Dear You
Whenever something happens like this I just start flipping out. I cant help it. Then I wonder if maybe I’m just overreacting, if I’m being too overprotective of myself. But after I finish thinking about it, and after I finish analyzing everything, I realize that I’m not. I never do. It’s kind of a let down. Cause now instead of it just being one girl who’s just too anal for her own good, I realize that the world is just a fucked up place. And that really just kills my mood. This sucks. It really just sucks. The one person who I know for a fact wouldn’t think of themselves first, the ONLY person whom I KNOW would go out of their way to do something for someone else, is the one person I can’t go to. Why is it that people are only out for their own self gain? Why is it that people are so fucking ignorant? Why do people need to keep secrets?
Kay. Things are going to be different.
The people that I hang out with are just too involved in drama.
Who needs gossip anyway?
From now on, no more secrets.
I’m not telling them, I’m not keeping them.
Maybe TK’s right.
Is love worth more than friendship?
Dear ____,
It’s definitely been a while. How have YOU been? I’m alright I guess. Things have started to get better anyway, I suppose. You know what, actually not really. I’ve decided from now on no more drama. I’ve been done with it for a while now, but this times way different. I’m not going to keep secrets, including from myself so I guess I shouldn’t keep any from you either right? That makes sense. I just don’t really care anymore. About anything. Last night, Wendy was saying how weird it was how people could look perfectly fine on the outside, but in reality be the exact opposite. That described me kind of. Jacklyn told me that you only pretend to hate me. If I could I’d tell you how dumb that was. How is lying to yourself supposed to help you? See, in a way we’re kind of the same. Except I’m not going to keep things from myself anymore. How are we supposed to grow and get past whatever’s bothering us if we’re just one big lie? That’s what I think you are anyway, one big lie. You continue to try to convince yourself about something, but it really doesn’t work huh? Your system sucks. You should try mine. The first step to getting over your problem is admitting you have one. My problem is me, your problem is me too. If you think this is a cry for help, its not. I want to do this by myself. No help from anyone. How can someone help me when the problem is me? Does that make sense? I don’t care. Anyway, I don’t know why I’m writing to you, but I guess I just starting writing randomly in response. I wish I was as happy as I’m pretending too. To tell you the truth, I wish your life wasn’t as good as you say it is. Not because I’m not in it, just because I’m not happy, so I figure you should come down with me. Selfish yes, but that’s the way I think. I honestly think that I don’t miss you. I think I miss having someone there. Well no, scratch that. I miss parts of you. I miss the part of you that I fell in love with. But I guess that’s obvious right? I think that I don’t miss the rest of you though. It’s not even that I hated fighting so much as I hated the feeling that I never was good enough for you. It seemed like you were always looking for something else, and that I was just there until you found it. You made me feel like I wasn’t enough and I hated that. So I guess its not the way you were, but the way you made me feel about myself. Honestly, I don’t think you know exactly what you want either, but you use me as an excuse for now. Anyway, I really hope you don’t find it. Selfish yes, but that’s the way I am. I have so many different views of you I’m not sure which one you really are. It seems like you put up fronts, you try to be too many people at once. Hey maybe you’re a schizo, you might wanna get that checked out or something. Maybe you’re like that guy in Fight Club. That’s such a good movie. You should watch it. Anyway, this turned out way different than I expected it to, but I’m going to keep it because there’s no secrets anymore. I hope that you aren’t as happy next time I write you. I know I’ll see you again.
-Mallory Iden
Kay. Things are going to be different.
The people that I hang out with are just too involved in drama.
Who needs gossip anyway?
From now on, no more secrets.
I’m not telling them, I’m not keeping them.
Maybe TK’s right.
Is love worth more than friendship?
Dear ____,
It’s definitely been a while. How have YOU been? I’m alright I guess. Things have started to get better anyway, I suppose. You know what, actually not really. I’ve decided from now on no more drama. I’ve been done with it for a while now, but this times way different. I’m not going to keep secrets, including from myself so I guess I shouldn’t keep any from you either right? That makes sense. I just don’t really care anymore. About anything. Last night, Wendy was saying how weird it was how people could look perfectly fine on the outside, but in reality be the exact opposite. That described me kind of. Jacklyn told me that you only pretend to hate me. If I could I’d tell you how dumb that was. How is lying to yourself supposed to help you? See, in a way we’re kind of the same. Except I’m not going to keep things from myself anymore. How are we supposed to grow and get past whatever’s bothering us if we’re just one big lie? That’s what I think you are anyway, one big lie. You continue to try to convince yourself about something, but it really doesn’t work huh? Your system sucks. You should try mine. The first step to getting over your problem is admitting you have one. My problem is me, your problem is me too. If you think this is a cry for help, its not. I want to do this by myself. No help from anyone. How can someone help me when the problem is me? Does that make sense? I don’t care. Anyway, I don’t know why I’m writing to you, but I guess I just starting writing randomly in response. I wish I was as happy as I’m pretending too. To tell you the truth, I wish your life wasn’t as good as you say it is. Not because I’m not in it, just because I’m not happy, so I figure you should come down with me. Selfish yes, but that’s the way I think. I honestly think that I don’t miss you. I think I miss having someone there. Well no, scratch that. I miss parts of you. I miss the part of you that I fell in love with. But I guess that’s obvious right? I think that I don’t miss the rest of you though. It’s not even that I hated fighting so much as I hated the feeling that I never was good enough for you. It seemed like you were always looking for something else, and that I was just there until you found it. You made me feel like I wasn’t enough and I hated that. So I guess its not the way you were, but the way you made me feel about myself. Honestly, I don’t think you know exactly what you want either, but you use me as an excuse for now. Anyway, I really hope you don’t find it. Selfish yes, but that’s the way I am. I have so many different views of you I’m not sure which one you really are. It seems like you put up fronts, you try to be too many people at once. Hey maybe you’re a schizo, you might wanna get that checked out or something. Maybe you’re like that guy in Fight Club. That’s such a good movie. You should watch it. Anyway, this turned out way different than I expected it to, but I’m going to keep it because there’s no secrets anymore. I hope that you aren’t as happy next time I write you. I know I’ll see you again.
-Mallory Iden