up twenty minutes into my first class followed by twenty minutes of sitting in my bed thinking about what i should do, followed by relief when i realize i can con the teacher into thinking that i asked to sit in on her next class. another situation evaded, thank you rain.
i find myself encountering the same people over and over again. not the same body, but the same people. there is always someone who resembles or reminds me of someone else i've already known. but it is all on the surface? probably. but it's more comforting and maintainable this way. categorizing the unfamiliar into something recognizable and known diminishes the curiosity that once consumed me, but it also binds me to the past, which is exactly what i don't want.