Prepare yourself, I said it'd be intense

[sexiful_lampost]

So today I drove by my old house... It made me think even more about how sometimes I miss the way things used to be. My old life. How things were before I almost completely lost my relationship with my mom, my house, and my old friends. How much funnier and happier i used to be, I mean, Helen and I were soo funny and happy that people thought we were on drugs. It's so hard to start everything over again and try to make it just as good, so hard to start from the bottom and work my way up again. It's just that everything was so great before and I never even noticed, I took advantage of what I had and now it's all gone. The people I grew up with my whole life, that I've known forever have all gone to different schools and now I have to start everything over again with new friends. Even if they weren't all that great, they've been there, of course I'm really really glad that I've met some new people but its just not the same. And the funniest thing is that no one knows what it was like for me before, how cool and at the top I was, all they see is oh thats just julie. Things at home with my mom are even worse, she told me it'd all be for the better, it'd be better between us once our own house was built, that things would get easier, but she was wrong. Know we barely talk, I don't feel like I can talk to her anymore, and whatever we had between us is definitely gone. Sometimes I trick myself into thinking that spending time with her or talking to her about things could make everything a little less hard, but know I just tell myself not to bother. Things aren't the same anymore. My new house doesn't have any of the old memories that the other one did. Six loong years of my life.....left behind. This street is not the same, it is not the street i have walked millions of times, it doesn't hold the memories of all the fun walks home with all my millions of old friends or old boyfriends, the lock outs, the blackouts, there aren't houses of the old friends that have sadly moved away, on it. Welcome to my fucking amazing, brand new life. isn't it great?
Much Love,
Julie Xo