Who loves ya babe?
Hello? Hello. It's me again, but I have all but abandoned this LJ, yet I have the urge to exsplane why and give out a few exspenations of my absense to those unaware; I have more or less given up my social internet escapades. I will no longer be updating this, I haven't been to Gaia in a while and PC in months and I don't intend to return to ether. Such forms no longer hold my intrest, the people however, will most likely aways remain special to me. I no longer have any desire to post, create an icon, or dick around for hours on end over a computer screen. I have said I will remain on myspace, but I am not nearly obsessed with it, nor do I compulsively check it. This is most likely it for my internet trist; it has lasted over 4 years; 4 years longer then anything has. Truth be told, to the friends I have made, and to the ones who have put up the effort to keep intouch with me for those 4 years, are the oldest friends I have, and yet I have never seen any of you face to face.
The reason being for this is not because of a spat, nor moment of insecurity, but something that has been a long time coming. Since December, I have felt a lose of intrest and frankly; things have come up. My home situation has changed drasticly as has my financial one, as it has taken a turn for the worse, I am doing the best I can to stay out of the house as often as I can. In the past 4 weeks, I've slept away from home an avarage of 3 to 4 nights a week. Although it's tiring, it's more then worth it. As time has worn on, I have started to crave human contact on a face to face level, and I have manage to find a few people who I can open up to, I don't recall the last time I was this outgoing, or was able to have this much fun with people, despite my past antisocial tendencies and emotinal detachment. After Febuary ended, I felt truly happy for the first time ever since I could remember. I have found people who are like brothers and sisters to me, and has a few of you know. I've also found someone who I care about very much, and wants to be with me.
I guess you could say I used the interweb as an escape in the past; I didn't like my homelife, or people. But now I've found people who I do like, and have an alternitive to it. These people and the things I do now are a diffrent way of running away from my problens. I completly admit it. I know that people come and go, when I was younger, people scared me, I would hide in my room all day and refused to come out because those who surrounded me were the roots of what I felt my problems were. I feel like I have waited for a long time for good people to find me, and now that they have, I want to take the chance and spend as much time with them as I can.
MSN feels reletivly pointless now, I've lost touch with 90% of the people I use to IM on a daily basis, and now I only hear from maybe 1 or 2 whenever I log in, which hasn't been very much. I don't see much of a point to it anymore.
To all of you, who have kept up with me, the ones who have listened to me, given me advice, and made me lyk lol, I love you guys. I know how I've told you how you sucked, and you were all a bunch of retards in the past... but that's my way of showing love, or someshit. I'm not very affectionate. D; Most of you bitches better write to me or gemme your numbers, or Ima be pissed. If what I've said above sounds like "I found new friends, so fuck you guys", then I'm sorry, but to you select few out there, I still care about you lot so much, and I want to keep in touch.
To everyone who has put up with my spelling errors, or just dumb bullshit and drama; thank you. To everyone I've ever cat fought with over something in the past, a grudge, or missunderstanding, I don't know if it means anything, but sorry. At this point, I don't feel like I really hate any of those I once said I did. I know there are some people, I've had really bad falling outs with in the past; yeah, I talked shit behind your back, I was a bitch and I know it. But I'm sorry. I don't think anything of you anymore. I hope that all of you find happiness and a good place in your lives. I always believed in new starts, and that's what I want to do now.
Do well, and hold on to the people who care about me. Fuck it and miss me!