Bored of directors
God, I'm bored. I'm so bored, I'm almost too lazy to experience boredom, you know? Ever get like that? It feels like it's been weeks since I took joy in anything I've done and I sit here staring blankly at whatever the Internet decides to tube my way, all the while observing half-heartedly how boring it all is. I mean, what's the point? In ANY of it? I'm typing away at this frightening expanse of white without a clue as to where this entry will end up.
Which reminds me; I was supposed to entertain y'all with an update about the Halloween trip to Disneyland (with photos!), but the mini vacation got pushed back two weeks. You can thank the walking pot roast that is my fat boss for that one--he's the one who cajoled me into postponing the trip because we have conventions coming up and apparently an entire city of debauched businessmen will converge on our stripclub in sore need of herpes.
(Apologies to the strippers on my F-list, I'm quite sure you yourselves don't have herpes.)
(And if you do, I apologize even more for being so insensitive. I wish you...I wish you crotch relief and I mean that.)
Oh wait, I know what I can talk about--Pineapple's and my visit to The Body Exhibit at the Tropicana hotel. It's a huge display featuring real cadavers that have been forever preserved in some kind of silicone substance.
This procedure is called "plastination" and it is quite astonishing how intact these dead people are. There were even bodies that consisted solely of arteries and veins, without their bones and muscles, floating in some kind of liquid. They looked like someone knitted them out of red yarn.
By the way, wonder what their families think of it? "And that there's Uncle Morris, son. He looks just as vascular as yesterday, doesn't he!"
When we showed the dust in a dress that was the ticket taker our entrance tickets, she lectured us in her quavering voice that we were to shut off all cellphones and put away all cameras as photos were strictly prohibited inside the exhibit. So I took out my phone and made a big show of pushing random buttons to make it look like I shut it off as I fully intended to take as many photos with my camera phone as I could possibly get away with. I would've gotten away with it, too, if my girlfriend Felicia hadn't chosen THAT EXACT FRIGGIN' MOMENT TO CALL ME.
Thanks, Felicia. Personally, I felt your inquiries as to which way I preferred the toilet paper to be displayed (over or under?) could've waited til later, but you know what? If it's important to you, it's important to me. [SARCASMFACE] Needless to say, old exhibit lady croaked for me to turn off my phone, infinite disapproval on her mummified face.
The show was pretty gross, too. You walked through this maze of rooms, hand-painted dark colors with macabre holograms lighting up each wall (not unlike a haunted house fashioned out of plywood and spit) with cadavers and isolated organs suspended forever in plastination in decorative glass display cases.
Like, half a guy's face would be lying prone by itself on a bed of black felt, closed-eyed and open-mouth. You could still see remnants of light blonde eyelashes on his sunken lids. I fumbled for my camera phone, but Pineapple clamped down on my arm to stop me. Security disguised in doctor's labcoats strolled nonchalantly by.
Fuck.
The best was the dead baby exhibit. Before you entered the special room, there was a plaque on the eggplant-colored wall that read WARNING! IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SUCH VISUALS, PLEASE CONSIDER SKIPPING THIS PORTION OF THE EXHIBIT!, etc., so of course I couldn't wait to enter.
Wait. Maybe I oughta put up my own disclaimer for my F-List:
WARNING! IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SUCH SUBJECTS, PLEASE CONSIDER SKIPPING THIS PORTION OF THE POST!
And that was my good deed for the day.
When we walked into the room, we were greeted with a large display of a row of lighted glass vases lined up on a table carrying floating fetus specimens. 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 12 weeks. It looked like egg drop soup in the shape of tiny babies in various sizes. A grisly description, but an honest one.
Next were the natural miscarriages i.e. not aborted. They seemed healthy and whole and I felt twinges in my cold, latex heart at the sight of lost life and potential.
The most interesting were the abnormal bodies. Look, I'm a mother, too, but I've spent far too many years surfing StileProject for things like this to affect me profoundly, so I viewed the displays with the reptilian eyes of a scientist and closely observed the anomalies. One half-developed fetus was missing a neck and the top of it's skull. It looked like a white frog with arms. It was the size of...well, a frog.
The next specimen was a fully developed fetus with it's insides growing on it's stomach--heart, lungs, intestines. I forget the medical term for it, even though I just had it in my mind not half a minute ago. Be careful Googling it, though. You might get a site that features photos of an example.
And that's all I'm going to say about the infant cadaver exhibit. I can see you all looking at me funny.
Floating eyeballs! Forgot about those. They were all veiny with long strands of arteries hanging down the back of them, too. Horror movies don't lie, man, unnaturally removed eyeballs really do look like alien squid.
Ok, now I'm done. I'm still very bitter over the fact that I don't have photos with which to back up my claims, but whaddya gonna do? I guess I could pay the $27 to go back and try another covert operation with my camera phone, but you wouldn't do it for me, so screw you.
...
Oh hell to the naw! I just Googled "Body Exhibit" and found this photo, which means somebody totally rebelled against authority and busted out their camera anyway. That's it, I'm going back with a camcorder. UP YOURS, OLD TICKET-TAKER LADY!
ETA: This is what a late night conversation with me degenerates into:
skyblade: Golioth frogs are the biggest frog in the world, I think
sexion8: Yep.
sexion8: I watched Jeff Corwin haul one up out of the mud on one of his shows and the damn thing was nearly as long as he was.
skyblade: Yeah, it's pretty freaky
skyblade: though frogs are a gentle animal
sexion8: Love 'em myself.
sexion8: Love all living things, actually, but especially things that have been biggie sized.
sexion8: (Elephants being my #1)
skyblade: Aw
skyblade: Elephants would be a hard pet to keep
sexion8: What? Just plant a cornfield on a couple of acres and let him roam at will.
skyblade: I don't think he wants corn
sexion8: I think that's what they do over there in Africa at their different sanctuaries. Elephants are known corn-lovers.
skyblade: he wants...trees or something
skyblade: when he has a cold, it'll keep the neighborhood up
sexion8: Nah. They eat corn, squash, carrots. They only eat trees if that's all that's available.
sexion8: Oh man, can you imagine if one sneezed on you?
sexion8: I'm sure you can. After all, a similar scene was played out in Jurassic Park.
sexion8: With the "veggie-saurs".
skyblade: Indeed
skyblade: a guy I know was convinced that scene was proof Spielberg was a pedophile
sexion8: The fuck? What was his logic?
skyblade: That it looked like a penis ejaculating on two young kids
skyblade: But this is the best part
skyblade: He also thought Lucas was in on it
skyblade: That they were both kid-fiddlers
skyblade: And he's like "Look at Natalie Portman. Why doesn't he know what to do with an adult woman in the Star Wars movies when she was so great in the Professional"
skyblade: And I go "Wait...you didn't see any pedophile undertones in the Professional?"
skyblade: "I don't see what this has to do with anything, but no, I didn't."
sexion8: Wow. You can see the idiocy for miles on a clear day.
sexion8: But that is kinda funny about the penis ejaculating visual.
skyblade: It was a chatroom conversation and it made our night
sexion8: I totally see that now although at the time it...never even occurred to me, actually.
skyblade: He also thought the Spielberg produced Goonies was an example
skyblade: Because of the Sloth/Chunk man/boy love
sexion8: Huh. Wonder what he thinks about the Disney corporation as a whole.
Which reminds me; I was supposed to entertain y'all with an update about the Halloween trip to Disneyland (with photos!), but the mini vacation got pushed back two weeks. You can thank the walking pot roast that is my fat boss for that one--he's the one who cajoled me into postponing the trip because we have conventions coming up and apparently an entire city of debauched businessmen will converge on our stripclub in sore need of herpes.
(Apologies to the strippers on my F-list, I'm quite sure you yourselves don't have herpes.)
(And if you do, I apologize even more for being so insensitive. I wish you...I wish you crotch relief and I mean that.)
Oh wait, I know what I can talk about--Pineapple's and my visit to The Body Exhibit at the Tropicana hotel. It's a huge display featuring real cadavers that have been forever preserved in some kind of silicone substance.
This procedure is called "plastination" and it is quite astonishing how intact these dead people are. There were even bodies that consisted solely of arteries and veins, without their bones and muscles, floating in some kind of liquid. They looked like someone knitted them out of red yarn.
By the way, wonder what their families think of it? "And that there's Uncle Morris, son. He looks just as vascular as yesterday, doesn't he!"
When we showed the dust in a dress that was the ticket taker our entrance tickets, she lectured us in her quavering voice that we were to shut off all cellphones and put away all cameras as photos were strictly prohibited inside the exhibit. So I took out my phone and made a big show of pushing random buttons to make it look like I shut it off as I fully intended to take as many photos with my camera phone as I could possibly get away with. I would've gotten away with it, too, if my girlfriend Felicia hadn't chosen THAT EXACT FRIGGIN' MOMENT TO CALL ME.
Thanks, Felicia. Personally, I felt your inquiries as to which way I preferred the toilet paper to be displayed (over or under?) could've waited til later, but you know what? If it's important to you, it's important to me. [SARCASMFACE] Needless to say, old exhibit lady croaked for me to turn off my phone, infinite disapproval on her mummified face.
The show was pretty gross, too. You walked through this maze of rooms, hand-painted dark colors with macabre holograms lighting up each wall (not unlike a haunted house fashioned out of plywood and spit) with cadavers and isolated organs suspended forever in plastination in decorative glass display cases.
Like, half a guy's face would be lying prone by itself on a bed of black felt, closed-eyed and open-mouth. You could still see remnants of light blonde eyelashes on his sunken lids. I fumbled for my camera phone, but Pineapple clamped down on my arm to stop me. Security disguised in doctor's labcoats strolled nonchalantly by.
Fuck.
The best was the dead baby exhibit. Before you entered the special room, there was a plaque on the eggplant-colored wall that read WARNING! IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SUCH VISUALS, PLEASE CONSIDER SKIPPING THIS PORTION OF THE EXHIBIT!, etc., so of course I couldn't wait to enter.
Wait. Maybe I oughta put up my own disclaimer for my F-List:
WARNING! IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SUCH SUBJECTS, PLEASE CONSIDER SKIPPING THIS PORTION OF THE POST!
And that was my good deed for the day.
When we walked into the room, we were greeted with a large display of a row of lighted glass vases lined up on a table carrying floating fetus specimens. 2 weeks, 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 12 weeks. It looked like egg drop soup in the shape of tiny babies in various sizes. A grisly description, but an honest one.
Next were the natural miscarriages i.e. not aborted. They seemed healthy and whole and I felt twinges in my cold, latex heart at the sight of lost life and potential.
The most interesting were the abnormal bodies. Look, I'm a mother, too, but I've spent far too many years surfing StileProject for things like this to affect me profoundly, so I viewed the displays with the reptilian eyes of a scientist and closely observed the anomalies. One half-developed fetus was missing a neck and the top of it's skull. It looked like a white frog with arms. It was the size of...well, a frog.
The next specimen was a fully developed fetus with it's insides growing on it's stomach--heart, lungs, intestines. I forget the medical term for it, even though I just had it in my mind not half a minute ago. Be careful Googling it, though. You might get a site that features photos of an example.
And that's all I'm going to say about the infant cadaver exhibit. I can see you all looking at me funny.
Floating eyeballs! Forgot about those. They were all veiny with long strands of arteries hanging down the back of them, too. Horror movies don't lie, man, unnaturally removed eyeballs really do look like alien squid.
Ok, now I'm done. I'm still very bitter over the fact that I don't have photos with which to back up my claims, but whaddya gonna do? I guess I could pay the $27 to go back and try another covert operation with my camera phone, but you wouldn't do it for me, so screw you.
...
Oh hell to the naw! I just Googled "Body Exhibit" and found this photo, which means somebody totally rebelled against authority and busted out their camera anyway. That's it, I'm going back with a camcorder. UP YOURS, OLD TICKET-TAKER LADY!
ETA: This is what a late night conversation with me degenerates into:
skyblade: Golioth frogs are the biggest frog in the world, I think
sexion8: Yep.
sexion8: I watched Jeff Corwin haul one up out of the mud on one of his shows and the damn thing was nearly as long as he was.
skyblade: Yeah, it's pretty freaky
skyblade: though frogs are a gentle animal
sexion8: Love 'em myself.
sexion8: Love all living things, actually, but especially things that have been biggie sized.
sexion8: (Elephants being my #1)
skyblade: Aw
skyblade: Elephants would be a hard pet to keep
sexion8: What? Just plant a cornfield on a couple of acres and let him roam at will.
skyblade: I don't think he wants corn
sexion8: I think that's what they do over there in Africa at their different sanctuaries. Elephants are known corn-lovers.
skyblade: he wants...trees or something
skyblade: when he has a cold, it'll keep the neighborhood up
sexion8: Nah. They eat corn, squash, carrots. They only eat trees if that's all that's available.
sexion8: Oh man, can you imagine if one sneezed on you?
sexion8: I'm sure you can. After all, a similar scene was played out in Jurassic Park.
sexion8: With the "veggie-saurs".
skyblade: Indeed
skyblade: a guy I know was convinced that scene was proof Spielberg was a pedophile
sexion8: The fuck? What was his logic?
skyblade: That it looked like a penis ejaculating on two young kids
skyblade: But this is the best part
skyblade: He also thought Lucas was in on it
skyblade: That they were both kid-fiddlers
skyblade: And he's like "Look at Natalie Portman. Why doesn't he know what to do with an adult woman in the Star Wars movies when she was so great in the Professional"
skyblade: And I go "Wait...you didn't see any pedophile undertones in the Professional?"
skyblade: "I don't see what this has to do with anything, but no, I didn't."
sexion8: Wow. You can see the idiocy for miles on a clear day.
sexion8: But that is kinda funny about the penis ejaculating visual.
skyblade: It was a chatroom conversation and it made our night
sexion8: I totally see that now although at the time it...never even occurred to me, actually.
skyblade: He also thought the Spielberg produced Goonies was an example
skyblade: Because of the Sloth/Chunk man/boy love
sexion8: Huh. Wonder what he thinks about the Disney corporation as a whole.