(no subject)
->"i tell you i love you to make you feel better"
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wow,really?..and here i was thinking that he said it cause he meant it, what was i thinking??...then again, this is my fault (again) because i'm the confused,wishy-washy,overly dramatic one that puts more into our "fairytale friendship" than there needs to be..so glad i was set straight tonight before i continued to make a fool of myself with any more of my delusional rantings and whatnot..*whew*, load off my chest
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||i'll file that away in the "Most-Painful-Things-Anyone-You-Actually-Love-Can-Ever-Say-To-You" category..
guess this means that i should change his caller id name from "love of my life" to something more appropriate.. wouldnt want anyone to think that we're more than we are or anything cause that could get me into more trouble..
ok so all anger aside now.. i am an emotional train wreck and nothing makes sense anymore and everything is a huge deal...i admit that up front... that's where most of the misunderstandings stem from..what is ultra simple for him to decide is a huge deal for me cause i'm scared to death about making the wrong decision about everything (who to be with, where to go to grad school, if i even wanna go to grad school, on and on and on).. i think that's what my roommate was taking about when she said that i need to let go of my past in order to move into the future..most of my drama would disappear if i just realized that one thing has nothing to do with the other.. but i cant help feeling like i do cause it's happened so man times before.. i think it's a huge deal that he's the only friend i have from richmond anymore and it wouldnt be that way if i'd just stayed home in the first place..naturally i equate staying here with losing friends, it's only a matter of time really cause everyone has to move on at some point and not everyone's time and space is going to allow for cross-state relationships..my roommate's main concern i think is that i'll use him as an excuse for not staying in irvine and all that.. that of course would be a horrid mistake (especially after tonight's conversation) and i know that.. i dont think i'd ever actually do something like that.. if i didnt stay here, it wouldnt have anything to do with him but i can understand where's she's coming from... and of course her concern about my well-being is sweet..
lord do i need some help.. this is getting out of hand.. but none of it matters anymore cause tomorrow it will all be over...
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wow,really?..and here i was thinking that he said it cause he meant it, what was i thinking??...then again, this is my fault (again) because i'm the confused,wishy-washy,overly dramatic one that puts more into our "fairytale friendship" than there needs to be..so glad i was set straight tonight before i continued to make a fool of myself with any more of my delusional rantings and whatnot..*whew*, load off my chest
/\
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||i'll file that away in the "Most-Painful-Things-Anyone-You-Actually-Love-Can-Ever-Say-To-You" category..
guess this means that i should change his caller id name from "love of my life" to something more appropriate.. wouldnt want anyone to think that we're more than we are or anything cause that could get me into more trouble..
ok so all anger aside now.. i am an emotional train wreck and nothing makes sense anymore and everything is a huge deal...i admit that up front... that's where most of the misunderstandings stem from..what is ultra simple for him to decide is a huge deal for me cause i'm scared to death about making the wrong decision about everything (who to be with, where to go to grad school, if i even wanna go to grad school, on and on and on).. i think that's what my roommate was taking about when she said that i need to let go of my past in order to move into the future..most of my drama would disappear if i just realized that one thing has nothing to do with the other.. but i cant help feeling like i do cause it's happened so man times before.. i think it's a huge deal that he's the only friend i have from richmond anymore and it wouldnt be that way if i'd just stayed home in the first place..naturally i equate staying here with losing friends, it's only a matter of time really cause everyone has to move on at some point and not everyone's time and space is going to allow for cross-state relationships..my roommate's main concern i think is that i'll use him as an excuse for not staying in irvine and all that.. that of course would be a horrid mistake (especially after tonight's conversation) and i know that.. i dont think i'd ever actually do something like that.. if i didnt stay here, it wouldnt have anything to do with him but i can understand where's she's coming from... and of course her concern about my well-being is sweet..
lord do i need some help.. this is getting out of hand.. but none of it matters anymore cause tomorrow it will all be over...