Back From The Dead...
SHOCK! I know; it's been a while since I've even touched the internet, but seeing as how I now have the time for my previous obsession I'm here. Finally.
Well, you may ask yourself, "Cindy, where have you been for the past 3 months?" And I'm here to answer you, working and um, working... lol. :) -Not to say the least that the money so far has been worth it, but in turn has made me more conscientous and more frugal than I was before.
So, as I was sitting both yesterday and today at MDHC's orientation I had plenty of time to just sit and write and think and just do the thing I use to do whenever I had the chance, write, and so I did. Some, wandering thoughts and others just things that came out without having to think too hard. All in consecutive order, this is what I came to conclude... >>>
The top 3 things that have changed my life are: 1. Ray, 2. My job, and 3. The Mysterious Stranger by Mark Twain.
The top 3 things that piss me off are: 1. Doubt, 2. Dishonesty, and 3. Blatent and unexcusable rudeness.
My 2 biggest battles are that of : 1. Passion vs. Conformity and 2. Relativity -period.
I am vain, naive, self-centered, knowledgeable and ignorant, unsure, a dreamer, controlling, manipulative, hard, callous, belligerent, introverted and aggressive yet passionate, giving, sensitive, loving, strong, willed, supportive, greatful, thankful, young, intuitive, emotional, clumsy, analyzing, and a brutal realist.
And with the voices in the background I sat dumb-founded and lost in thought about nothing, pulling at my lip, feeling my leg jitter uncontrollably at a pace there was no way to stop, although it had become an unbearable nuissance. But within this struggle between both the mental and the physical there was nothing I could do; I was an entity consumed by the madness looking in as from the perspective of an outsider.
I'm a writer, I'm a thinker, I'm a promoter, supporter, controller, and an analyzing critic driven by a power greater than the unthinkable or anything anyone can come to grasp or comprehend -including myself.
Who am I to become as the years pass and most begin to come into their own? I merely dream to provoke thought, stir some passion within others -not dare to claim or state that my ability to express myself is a gift that demands neither awards or repercussions. I just dream to write for me; anything (despite it's connotation) that joins comes as a gift. Everything acts as constructive criticism. It keeps me humble, keeps me grounded, and true to my naturally inquisitive and analytical self.
I have no sense of direction yet know exactly where I want to go although I have no idea on how to get there -but I do have vision, that I do :).
The face never changes, only the intensity of the stare, almost like a lifeless manikin? given a hint of a natural human quality. And through the tensed muscles of my eyes the only thing I could see was the color red... of passion, of love, of lust, of pure and utter sensuality, whether evoked by the literary, the imagination, the emotional, or the mere enticing physical of every possible situation, it has engulfed my every cell -my very being.
All within the natural course of this week I've experienced all different levels of abandonment, ultimately leaving a part of me lonely and contemplative; I only wish all of you the greatest happiness if it's what you truly desire. Don't hold back and do what you wish but despite of it ALL, know I'm always here for whatever.
-I've resuscitated, as you've seen through my ramblings of nothings and somethings.
Goodbye.
Well, you may ask yourself, "Cindy, where have you been for the past 3 months?" And I'm here to answer you, working and um, working... lol. :) -Not to say the least that the money so far has been worth it, but in turn has made me more conscientous and more frugal than I was before.
So, as I was sitting both yesterday and today at MDHC's orientation I had plenty of time to just sit and write and think and just do the thing I use to do whenever I had the chance, write, and so I did. Some, wandering thoughts and others just things that came out without having to think too hard. All in consecutive order, this is what I came to conclude... >>>
The top 3 things that have changed my life are: 1. Ray, 2. My job, and 3. The Mysterious Stranger by Mark Twain.
The top 3 things that piss me off are: 1. Doubt, 2. Dishonesty, and 3. Blatent and unexcusable rudeness.
My 2 biggest battles are that of : 1. Passion vs. Conformity and 2. Relativity -period.
I am vain, naive, self-centered, knowledgeable and ignorant, unsure, a dreamer, controlling, manipulative, hard, callous, belligerent, introverted and aggressive yet passionate, giving, sensitive, loving, strong, willed, supportive, greatful, thankful, young, intuitive, emotional, clumsy, analyzing, and a brutal realist.
And with the voices in the background I sat dumb-founded and lost in thought about nothing, pulling at my lip, feeling my leg jitter uncontrollably at a pace there was no way to stop, although it had become an unbearable nuissance. But within this struggle between both the mental and the physical there was nothing I could do; I was an entity consumed by the madness looking in as from the perspective of an outsider.
I'm a writer, I'm a thinker, I'm a promoter, supporter, controller, and an analyzing critic driven by a power greater than the unthinkable or anything anyone can come to grasp or comprehend -including myself.
Who am I to become as the years pass and most begin to come into their own? I merely dream to provoke thought, stir some passion within others -not dare to claim or state that my ability to express myself is a gift that demands neither awards or repercussions. I just dream to write for me; anything (despite it's connotation) that joins comes as a gift. Everything acts as constructive criticism. It keeps me humble, keeps me grounded, and true to my naturally inquisitive and analytical self.
I have no sense of direction yet know exactly where I want to go although I have no idea on how to get there -but I do have vision, that I do :).
The face never changes, only the intensity of the stare, almost like a lifeless manikin? given a hint of a natural human quality. And through the tensed muscles of my eyes the only thing I could see was the color red... of passion, of love, of lust, of pure and utter sensuality, whether evoked by the literary, the imagination, the emotional, or the mere enticing physical of every possible situation, it has engulfed my every cell -my very being.
All within the natural course of this week I've experienced all different levels of abandonment, ultimately leaving a part of me lonely and contemplative; I only wish all of you the greatest happiness if it's what you truly desire. Don't hold back and do what you wish but despite of it ALL, know I'm always here for whatever.
-I've resuscitated, as you've seen through my ramblings of nothings and somethings.
Goodbye.