6-18-07: Dreams One or Two...
This, like most things i do, is late as hell.
So sticking with my usual posting of weird minutiae in my life, here are more dreams for you to peruse at leisure. These were all part and parcel the same damn dream, each one fishing some monstrous beast from the deep seas of Nod, some subconcious remnant that tooth-filled and horror stricken is, I would think, colored like the steel gray of February skies. What did Clive Barker describe such things, of loss and loneliness? Ah yes, the great grey beast February. Soft clawed, tender pawed and red of tooth.
So there you have some research ahead of you.
Dream One: Failure of clarity, failure of contact, failure of purpose...
This dream started with me being woken up by my friend A-- and another girl who I couldn't recognize. They were both asking me and my sister to go ahead and run through the play that I wrote for my sister, even though the whole thing was over and done with. After groggily trying to recall lines I had nailed a month ago, I kept just sitting there confused as hell as A-- and the other girl just kept berating me for not knowing my lines. Muddled, mixed up confusion and I think it had nothing to do with Leah's play so much as my faux paux with A--. So a failure of personal clarity, a case of bad contact and fucked up settings and finally a complete failure of purpose and method.
It should be noted that this dream offended me much, worried me even, that as I drove to work I started reciting the lines of the play to myself as I drove. Still got them. As for A--...... I fucked that up. Which is too bad, I'd rather hang with artists who get me, if even slightly.
Dream Two: Failure of understanding, failure of commiseration, failure of empathy...
Dream two starts imediately after dream one, I found myself walking in on A-----, trying to fix not only what little time we've had since the breakup, but too maybe just settle things between us, I forget most of the conversation, but it ended with her looking over her shoulder at the back of the room, where there was her new boyfriend, who had heard all the apologies, all the deep down dishing out and was sitting there with a smirk on his face, like a complete and utter prick (mind you this wasn't the actual bf, but someone new).
I feel like a complete ass at this point. Not only have I been caught unaware and for me at least, very open. But now this guy has heard all this and is just grinning like a shit eating dog. So swallowing my pride at this loss of face, I go over and introduce myself and try to shake his hand before I just leave. He wouldn't shake mine. I feel utterly pissed and embarrassed at the same time at this rejection of not only the minorest of polite gestures, but the fact that he's still just grinning at me. I just knew that any person who was like this would just ruin my friends life, but she would hear none of it. After I woke up after this, I actually grabbed my phone to call A-----, but realizing that it was like 4 in the morning I just went back to bed.
For me at least this is pretty obviously the dredging of my current worries; fear of losing my friendship with newly discovered old friends and fear for one of my most special friends with a touch of guilt. Blech.
I remember when I was younger I had been told that the last things you think of before you sleep are what you dream of. Therefore when I went to bed I would frantically think of nothing but a green, grassy field on a nice spring day. It never worked and I have never really had a nice dream ever, maybe 1 out of every 20.
For once I just want to sleep and dream of romping in that field with that damn Snuggles bear. Or flying, or whatever. I never get that.
So sticking with my usual posting of weird minutiae in my life, here are more dreams for you to peruse at leisure. These were all part and parcel the same damn dream, each one fishing some monstrous beast from the deep seas of Nod, some subconcious remnant that tooth-filled and horror stricken is, I would think, colored like the steel gray of February skies. What did Clive Barker describe such things, of loss and loneliness? Ah yes, the great grey beast February. Soft clawed, tender pawed and red of tooth.
So there you have some research ahead of you.
Dream One: Failure of clarity, failure of contact, failure of purpose...
This dream started with me being woken up by my friend A-- and another girl who I couldn't recognize. They were both asking me and my sister to go ahead and run through the play that I wrote for my sister, even though the whole thing was over and done with. After groggily trying to recall lines I had nailed a month ago, I kept just sitting there confused as hell as A-- and the other girl just kept berating me for not knowing my lines. Muddled, mixed up confusion and I think it had nothing to do with Leah's play so much as my faux paux with A--. So a failure of personal clarity, a case of bad contact and fucked up settings and finally a complete failure of purpose and method.
It should be noted that this dream offended me much, worried me even, that as I drove to work I started reciting the lines of the play to myself as I drove. Still got them. As for A--...... I fucked that up. Which is too bad, I'd rather hang with artists who get me, if even slightly.
Dream Two: Failure of understanding, failure of commiseration, failure of empathy...
Dream two starts imediately after dream one, I found myself walking in on A-----, trying to fix not only what little time we've had since the breakup, but too maybe just settle things between us, I forget most of the conversation, but it ended with her looking over her shoulder at the back of the room, where there was her new boyfriend, who had heard all the apologies, all the deep down dishing out and was sitting there with a smirk on his face, like a complete and utter prick (mind you this wasn't the actual bf, but someone new).
I feel like a complete ass at this point. Not only have I been caught unaware and for me at least, very open. But now this guy has heard all this and is just grinning like a shit eating dog. So swallowing my pride at this loss of face, I go over and introduce myself and try to shake his hand before I just leave. He wouldn't shake mine. I feel utterly pissed and embarrassed at the same time at this rejection of not only the minorest of polite gestures, but the fact that he's still just grinning at me. I just knew that any person who was like this would just ruin my friends life, but she would hear none of it. After I woke up after this, I actually grabbed my phone to call A-----, but realizing that it was like 4 in the morning I just went back to bed.
For me at least this is pretty obviously the dredging of my current worries; fear of losing my friendship with newly discovered old friends and fear for one of my most special friends with a touch of guilt. Blech.
I remember when I was younger I had been told that the last things you think of before you sleep are what you dream of. Therefore when I went to bed I would frantically think of nothing but a green, grassy field on a nice spring day. It never worked and I have never really had a nice dream ever, maybe 1 out of every 20.
For once I just want to sleep and dream of romping in that field with that damn Snuggles bear. Or flying, or whatever. I never get that.