Grr and Double Grr!
So life sucks and I am in one of those moods where I just want to take a long walk off a short bridge. I just hate how no matter who I hang out with now days I just don't seem to fit. I might as well become a hermit and live the rest of my life alone. I have to get a doctors appointment to get new meds because Mikhail says the ones that I am on make me pshyco. I am just so sick of shit now days. I wish I could start my life over and do everything differently. Do something right for once. Like actually finish something I start. Here I bitch out Pat for not doing anything with his life and here I am doing the same thing. It goes back to that whole fat people can't call fat people fat. I can't tell people to do something with there lives cuz hell I haven't. I just feel like I am in a crowded room screaming at the top of my lungs to get out but no one hears me. I don't even hear my self. I have all these dreams of making something of myself but I can't get anything done because just when things star working right for me I fuck it up some how. I hate giving up but I have done it for so long I just don't know any other possible way. Maybe I am destend to be a failure. My father was. and my mom always said I would end up like him some day. So technicly when I say I am having a mid life crisis I am right. Huh, never thought of it that way. I never waanted to see it before, but dad and I are a lot a like. I tried to change, tried to do the things Mamoo said, but it didn't work. I haven't and as far as I know I am still in the same place I was before with people not wanting anything to do with me. I tried really hard. I didn't vent to everyone like I used to. I don't know when the last time I called Shawny up just to bitch. The only thing that seemed to work was listening to Mikhail when he told me to bottle things up. I feel like I am about to explode but I haven't pissed anyone off yet that...well that I know of at least. I don't know. People don't say anything until they are really ticked off and then I have a lot more to try and fix then I would have if they just would have let me know in the first place. This hurts my head I am going to stop know and fold Mikhail's socks cuz that is the only thin I won't fail at right now.