(no subject)
i feel like no one missed me. I feel like no one cared that i was gone for 2 weeks. or maybe they just didnt. I felt like if they did, they would call, text, post or do something of that origin. One of my friends (a best from the past) knew the day we came home, and suprisesd us at Bevo when we arrived there tonight. The messages left on my cellphone....there was only 1 of my bestfrineds that left one, and all the rest of them were random, (party calls, random people, random wuestions...the usual). the 1 besdt friend that called only called to say that my ex hoped i wasnt at the party she was at. im not exagurating eaither...it said that. that makes me sad. and it hurts. especailly when you miss your friends so much. I missed them sooooo much and that was what i looked foward to, to see them. When i was in spain t I i bought almost nothing for myself. I spent almost 300 dollars worth of shit for my 5 bestfriends, my mom dad bro, micheal(cause he buys me stuff when he leaves and cause i love him) alf, mattyx, and brenden... I wish that i felt like people cared more. I feel like Ive missed so much these pasts weeks just from stupid lj posts that people have written or pics people had left. When i was picked up at BevMo, my mom didfnt seem very happy to see me, she said she was but i feel like she wasnt. then we got in a fight. no one called. I thought theyd know but they didnt. I have to go to Tinsley Island tommaro and i feel saf becauses now tam and gulz cant go. What a suprise, last minute thier parents said no. Laura and Chris are going so ill still have loadds of fun, i hope. (all i want to do is sleep, but i cant) I just wish it was all 5 of us. It sucks cause i should be tallking about how wonderfull spain was, bnecause it was truly amazing. There was six of us girls whith i love! that starting our little pack. my room mate was CHARLEY, who I LOVE! it was fun. Ive been up for 45hours now. im tired but i cant go to sleep. Its about 9 in the morning in Spain. Anyhwo this post is pointless and im becoming restless. i just wish things were differnt. I wisht that i didnt fell ike this. but i do. im debating? and regreting? and theses stupid thoughts keep running through my head. I feel like i talk to much, not just now but in general. Maybe i should lay down the mystery card, but thats not really my thing. I just wish people would care. In the ways that i wasnt them too. people do things for the stangest reasons. and now i feel more lonley then evver writing this. and this is sad and depressed and i told myself i wasnt going to do it anymore.