Crying in my own thoughts
This is all just thought;
There is hardly enough time in a day to stop and not think. I cant handel all of this at once. try to move on amber, try to put things away in memory. Nothing is worth this pain. The fact that when I dont want it to work out with anyone else dose not make it easy to have someone else and who said that I wanted to say good-bye. where are my rights. Is there something that I missed. I dont care anymore. Am I slippin back into depression again? I hope not, nothing was good then. But nothings good now. this is such a blur. This is such a bad december. I love the holydays but not right now. the family, the partys the lonliness, the pain. the bare truth. why dont love just come easy. WHY DONT I THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE! I need help soon. I need help now. I cant think that my friends will get this. I just wish there was something to do. TALK TO MY FACE. Tell me something. Beat around the bush no more. I hate that I cry about things like this. It makes me look so sad. I dont want pitty. I dont want anything anymore. sometimes not even life. But I would be so selfish. But why cant I be selfish when no one would even try to consider what I wanted. Ill nod and say yes for the rest of my life. But Id never say anything. Id never be heard. ive been sick for so long now. Its a sign. why wont this just kill me like it did in my dreams. I wish I was anerexic again. those times were fun. i felt good. i felt prety. I dont feel prety now. I dont feel needed. GOD TAKE ME. no one knows this pain. its not even about simple love. its about whats behind the smile behind the sports behind the clubs and EVERYTHING ELSE I DO! but you dont care. no one notices me. and if they do they dont want to care. they dont want to get attached. Like i would be a person they would ever want to get attached to.
There is hardly enough time in a day to stop and not think. I cant handel all of this at once. try to move on amber, try to put things away in memory. Nothing is worth this pain. The fact that when I dont want it to work out with anyone else dose not make it easy to have someone else and who said that I wanted to say good-bye. where are my rights. Is there something that I missed. I dont care anymore. Am I slippin back into depression again? I hope not, nothing was good then. But nothings good now. this is such a blur. This is such a bad december. I love the holydays but not right now. the family, the partys the lonliness, the pain. the bare truth. why dont love just come easy. WHY DONT I THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE! I need help soon. I need help now. I cant think that my friends will get this. I just wish there was something to do. TALK TO MY FACE. Tell me something. Beat around the bush no more. I hate that I cry about things like this. It makes me look so sad. I dont want pitty. I dont want anything anymore. sometimes not even life. But I would be so selfish. But why cant I be selfish when no one would even try to consider what I wanted. Ill nod and say yes for the rest of my life. But Id never say anything. Id never be heard. ive been sick for so long now. Its a sign. why wont this just kill me like it did in my dreams. I wish I was anerexic again. those times were fun. i felt good. i felt prety. I dont feel prety now. I dont feel needed. GOD TAKE ME. no one knows this pain. its not even about simple love. its about whats behind the smile behind the sports behind the clubs and EVERYTHING ELSE I DO! but you dont care. no one notices me. and if they do they dont want to care. they dont want to get attached. Like i would be a person they would ever want to get attached to.