Christmas Count-down
HALP! My procrastination has reached record levels and now I'm down to just 9 days before Christmas without lifting a finger nor wallet towards gift shopping!
My main concern is Pineapple, of course. What do you give a man whose office looks like NASA headquarters? He's got the latest in...everything, really. His desk is on the other side of the room from mine and I hear all of his machines and processors blipping and beeping behind me and it freaks me out a little because I don't know what it all means and...well, what if he's building a Fembot over there or something? I mean, I guess it would be cool since it would give me a pseudo-person to take my aggressions out on and to order around the house, but what if she's prettier than me?
And so. His space under the tree remains empty. He half-heartedly suggested Family Guy Volume 1 for his PSP (not the game), but that seems like a rather cheesy gift on my part. After all, the boy already gave me my early gift and it was the frickin' Treo 680. Somehow a stupid cartoon cartridge just doesn't quite measure up to that boatload of awesome.
My friends I'm not too worried about since gift cards are enough to send them into gales of excitement and flurries of hugs. My mom, nieces and nephews are already taken care of. (Actually, I could give my mom a potted plant for all the difference it would make to her non-existent holiday spirit. I should just send her a male stripper to shock her out of her funk. What do you think? Y/N)
It figures the one person I'm stressing the most about would be my own husband, whom I purportedly know like the back of my hand. Except, it's not a matter of knowing what he likes--you don't spend 10 years with a person without knowing where his tastes lie, for crying out loud--no, it's a matter of knowing what he LOVES.
And getting him that something you couldn't just pick up any old day of the week.
For example, I could easily spend 20 minutes on a blameless Tuesday afternoon in July and grab that Family Guy Volume 1 cartridge (I keep seeing that as "cartlidge"), so what's so christmas-y about THAT? That's like saying "Oh, just get me shorts and tank tops. Never have enough of those!" Come on now.
THE FRICKIN' Treo 680, PEOPLE! HE'S EFFECTIVELY TRUMPED ME!
I could get him the XBox 360, but not sure how easy that version is to modify. And Pineapple loves his custom mods, cherubs. You should see what he's done to his computer--I could probably dispatch the entire Naval Fleet in San Diego on his keyboard.
I could get him the Nintendo Wii, but I've been reading negative reviews on it already. Also, there's a story going around that the wriststraps are discovered to have been made very cheaply and are breaking. In fact, a ton of them are being recalled at the time of this writing. I couldn't in good conscience get him a gift I know will completely suck in 2 days, know whut a'mean?
I really want to get him the voice-activated car starter whatsit, but I have to find an excuse to borrow his car. And seeing as I borrow his car about as often as we engage in anal sex (NEVER, IN OTHER WORDS), that would be pretty conspicuous indeed. Of course, he wouldn't know what I was modifying his car WITH, but he would know something was indeed going down involving his car. And I'm stubborn and like suprises to be complete surprises, without any traces of suspicion anywhere.
Am I being too control freakish about this? Or OCD'ish? Or any clinically labeled disorder'ish? Because I just can't relax. My hair's starting to fall out, I swear to god. I fully expect an outbreak of the shingles to crop up out of nowhere. My dogs whine when they're near me, I'm so wound up with bizarre vibes.
And my mailman won't talk to me anymore. Of course, he hasn't gotten so much as a grunt in his general direction for 2 weeks now, but still--thought those guys were supposed to be loyal and steadfast? Rain or shine and all that? Lies!
I don't know what I'm going to do. And I find myself filled with resentment towards people who cheerily announce, "I'm done with all MY shopping!" It really makes me want to break into their house and steal their gifts, forcing them to shop all over again, and then give the gifts back to them next August.
Ass biscuits.
My main concern is Pineapple, of course. What do you give a man whose office looks like NASA headquarters? He's got the latest in...everything, really. His desk is on the other side of the room from mine and I hear all of his machines and processors blipping and beeping behind me and it freaks me out a little because I don't know what it all means and...well, what if he's building a Fembot over there or something? I mean, I guess it would be cool since it would give me a pseudo-person to take my aggressions out on and to order around the house, but what if she's prettier than me?
And so. His space under the tree remains empty. He half-heartedly suggested Family Guy Volume 1 for his PSP (not the game), but that seems like a rather cheesy gift on my part. After all, the boy already gave me my early gift and it was the frickin' Treo 680. Somehow a stupid cartoon cartridge just doesn't quite measure up to that boatload of awesome.
My friends I'm not too worried about since gift cards are enough to send them into gales of excitement and flurries of hugs. My mom, nieces and nephews are already taken care of. (Actually, I could give my mom a potted plant for all the difference it would make to her non-existent holiday spirit. I should just send her a male stripper to shock her out of her funk. What do you think? Y/N)
It figures the one person I'm stressing the most about would be my own husband, whom I purportedly know like the back of my hand. Except, it's not a matter of knowing what he likes--you don't spend 10 years with a person without knowing where his tastes lie, for crying out loud--no, it's a matter of knowing what he LOVES.
And getting him that something you couldn't just pick up any old day of the week.
For example, I could easily spend 20 minutes on a blameless Tuesday afternoon in July and grab that Family Guy Volume 1 cartridge (I keep seeing that as "cartlidge"), so what's so christmas-y about THAT? That's like saying "Oh, just get me shorts and tank tops. Never have enough of those!" Come on now.
THE FRICKIN' Treo 680, PEOPLE! HE'S EFFECTIVELY TRUMPED ME!
I could get him the XBox 360, but not sure how easy that version is to modify. And Pineapple loves his custom mods, cherubs. You should see what he's done to his computer--I could probably dispatch the entire Naval Fleet in San Diego on his keyboard.
I could get him the Nintendo Wii, but I've been reading negative reviews on it already. Also, there's a story going around that the wriststraps are discovered to have been made very cheaply and are breaking. In fact, a ton of them are being recalled at the time of this writing. I couldn't in good conscience get him a gift I know will completely suck in 2 days, know whut a'mean?
I really want to get him the voice-activated car starter whatsit, but I have to find an excuse to borrow his car. And seeing as I borrow his car about as often as we engage in anal sex (NEVER, IN OTHER WORDS), that would be pretty conspicuous indeed. Of course, he wouldn't know what I was modifying his car WITH, but he would know something was indeed going down involving his car. And I'm stubborn and like suprises to be complete surprises, without any traces of suspicion anywhere.
Am I being too control freakish about this? Or OCD'ish? Or any clinically labeled disorder'ish? Because I just can't relax. My hair's starting to fall out, I swear to god. I fully expect an outbreak of the shingles to crop up out of nowhere. My dogs whine when they're near me, I'm so wound up with bizarre vibes.
And my mailman won't talk to me anymore. Of course, he hasn't gotten so much as a grunt in his general direction for 2 weeks now, but still--thought those guys were supposed to be loyal and steadfast? Rain or shine and all that? Lies!
I don't know what I'm going to do. And I find myself filled with resentment towards people who cheerily announce, "I'm done with all MY shopping!" It really makes me want to break into their house and steal their gifts, forcing them to shop all over again, and then give the gifts back to them next August.
Ass biscuits.