All Must Come to Dust
Thats very true. Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end. I dont really know if I want to make it through the next few weeks... I may not be able to go anywhere or do anything. And I hate my house and my house life. Thats prolly why I go out all the time. I have been at Justins, but i guess since people say I was out doing other things, it must be true. Oh well, you cant help what other people say, and you cant make them know what you know unless there is proof. I have none... Maybe i will be able to set up my suicide so that it looks like my angered parents did it. Hmmm. Put their fingerprints all over a belt, hang from it. My Dads guns are gone, cant use guns. Knives... maybe. I dont like this. At all. Its happened before right? Yes, will this matter down the road? Probably not. Is this down the road? No, its now, and thats why i care so much. I cant escape what is happening now. I cant control what happens to me obviously. Whenever I am one place, the fucking network of ROYSA parents looking for me always sees me, somewhere, or with someone, that im NOT. So whatever, Im done caring. I think I may just sleep for a while. Maybe til I wake up tomorrow. But hopefully I wont have to see the next day, and then i will be free. Thats the only way you can be free. Free from all of the bullshit that comes with the package you get when you are born. Not only do you get your own shit to deal with, you get all the other people in this world, coming in contact with you, and filling your life with their bullshit. Screw the fact that I get good grades, and screw the fact that im not a total fuckup. That doesnt matter anymore. All that matters is that other people KNOW they saw me. There is NO WAY that they can be wrong. So therefore, I am screwed. This is kinda like living in that movie Minority Report. They catch you doing something before you even do it. Weird. Im sorry for all the deceptions and ill-mannered things I have done. We prolly wont have to deal with that anymore though.
bye.
bye.