Master Turkey Hunter.
I had a pretty good weekend, a little weird but still good. I got to go shopping with Nicole Friday and we found this warehouse that sells really expensive designer clothes for 80% off. I was like a homeless person at the landfill...I ain't ashamed to dig. So we got some pretty good deals there and then we went to some snooty people stores where 70 yr old women watch you like a hawk as if you wanted to steal their dust covered bullshit. I got back to the house kinda late cause me 'n Nicole lost track of time. I ended up gettin to Greg's house about 9 and all his buddies were there. I got to listen to old highschool stories and tales of drunken college parties til midnight. Greg almost got called out to a lab but he turned em down so he could sleep w/me. Of course he had to make sure I knew he was givin up 500 dollars to do so. Then he was supposed to get up at 4:30 to go turkey huntin w/his dad and his older brother but we didn't hear the alarm so his dad busts up in the room and starts flippin the lights on and off...and I kicked Greg in the thigh...and then his dad comes over and starts shakin him..and about this time I'm thankin God I'm not naked because what an awkward moment that would be. So they finally leave and I decided to go ahead and get up and take a shower before they get back seein as how the bathroom door doesn't lock and this family obviously doesn't have any respect for privacy. I walk into the bathroom, I'm rubbin the sleep outta my eyes, I pull back the shower curtain...there's cat shit in the shower. Now I've seen some stuff in my day. Shit in the shower is a new one for me. I already hate cats but I think this one hates me back and thus proves my theory that animals are psychic. Later on that mornin I'm sittin in the kitchen talkin to his mama and they come in and said Lee (greg's older brother) killed a turkey and it was his first one so they stood around swappin manly stories for a lil bit and I went with 'em over to their granny's house to clean it. Why did we have to go all the way to his granny's house to clean it, I do not know. Anyway, we're over there and his cousin John pulls up 'n he just got back from Florida and he had to show me his "i got fondled at hooters" shirt..like I really cared. Everybody gets fondled at hooters. His buddy Bobby is over there and then we have to sit out in the shop forever swappin more manly stories. Finally after what seemed like ten hours of nut scratchin and turkey cleanin we go BACK to Greg's house and his mama decides she wants to have shrimp for supper and that it's her birthday supper which would be like the 4th birthday supper she's had and her birthday is in February. So me and Evan (Greg's little brother) decide we're gunna pull the shrimp heads off cause we're all nice 'n shit and everybody thought it was hilarious when I asked Mrs. Gina if she was gunna leave the doo doo cords in. They think I'm so funny and I was bein for real cause I myself am not a fan of the cord. Me 'n Evan deheaded a buttload of shrimp and I think I got to eat maybe two. So later that night we're all in the livin room watchin The Patriot and Mrs. Gina made a comment that the civil war wasn't so civil about the time ol' mel was hackin that guy up in the ditch and we all laughed and called her a history buff and she argued that it was not the american revolution forever and I fell asleep somewhere in there which was when Evan's buddy Craig swindled Greg into takin him turkey huntin the next mornin cause he'd never been and when I woke him up I heard him say "what time we goin?" and i said "y'all ain't" and he said "yes we are" and i said "boy you don't wanna mess with me I'm tough, I grew up watchin a-team" and this guy is like 20 bazillion times my size. So they go turkey huntin that next mornin and I am gettin frustrated from the lack of lovin but bein all understandin and stuff of manly men I didn't say nuthin. So..oh yeah..they go huntin and Craig kills him one and they bring it back to the house and he looks kinda small to me but I didn't say nuthin cause I didn't wanna make the boy feel bad. The turkey didn't even have spurs yet..it was just a little tiny bump. I think it was illegal and I think Greg knew it but he was so proud that he took that boy and he killed his first turkey. He already had a big head from his huge ass turkey he killed last thursday. He answers his phone "Master Turkey Hunter here.." and we'll be goin down the road and he'll say he has to ask me somethin and he'll go "WHO IS THE MASTER TURKEY HUNTEEERRR". It's more of a statement than a question at this point. When we first started datin the question was "who has the baddest truck in the woods?" because on our second date his buddy got stuck and then another guy got stuck tryin to pull him out so they called him cause apparently he has the baddest truck in the woods and he couldnt quit smilin the whole night. He probably went to bed smilin and saddly it wasn't because of me, haha. He is sweet to me though, this mornin when I woke up I had a text from him it said "by the time you wake up this mornin i will have thought about how much i love you 1,857 times" So tell me, who IS the master girlfriend?