i am not myself today
or all this week. why? ok, i know why. but why such a delicate balance? and why the fuck am i sick so much lately? sometimes i regret not leaving for san francisco. i hate to say it, but lately i feel like i'm not supposed to be here and want to start over. even if it isn't san francisco. there is not many things left here to soothe me anymore, and i feel that might be dangerous. like i said before, it is good being fit and feeling sexy sometimes. but man, if i'm off that exercise drug for a week, i'm back to irrationality. it's hard sitting here. and coughing.