!
So..i need to write this down or something, cause everytime I think about it I pretty much wanna kill myself.
On Saturday I went to Jeremy's. We had some good sex.
I felt loved and awesome and everything.
The his mom and Tara came back from windsor, so
Jeremy had to drive Tara home, after his mom drove down
to his nanny and papa to drop off their car, and we drove his mom home.
well we got down there and his Mom and Grandparents got in a conversation
about how Melanie's (Jeremy's other sister) mother in law is a complete
bitch and is "hogging" the wedding planning and stuff.
So Me and Jeremy sat down with Tara in the kitchen to have a smoke
and talk while the parents had a rant. Rants about the church, and
wedding party etc.
When they were done and were going to leave, Jeremy i guess was trying
to make a light-hearted joke, and told his grandmother that she wouldn't
have to worry about the church with us cause we aren't getting married in
one. And she was like "don't be foolish of course you are."
and Jeremy says: "nicole's not religious."
and she like freaked. She didn't believe me that i didn't believe in God.
she said things like "Anyone who doesn't believe in god is not good enough
to marry my grandson, anyone who doesn't believe in God is not my friend,
that's a sin." it's devil worship and stuff like that, and his mom was
like "I don't believe that you believe in nothing, you have to believe
in a higher power."
and nanny say's "where do you think your soul goes when you die"
and Lisa said "She doesn't think it goes anywhere."
and basically up to this point I was just trying to not listen to them
and trying not to pass out. trying not to bawl, but that failed.
Jeremy finally got them to shut up but i was too far gone and i just
started sobbing in Nanny's kitchen.
It hurt so bad to be made to feel like that. I felt hated and to be told
that someone thinks that you aren't good enough for their family is like
being ripped inside out. i have never felt so bad about who i am in all my life.
i finally get to a secure feeling within myself and i get tromped down into
the dirt.
Jeremy was really mad.
Then today Lisa talked to me on MSN, and told me she was sorry, and she
loved me, and that she talked to Nanny and Nanny was sorry.
I don't think that i will be able to see Nanny for a while though.
It still really hurts.
~Spanks
On Saturday I went to Jeremy's. We had some good sex.
I felt loved and awesome and everything.
The his mom and Tara came back from windsor, so
Jeremy had to drive Tara home, after his mom drove down
to his nanny and papa to drop off their car, and we drove his mom home.
well we got down there and his Mom and Grandparents got in a conversation
about how Melanie's (Jeremy's other sister) mother in law is a complete
bitch and is "hogging" the wedding planning and stuff.
So Me and Jeremy sat down with Tara in the kitchen to have a smoke
and talk while the parents had a rant. Rants about the church, and
wedding party etc.
When they were done and were going to leave, Jeremy i guess was trying
to make a light-hearted joke, and told his grandmother that she wouldn't
have to worry about the church with us cause we aren't getting married in
one. And she was like "don't be foolish of course you are."
and Jeremy says: "nicole's not religious."
and she like freaked. She didn't believe me that i didn't believe in God.
she said things like "Anyone who doesn't believe in god is not good enough
to marry my grandson, anyone who doesn't believe in God is not my friend,
that's a sin." it's devil worship and stuff like that, and his mom was
like "I don't believe that you believe in nothing, you have to believe
in a higher power."
and nanny say's "where do you think your soul goes when you die"
and Lisa said "She doesn't think it goes anywhere."
and basically up to this point I was just trying to not listen to them
and trying not to pass out. trying not to bawl, but that failed.
Jeremy finally got them to shut up but i was too far gone and i just
started sobbing in Nanny's kitchen.
It hurt so bad to be made to feel like that. I felt hated and to be told
that someone thinks that you aren't good enough for their family is like
being ripped inside out. i have never felt so bad about who i am in all my life.
i finally get to a secure feeling within myself and i get tromped down into
the dirt.
Jeremy was really mad.
Then today Lisa talked to me on MSN, and told me she was sorry, and she
loved me, and that she talked to Nanny and Nanny was sorry.
I don't think that i will be able to see Nanny for a while though.
It still really hurts.
~Spanks