[emo candice has returned.]
fyi i didn't really enjoy my vacation to canada. so whatever.
umm but yea i kinda wrote this entry cuz for some reason i feel really helpless and lonely right now... when i honestly don't have much reason to. i have lots of people in my life that i love who love me... but i guess right now that doesn't feel like enough.
stop reading if you're gonna bitch at me about this, keep reading if you like... want. i guess. whatever.
hah and you thought you had a break from my trevor bullshit. hardly.
don't count on it. ever. i still miss him, and i'm still miserable because i'm without the one person in my life that i've ever truly loved. i've always missed him but i've tried to ignore it... and now it's suddenly getting hard to ignore... maybe because i had a week off and whenever i have spare time i think about him. idk. and it's hard to care anymore... there's nothing that i can do. i've been trying to get over him for 9 months. *checks date* to the date, actually. and nothing. either i was/am truly in love with him or something is seriously wrong with me.
i miss him so much and it doesn't make sense at all... and i don't care if he even reads this. i don't care if everyone in the entire world reads this. sure it makes sense to have a mourning period of a couple of months, but this is getting ridiculous. i have loved him since eighth grade, and nothing that i do and nothing that i tell myself seems to change it. i know that it's hopeless and that we'll never be together again (let alone be friends again)... and i don't know why i still think about him all the time, it keeps me awake at night, i think about him the second i wake up... and ugh idk. of course i like want things to be like they were again but they won't. and like... he's so mean to me. why do i still love him when he's so mean to me? trust me i know and realize more than you think, and i know that we'll never be together again, and i know that he has a girlfriend that he loves (and i am far less than happy for them). please if you'll talk to me about it i really need it because i can't deal with it by myself anymore.
i think i've gone nuts- i need a fucking shrink.
life sucks guys. i think if you comment say "get over it" i'm going to shove something up your ass...