dont cry now...
i havent updated in a few days because im getting sort of down myself.
i feel selfish. i dont have a reason to be. i have a decent place to live, with wonderful people. great family, friends and the cutest little girl ever..
but i am so stressed out. i just want to say "FUCK THE WORLD" and shut down. i cant though, cos i have little miss alexis counting on me.
perhaps that's a good thing. no, it is.
i have a meeting in two hours or so with my boss. im scared shitless...why? because he wants to know why im not back at work yet. i told him i would be...but im not.
there are many reasons why im not yet. i've been trying to get approved for help with daycare (got it. YAY) and i have to pick out a daycare. get them to fill out the paperwork...have to wait til the paperwork is processed..seeing how much will be covered and how much i will have to pay for.
then there is the fact i still have one last check up on the 7th. alexis has her two month check up on the 17th to start her shots. i cant start work and then ask for all this time off for these appointments. also i have a wic appointment on the 10th.
i am so scared that im going to walk into his office and he's going to fire me .. or tell me he wants me back at work next week and that i will have to say "sorry, i cant".
im still behind on rent. yes, steve loaned me some money..but i didnt ask him for all that i needed. i am so grateful that i have such wonderful roommates who understand that YES I AM TRYING. dont even ask me how im going to pay next months rent. or cell phone bill...
i feel so fucking bad cos i do have *some* money..but it's not money i can spend on anything except stuff for lexi. i have to get her food, diapers and all the stuff a baby requires.
steve always says "let me know if i can help" and god i want to say "PLEASE DO"...but it's not his or anyone elses responsibility to help me cover my bills.
i have faith that things will work out in the end. i do ... i have to. it's just getting to the end of this bullshit that scares me.
i feel selfish. i dont have a reason to be. i have a decent place to live, with wonderful people. great family, friends and the cutest little girl ever..
but i am so stressed out. i just want to say "FUCK THE WORLD" and shut down. i cant though, cos i have little miss alexis counting on me.
perhaps that's a good thing. no, it is.
i have a meeting in two hours or so with my boss. im scared shitless...why? because he wants to know why im not back at work yet. i told him i would be...but im not.
there are many reasons why im not yet. i've been trying to get approved for help with daycare (got it. YAY) and i have to pick out a daycare. get them to fill out the paperwork...have to wait til the paperwork is processed..seeing how much will be covered and how much i will have to pay for.
then there is the fact i still have one last check up on the 7th. alexis has her two month check up on the 17th to start her shots. i cant start work and then ask for all this time off for these appointments. also i have a wic appointment on the 10th.
i am so scared that im going to walk into his office and he's going to fire me .. or tell me he wants me back at work next week and that i will have to say "sorry, i cant".
im still behind on rent. yes, steve loaned me some money..but i didnt ask him for all that i needed. i am so grateful that i have such wonderful roommates who understand that YES I AM TRYING. dont even ask me how im going to pay next months rent. or cell phone bill...
i feel so fucking bad cos i do have *some* money..but it's not money i can spend on anything except stuff for lexi. i have to get her food, diapers and all the stuff a baby requires.
steve always says "let me know if i can help" and god i want to say "PLEASE DO"...but it's not his or anyone elses responsibility to help me cover my bills.
i have faith that things will work out in the end. i do ... i have to. it's just getting to the end of this bullshit that scares me.