(no subject)

[sewxmyxwounds]

i climb into bed
i climb into bed and i said
HEY MOM I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
and she said WHAT
WELL I REALLY DONT WANT TO TELL YOU IT
IS IT BAD?
YES
PROMISE YOU WONT GET MAD?
MAYBE
NO I CAN'T TELL YOU
YOU HAD SEX
my head was burried in the pillows
i shook it in a yes motion
WITH BRANDON?
again i shook my head in a yes motion while my face was starting to burn up. perhaps because my head was burried in the pillows? or perhaps i was anxious to hear what my mother had to say about it. i couldn't believe she knew what i was going to say.
HOW MANY TIMES?
ONCE... I LIED! i lied to my mother
i told her once
while here it was seven fucking times.
HOW LONG AGO?
ABOUT 2 MONTHS AGO
DID YOU GET YOUR PERIOD SINCE THEN?
YES MOM I DID
I'M DISSAPOINTED IN YOU
great
she's dissapointed in me. in my book, that's worse than being mad at me. she's dissapointed. her little baby girl. A SLUT!
i just needed to let it out
she wondered why i just couldn't let him go
and this is a reason why
i took his virginity
and i count him as taking mine (aside from the horrible sex i had the first time i ever did it to a NON VIRGIN i do not count)
he fucked me up
emotionally
he fucked me up
i feel bad for my next boyfriend
unless i can substract my fucked up emotions from me that are burried inside me.

i dont expect anyone to read this
but i hope you do.