[[she holds her head and rocks a little, trying to lull the oncoming headache away before it becomes a hassle.]] You say that. And, a-anyway, were they really "deaths"? How many came back? How many are still here?
I'm not even referring to the disappearances. [ Now, he's looking at her and realizes that this has hit her rather hard. ]
There have been other murders here, and, yeah, those people have come back, but it's still goddamn traumatizing. Then there's been people who have been very close to death, beaten within an inch of their lives, but no one mentioned a word about it.
[ Sits down next to her. ] I'm just sayin' you people need to be more...consistent.
[[she bites her lip before speaking again.]] They die, they come back. They're beaten, they don't die. They can't get out. They can't leave.
A part of this cycle until it says otherwise. [[she glances at his feet.]] Why? I want to give all of it up. My new friends, Elliot, everything hear I've learned. I-I want out. I can't deal with all these circular thoughts. I can't-- I can't deal with seeing people being hurt so much.
It... I know it's selfish. I am selfish and-- [[she winces.]] Childish. It's childish. But, Burch. It hurts. It hurts to wake up and not know what I'm going to hear or say. I'm sick of not knowing, I'm sick of doubt.
[[she turns, looking at him. she's holding back something, but what, it's hard to say. some sort of swelling emotion.]] I don't... I don't know anymore, Burch.
It's not selfish. Or maybe it is. [ He shrugs. It doesn't really matter anymore. Everyone else is looking out for Number One, why shouldn't they? ] But it's important to think this way. To never let It win; never give up the chance of getting out one day.
[ Hearing her talk like this hurts. He's reminded of Idaho and how he had warned her and how she still wanted to stay. How that had ultimately become her undoing. ]
You have to keep thinking that way. Have to. [ He steeples his fingers together, hold them under his chin. His mind has still been plagued with the conversation he had with Wisconsin not too long ago, and he needs to share his thoughts with someone. This seems like an opportune time. ]
When they disappear--did you know? When they disappear, we forget them.
[[she listens, all the while feeling pangs of pain hit the innermost crevices of herself. she looks at the floor again, taking shaky breaths. she can't seem to breathe enough. there's not enough air. not enough in the whole world.
she snaps out of it though, one final hitch before:]] Disappear...?
Of course, disappear. And now there's no way of knowing how many have gone.
[ If she were a man, he'd give her a good slap on the back and make some crack about being too stupid to breathe. But, it's not the time for rude jokes, especially he understands how terrible the air in this place is. ]
Maybe there have been other Montanas. Other Alaskas, but we don't remember. I don't remember. It seems that when a new one shows up, we forget the old one. Or, maybe, after a certain period of time we forget. It's impossible to say, since I'm not the one who remembers.
Other... Alaskas? [[she turns, staring out at... something. nothing in particular.]] Other Alaskas. Other Montanas.
So... That means... [[she slowly moves, wrapping her arms around her stomach.]] T-That means-- [[her throat feels so much tighter now. it hurts, that thought.]]
That means that we all... W-We're all going to be replaced? By another? [[she looks at him again.]] We-- You and I, and everyone?
At some point, yes. I don't know if it's HQ that does it, or if it's something that's always happened but no one ever noticed until they came here.
[ He pulls his wallet out from his back pocket. He folds it open and takes out a small piece of paper with a few names scrawled across it. ]
It almost makes you wonder if any of our memories are real. Did I really live through the wars and Copper Kings, or were those someone else's memories I stole once that person was gone. [ Glances at the note. ] That's why I'm writing things down now. So I don't forget.
[[she stares at the list, looking at the names. her eyes get a bit wider, but she manages to drag her gaze back to burch.]]
My... memories. [[another wave of great sadness and hurt. they keep washing over her, like dark, suffocating water.]] That... no, that can't be. It can't be right.
I'm not saying for sure. Maybe you've been Alaska...forever. But maybe not. I'm just sayin', in case something happens, you should have a backup plan. Write down important names. Make sure others write down yours. Backup. I'm not trying to scare you--just warn you.
[ Puts the paper away, tucks his wallet in his back pocket. ] All this shit going on, and all I can think is, damn, I really need a cigarette.
You're not beat up about this too, are you?
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I wish I wasn't, though. [[her eyes are seemingly dimmer than usual. hazy, clouded.]]
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There's probably been 20 deaths here, and they should all be treated the same.
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[[she holds her head and rocks a little, trying to lull the oncoming headache away before it becomes a hassle.]] You say that. And, a-anyway, were they really "deaths"? How many came back? How many are still here?
[[pause.]] I can't even define death anymore.
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There have been other murders here, and, yeah, those people have come back, but it's still goddamn traumatizing. Then there's been people who have been very close to death, beaten within an inch of their lives, but no one mentioned a word about it.
[ Sits down next to her. ] I'm just sayin' you people need to be more...consistent.
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[[she bites her lip before speaking again.]] They die, they come back. They're beaten, they don't die. They can't get out. They can't leave.
A part of this cycle until it says otherwise. [[she glances at his feet.]] Why? I want to give all of it up. My new friends, Elliot, everything hear I've learned. I-I want out. I can't deal with all these circular thoughts. I can't-- I can't deal with seeing people being hurt so much.
It... I know it's selfish. I am selfish and-- [[she winces.]] Childish. It's childish. But, Burch. It hurts. It hurts to wake up and not know what I'm going to hear or say. I'm sick of not knowing, I'm sick of doubt.
[[she turns, looking at him. she's holding back something, but what, it's hard to say. some sort of swelling emotion.]] I don't... I don't know anymore, Burch.
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[ Hearing her talk like this hurts. He's reminded of Idaho and how he had warned her and how she still wanted to stay. How that had ultimately become her undoing. ]
You have to keep thinking that way. Have to. [ He steeples his fingers together, hold them under his chin. His mind has still been plagued with the conversation he had with Wisconsin not too long ago, and he needs to share his thoughts with someone. This seems like an opportune time. ]
When they disappear--did you know? When they disappear, we forget them.
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she snaps out of it though, one final hitch before:]] Disappear...?
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[ If she were a man, he'd give her a good slap on the back and make some crack about being too stupid to breathe. But, it's not the time for rude jokes, especially he understands how terrible the air in this place is. ]
Maybe there have been other Montanas. Other Alaskas, but we don't remember. I don't remember. It seems that when a new one shows up, we forget the old one. Or, maybe, after a certain period of time we forget. It's impossible to say, since I'm not the one who remembers.
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So... That means... [[she slowly moves, wrapping her arms around her stomach.]] T-That means-- [[her throat feels so much tighter now. it hurts, that thought.]]
That means that we all... W-We're all going to be replaced? By another? [[she looks at him again.]] We-- You and I, and everyone?
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[ He pulls his wallet out from his back pocket. He folds it open and takes out a small piece of paper with a few names scrawled across it. ]
It almost makes you wonder if any of our memories are real. Did I really live through the wars and Copper Kings, or were those someone else's memories I stole once that person was gone. [ Glances at the note. ] That's why I'm writing things down now. So I don't forget.
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My... memories. [[another wave of great sadness and hurt. they keep washing over her, like dark, suffocating water.]] That... no, that can't be. It can't be right.
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[ Puts the paper away, tucks his wallet in his back pocket. ] All this shit going on, and all I can think is, damn, I really need a cigarette.
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Smoking... is bad for you. [[nag nag nag.]]
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I'm not smoking around you. [ Stands up, nodding down at her in good-bye. ] Don't let the psychos get ya.
[ Starts walking away. ]
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[[she doesn't stand up, but she does tense up a great deal.]] Please. I-- Don't go.
You can smoke. I don't care. Just... I don't want to b-be alone right now.
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