(no subject)
i'm totally crying right now b/c i'm at the mercy of a ton of people who couldn't give a shit about how i feel, it's all about the money, i can't get my allergy creams (the preventative cream and the steroid cream--the onlyt one that really does anything at all) OR my anti depressants (self explanatory) for a few days and people don't realize that when they say "a few days," when the phrase nonchalantly rolls of their tongue, i feel like my whole existence is threatened and fuck you for being so vague, "a few days" without these two things is "a few days" of hell, so you tell me, am i going to stay in bed itching and not leave my room for TWO days or will it be FOUR days? i fucking hate it, i couldn;'t hold back the tears when i was standing at the fucking counter, he said he'd try to pull some strnigs but still, this scenario is just indicative of a much larger and pervasive problem--yes i DO need my skin stuff and i DO need my wellbutrin--but some people need to take medications that prevent them from DYING ie cancer and AIDS patients and to imagine them wading through this sea of bureaucracy is inordinately disgusting.
i just called my mom crying and she has to call her doctor friend to call the wellbutrin script in since it's faster that way, and she wants me to come home? i don't get it, i asked her if she wants me to drop out of school and she said no, but you're on all this stuff and maybe you need to be here and i said i don't see how anything would be different in california, i'd only be more depressed, and i totally flipped out AGAIN b/c she is doing the exact same thing to me, threatening my current situation and pulling ideas out of her ass when THIS IS MY LIFE she's musing over. PLUS i will be on allergy meds for the rest of my life, this is obvious by now, and anti-deps for at least the next few years, being in california would change NOTHINg about availability, and she can't pull the oh i could take care of you crap b/c she never has
i know this is angsty, i'm just upset
i just called my mom crying and she has to call her doctor friend to call the wellbutrin script in since it's faster that way, and she wants me to come home? i don't get it, i asked her if she wants me to drop out of school and she said no, but you're on all this stuff and maybe you need to be here and i said i don't see how anything would be different in california, i'd only be more depressed, and i totally flipped out AGAIN b/c she is doing the exact same thing to me, threatening my current situation and pulling ideas out of her ass when THIS IS MY LIFE she's musing over. PLUS i will be on allergy meds for the rest of my life, this is obvious by now, and anti-deps for at least the next few years, being in california would change NOTHINg about availability, and she can't pull the oh i could take care of you crap b/c she never has
i know this is angsty, i'm just upset