Jail
I'm going to jail soon. October 12th is my arraignment in Troy, for being pulled over on I-75, apparently speeding, after having 3 beers at a friends house, and possessing under a gram of marijuana and a pipe for it. I was asked how much alcohol I had consumed that night by the officer who pulled me over, and I told him the truth. He asked where I was coming from, and I told him the truth. He asked me to do a field sobriety test, which I passed, cars whipping by at 75 MPH or more, about 5 feet away from me. I wasn't drunk. Cops scare me. The thought of someone having ultimate power in society to do as they please, unstoppable to the common citizen. Just a scary thought. Anyway, he took me to sit in the back of his car, and conferred with his backup partner, who was playing bad cop to his good cop role. They came back and told me I had a choice to take a PBT or to not, and that if I didn't take it, I would have to back at the station, or at a hospital, by drawing blood. I thought about it, and I didn't feel drunk. I didn't feel buzzed. I felt fine. So, I took the PBT and blew .009 over the limit. That's a total of .089 blood-alcohol content. 9 percent, rounded up. Practically legal. But, he informed me, he saw enough reason to decide I was impaired, and that I would be placed under arrest, and taken into custody. Spent that night in jail and was bailed out at 6:30 am the next morning. I slept on some disgusting gym mat, and the corner was covered in some kind of nasty shit, probably puke, or shit, maybe even a mixture. I was forced to sleep next to that all night, and I'm almost positive I got sick in there. The next week, I was violently sick with a flu, I thought, and I threw up on the regular, had chills on the regular, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Sweating my fuckin' ass off every night, I knew I needed to drink water and other fluids to flush the illness out and to stay hydrated. Apparently, water doesn't rehydrate you enough, because I went to the hospital after being sick for 6 days, just about a week straight, and I was throwing up brown stuff, which the doctor told me was blood. He said I had a tear in my stomach, and I had my stomach pumped to make sure that it wasn't still bleeding. Sitting there, with tubes coming out of my nose and flowing bright green and brown with stomach bile and old, digested blood, my limbs rigid with dehydration, my mom telling me I had a seizure, being scared out of my mind, I decided that I needed to change, that this world must to change, that everything was ass-backwards. I spent the night there that night as well, against my will again. Not even a week after that, I was traveling north on crooks road. Speed limit is 35 MPH. I'm going 40, the flow of traffic. I pull up to Nakota, and slow down to turn left while a police car passes me on the left. I notice him, and my heart jumps, just as it does anytime I see those fucking pigs nowadays, even if I have no reason to be afraid. He must have radar gunned me, because he brakes the same time I do, and pulls into the closest driveway, and begins to turn around. He's trying to pull me over in my neighborhood again. Right. I go down Nakota and turn onto the nearest side street from that street, and turn again off of that one. Turn my car off, and start walking. I walk for ten or 15 minutes, and loop back around to my car. No cops. I get back in, turn it on, and drive to the end of the street, which is Normandy. Another police car passes me slowly, probably looking for me to be driving fast through the subdivision. I'm not, and he keeps going. I got home, went to my room, and paced. Pissed the fuck off. Just leave me the fuck alone. I'm not a bad person. You are you shit eating pig. Shoot yourself in the face with that government issued M9 you carry.
My lawyer tells me to stop smoking weed, the only thing that keeps me level-headed most of the time, to go to AA meetings regularly, to give my blood a few times, and to do community service to make myself look like a functioning member of society to the judge and the courts. I agree, giving blood is important, and so is community service, but you can't even do community service when you want to. It is difficult to get into unless court-ordered. Especially once you have a criminal record. This made me think: I am now a criminal, just the same as anyone who has killed someone in cold blood, the same as someone who beats their wife, or children, the same as someone who commits fraud or theft, none of which I have ever thought of literally doing, nor had the will to commit such acts. In the eyes of our current government, I am now a criminal. I am the scum of the earth. I am the problem in society. I am the bad guy. A boy who never wanted anything but to be liked and to do good for people, for society, and a man who wants nothing but to scrape by in life, and be happy, and to make others lives happier and less oppressed. To advance humanity, to forget the colors and backgrounds we are derived from. A man who wants to break down barriers of hate, ignorance, and intolerance just the same as the people who have shaped our country and other great movements across the earth. This man is a criminal, a wanted man. I never hurt anyone. I never infringed on anyone's rights. I've been pulled over in MY OWN DRIVEWAY before. Yes, that I have done. I have been hassled by cops in Beverly Hills, targeting my beat up '93 Honda Civic as a "suspicious vehicle in the area" when I was trying to visit a friend just days after Christmas. That I have also done. Completed probation each and every time, paying more money than I have ever seen in one place in my life to the courts, and jumping through the hoops they demanded I jump through. Bullshit.
I was walking home from my parents the other night, pissed beyond belief, having a shitty day. Thinking about all of this in my head, how they are raping me while I am trying to go to school, to better myself and those around me, keeping me below them, striking me down at every opportunity. Following me to my house, even, to try and arrest me there. I'm breathing heavily, walking fast, and clinching my fists, wanting the sky to burst into flames and cleanse the bullshit from this magnificent rock floating in space, offering our disease of a race a place to propagate, to lay their heads, their waste, their fortifications, and their dead. Just then, a Ford Mustang with a couple of idiots flies past me, easily traveling 55 to 60 MPH on 13 Mile Road, a residential main road. The passenger is screaming something, either at me or maybe the driver, or maybe even singing loudly. At any rate, this pushed me over the edge. This fuckin piece of shit has the money to buy a Ford Mustang. They have the audacity to speed this much down a street with people's houses lining either side. No cares. No consideration. Just them, being recklessly absorbed in themselves, their Mustang charmed life, and whatever else I can imagine this douche bag has accrued over his shit-eating life. Where are the cops now? Where are the boys in blue that have pledged to SERVE and PROTECT everyday citizens, the people of the United States. To uphold the laws of the constitution? Where are you when this fucking asshole thinks he can just do what he wants, when he wants? Oh yeah, I remember, you're waiting on I-75, gunning a shitty looking car and making up some speed that would warrant pulling me over. You're waiting in a parking lot at the end of my street, waiting for me to pull out of an alley that you claim I am avoiding a traffic control device (stop light) by taking, and pulling me over at my house, lights flashing bright blue and red to wake up all of my neighbors, to show them the new criminal in the area. You're waiting in some rich-ass neighborhood's subdivision, pulling over "suspicious vehicles" with a normal 16 year old kid driving it normally. Making money off of the people that cannot possibly afford it. Squeezing water out of rocks, that's where your fucking protectors are.
How about this? How about we tap into this war fund that seems to be never ending, take money from that. How about we end this war on petty drugs, such as marijuana, with non-violent users that you make "offenders", and take the money from that. How about we end the corruption of corporations sapping the life out of our society's capitalism with their monopolies and crooked business politics, and take the money from them. How about we take the RIDICULOUS pay checks that Terrell Owens, Ray Lewis, and other shit bag athletes make every year, decrease it a little or a lot, take money from that. How about we start paying the people that make a positive difference in the lives of every American, everyday, at the expense of their lives the wages they should be making? Doctors, social workers, volunteers, teachers, firefighters, even police. How about the crooked mayors of every city, stealing money from taxpayers and promising improvements in their lives and the city, and take their ill-gotten money? How about we become an equal opportunity country, where everyone has a chance to make something of themselves. Take all of this money, and put it into EDUCATION. Institutions that work for the advancement of humanity. Science and agriculture. Things that we can instantly start seeing a difference in ourselves, our society. Why don't we do that? Why are we still burning dirty oil, when we can be efficiently, cleanly using electricity, hydrogen, and other power sources?
BECAUSE IT'S ALL ONE BIG JOKE. IT'S ALL SET UP TO BENEFIT A MERE ONE OR TWO PERCENT OF OUR POPULATION! THEY HAVE THE POWER, THE MONEY, AND THE MEANS TO SET HUMANITY IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. THEY WOULD RATHER KEEP YOU DOWN, TAX THE HELL OUT OF YOU, SPIT IN YOUR FACE, AND LIVE LIFE AS THEIR SHALLOW EYES AND MINDS SEE FIT. FUCK YOU, FUCK YOUR BELIEFS. FUCK YOUR AMBITION. FUCK YOUR NEEDS, WANTS, AND DREAMS. ITS ALL ABOUT THEM, AND NO ONE ELSE MATTERS. It will never change. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to change my world.
These are my thoughts. Sorry if you got bored. I had to get it out. I feel that everyone must feel the same to some degree. The fact that we accept how our government runs things, how our society acts, and how our lives are directly effected everyday, without blinking or thinking twice, makes me literally sick to my mind and stomach. I hate sitting and thinking these things, with no way to take action. No way to introduce these ideas to anyone who will listen and who has the ability to turn them into reality. Please, think about this yourself. Look at what we do. Look at what you do. Look at those commercials trying to sell you bullshit. Look at the credit card companies milking the life out of you. KNOW that it can change, and BE the change that you KNOW must happen. We are going nowhere, and fast. Help me to put us on the right track. There must be some glint of goodness somewhere out there. I know it. Help me. Please. Help me.
You ain't having it? Good, me either. Lets get together and make this whole world believers.
My lawyer tells me to stop smoking weed, the only thing that keeps me level-headed most of the time, to go to AA meetings regularly, to give my blood a few times, and to do community service to make myself look like a functioning member of society to the judge and the courts. I agree, giving blood is important, and so is community service, but you can't even do community service when you want to. It is difficult to get into unless court-ordered. Especially once you have a criminal record. This made me think: I am now a criminal, just the same as anyone who has killed someone in cold blood, the same as someone who beats their wife, or children, the same as someone who commits fraud or theft, none of which I have ever thought of literally doing, nor had the will to commit such acts. In the eyes of our current government, I am now a criminal. I am the scum of the earth. I am the problem in society. I am the bad guy. A boy who never wanted anything but to be liked and to do good for people, for society, and a man who wants nothing but to scrape by in life, and be happy, and to make others lives happier and less oppressed. To advance humanity, to forget the colors and backgrounds we are derived from. A man who wants to break down barriers of hate, ignorance, and intolerance just the same as the people who have shaped our country and other great movements across the earth. This man is a criminal, a wanted man. I never hurt anyone. I never infringed on anyone's rights. I've been pulled over in MY OWN DRIVEWAY before. Yes, that I have done. I have been hassled by cops in Beverly Hills, targeting my beat up '93 Honda Civic as a "suspicious vehicle in the area" when I was trying to visit a friend just days after Christmas. That I have also done. Completed probation each and every time, paying more money than I have ever seen in one place in my life to the courts, and jumping through the hoops they demanded I jump through. Bullshit.
I was walking home from my parents the other night, pissed beyond belief, having a shitty day. Thinking about all of this in my head, how they are raping me while I am trying to go to school, to better myself and those around me, keeping me below them, striking me down at every opportunity. Following me to my house, even, to try and arrest me there. I'm breathing heavily, walking fast, and clinching my fists, wanting the sky to burst into flames and cleanse the bullshit from this magnificent rock floating in space, offering our disease of a race a place to propagate, to lay their heads, their waste, their fortifications, and their dead. Just then, a Ford Mustang with a couple of idiots flies past me, easily traveling 55 to 60 MPH on 13 Mile Road, a residential main road. The passenger is screaming something, either at me or maybe the driver, or maybe even singing loudly. At any rate, this pushed me over the edge. This fuckin piece of shit has the money to buy a Ford Mustang. They have the audacity to speed this much down a street with people's houses lining either side. No cares. No consideration. Just them, being recklessly absorbed in themselves, their Mustang charmed life, and whatever else I can imagine this douche bag has accrued over his shit-eating life. Where are the cops now? Where are the boys in blue that have pledged to SERVE and PROTECT everyday citizens, the people of the United States. To uphold the laws of the constitution? Where are you when this fucking asshole thinks he can just do what he wants, when he wants? Oh yeah, I remember, you're waiting on I-75, gunning a shitty looking car and making up some speed that would warrant pulling me over. You're waiting in a parking lot at the end of my street, waiting for me to pull out of an alley that you claim I am avoiding a traffic control device (stop light) by taking, and pulling me over at my house, lights flashing bright blue and red to wake up all of my neighbors, to show them the new criminal in the area. You're waiting in some rich-ass neighborhood's subdivision, pulling over "suspicious vehicles" with a normal 16 year old kid driving it normally. Making money off of the people that cannot possibly afford it. Squeezing water out of rocks, that's where your fucking protectors are.
How about this? How about we tap into this war fund that seems to be never ending, take money from that. How about we end this war on petty drugs, such as marijuana, with non-violent users that you make "offenders", and take the money from that. How about we end the corruption of corporations sapping the life out of our society's capitalism with their monopolies and crooked business politics, and take the money from them. How about we take the RIDICULOUS pay checks that Terrell Owens, Ray Lewis, and other shit bag athletes make every year, decrease it a little or a lot, take money from that. How about we start paying the people that make a positive difference in the lives of every American, everyday, at the expense of their lives the wages they should be making? Doctors, social workers, volunteers, teachers, firefighters, even police. How about the crooked mayors of every city, stealing money from taxpayers and promising improvements in their lives and the city, and take their ill-gotten money? How about we become an equal opportunity country, where everyone has a chance to make something of themselves. Take all of this money, and put it into EDUCATION. Institutions that work for the advancement of humanity. Science and agriculture. Things that we can instantly start seeing a difference in ourselves, our society. Why don't we do that? Why are we still burning dirty oil, when we can be efficiently, cleanly using electricity, hydrogen, and other power sources?
BECAUSE IT'S ALL ONE BIG JOKE. IT'S ALL SET UP TO BENEFIT A MERE ONE OR TWO PERCENT OF OUR POPULATION! THEY HAVE THE POWER, THE MONEY, AND THE MEANS TO SET HUMANITY IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. THEY WOULD RATHER KEEP YOU DOWN, TAX THE HELL OUT OF YOU, SPIT IN YOUR FACE, AND LIVE LIFE AS THEIR SHALLOW EYES AND MINDS SEE FIT. FUCK YOU, FUCK YOUR BELIEFS. FUCK YOUR AMBITION. FUCK YOUR NEEDS, WANTS, AND DREAMS. ITS ALL ABOUT THEM, AND NO ONE ELSE MATTERS. It will never change. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to change my world.
These are my thoughts. Sorry if you got bored. I had to get it out. I feel that everyone must feel the same to some degree. The fact that we accept how our government runs things, how our society acts, and how our lives are directly effected everyday, without blinking or thinking twice, makes me literally sick to my mind and stomach. I hate sitting and thinking these things, with no way to take action. No way to introduce these ideas to anyone who will listen and who has the ability to turn them into reality. Please, think about this yourself. Look at what we do. Look at what you do. Look at those commercials trying to sell you bullshit. Look at the credit card companies milking the life out of you. KNOW that it can change, and BE the change that you KNOW must happen. We are going nowhere, and fast. Help me to put us on the right track. There must be some glint of goodness somewhere out there. I know it. Help me. Please. Help me.
You ain't having it? Good, me either. Lets get together and make this whole world believers.