that's the thing about crushes..

[sexckalikitten]

ok so.. it's about 4:55am and i cant sleep but i have to work in a few hours so it's all good i guess.. today is thursday and the last time i spoke to him was monday afternoon.. i cant even tell you why.. a little bit of time constraints.. a little bit of wounded pride.. a little bit of a stubbornness.. he's probably thinking what an ultra drama queen i am and how completely insane i am but i never pretended otherwise.. thats the thing about crushes.. you make the other person out to be this perfect fantasizied person and then when you get to know the real them, you're let down cause you find out that they're real and it's not what u hoped for or expected...monday i called him and some kind of way (that was more my fault than his) we kinda got into it.. it was really stupid but he annoyed me..i hate it when he makes fun of me.. he basically said that i nag him about stupid things that i already know the answer to.. does that not suck?!.. it doesnt help that i never know when he's joking and when he's serious so it kinda hurt my feelings.. i just got really quiet and said i'd call him back.. then i texted him and said that he'd hurt my feelings but i didnt get the reaction i had hoped for.. it seemed like he was kinda indifferent to it..which i suppose makes sense since the whole thing was so stupid to begin with.. and then i said something like "luckily i love you or else i'd want to leave" or something and he was basically like whatever (i think he actually said i guess) and then i asked him if he could be a little more excited about me telling him that i loved for the first time and he was like "yay..happy now?".. now all of this is being texted back and forth so i interpret that as the more sarcastic statement known to man..again not the reaction i had hoped for.. but then again.. i dont even know what i wanted him to say to something like that.. i dont even know what i meant by it...am i in love with him?.. no.. but i do love him... and even if it was inappropriate to tell him.. it sucks that he was so casual about it.. am i being irrational and stupid?.. yes but that's the thing about insanity.. .. the question is.. where do i go with this thing now?.. well.. then again i dont really have a choice in the matter since he's not talking to me.. do i blame him?.. not in the least!!.. if i were him i'd probably run in the opposite direction.. away from all my drama and craziness..i should just call him and get it over with i dont think i could take it if he rejected me or something... then again..sitting here stewing in my own doubts and insecurities isnt helping either..

i wonder what he's thinking..