A Page A Day
I have been trying to do at least a page a day of writing. My goal is not in fact to get a lot done so much as to not, say, fail to do any writing at all. I have made it to 110 pages (approximately) and granted they're probably smaller on a computer screen (I am using a pen and paper for the moment). Frankly, I've vastly superseceded my original goal just through the cruise but it's amazing how little I actually have to do in order to be happy. I can write a paragraph and feel accomplished for the day.
I can only imagine what it must have been like if I put as much work I put into Persona Mush which I left almost a year ago just into my personal writing. I'd probably have two more drafts of new books to write by now. And to think, all that work I put into that game didn't result in even an iota of the pleasure relative to me just writing a page of personal writing.
My new two goals have been 'exercise every so often' and 'write every day'. I have roughly stuck to the latter more than the former but I am confident I can return to the former rather soon. The european cruise, a vacation I originally dreaded due to my distaste of airflights (and yes I still hated the airflight), was perhaps the best vacation I've ever had.
Now that I've actually published (admittedly self published), the pressure keeping me from writing has been a lot lighter. Especially once I started back up again. I feel the current subject matter I'm working with could last me quite a while. While Typo (which should be on amazon in a week or so) had a lot of inspiration from mushing, this one has a lot less aside from one repurposed character. Rather, I have canabalized a lot from other stories I've written that also have had little mush inspiration--at least, that's the stuff I'm stealing from.
The story is called Maxwell and the Walled City. While Typo was meant to largely stand on its own (with some cliffhangers in case), Maxwell and the Walled City is meant for a series. I know roughly how it ends and how I'm gonna get there, though I'm probably only...1/4th done? It's gonna be a lot longer than Typo most likely. Granted I'm not on the part I dread, ie: editing, but I imagine it'll be a lot easier this time around, especially since I have an example of how to professionally set up a book (I will probably still have to look for errant commas).
I don't blame this on leaving PersonaMush so much as my attitude changing after I did so. It isn't simply because I felt happier leaving a place I would have enjoyed had it not been for the scumholes running it, and it isn't simply because frankly I've been rather vindicated by time on the matter, but rather it's because I have come to grips with the concept of fairweather friends (as well as 'friends' who are really out to complain about you behind the back so only a new player will tell you as you're leaving the game what they've been saying about you).
I have friends who I don't always enjoy being around, and often I strongly disagree with, and sometimes do things that utterly baffle me. But, as it turned out, many of these people were actually quite good friends. They would talk to me, COME to me to talk with me, I wouldn't have to chase them down, or page, or beg. And certainly, we've had fights, but at the end of the day they'd be my friend when it's important, not just when it's easy.
Fairweather friends (as well as 'friends') will often be your friend when it's convenient for them. This isn't strictly bad, after all being polite and friendly with people you don't actually care for is the foundation of modern and civil society, but I do think it's important to recognize them for what they are and keep the walls up. Of course, there is no immunity to being hurt, especially since you should always give at least one chance for them to be true friends. But you have to figure it out and the sooner the better. Sometimes fairweather friends will seem nicer and more wonderful than your true friends because they will hug and squoz you over the internet because it is easy to hug and squoz over the internet. There are plenty of friends on the internet to hug you when you are feeling down.
But a true friend will do something better than hug you. They will try to help you. They will recognize when you are feeling down even if you're not saying otherwise and they will try to comfort you not with a meaningless gesture but with a request, 'is there anyway I can help?'.
I have learned that fairweather friends and even 'friends' are people to be polite to, but never trusted. Don't tell them you don't trust them, of course, simply don't trust them. Let them in as much as you can without letting them get in position to hurt you and you'll get along with them splendidly and everyone will be happy and you may even do great things together. That is not exclusion, or 'cliquishness', activities that I still despise--don't worry, I'm still sewa, but there is a difference between telling someone who gives no shits about your sorrows (the fairweather friend) and effectively setting them on /ignore, or convincing your other friends to shun them either indirectly or directly. There is a difference between not liking a plot and using your power to shut it down because you don't like it. That is Leo's true genius, by the by, when it comes to running games. He lets people run plots that he thinks are stupid and even if it's sometimes annoying to those that think such plots are stupid, he still lets them run them. He may have suggestions for tweaks. He doesn't, as far as I recall, kill off your npcs because they're npcs, he will make it clear if what you're going to do is going to clear them or you or whatever. He wants your character death to be fun for you, to be what you want. That's why I respect him. He is an honest admin. There are plenty of folks who don't like how he runs things and were happy to demonize him but for whatever faults you might find with his style, he has done the most important thing right: Not run the game by his personal preference but rather use his personal preference to improve plotlines.
I know some folks like to pick on Oathkeeper too, but frankly even while he does sometimes hem and haw over his prefs, ultimately--even if perhaps with more argument than was really neccessary--he does endeavour to improve rather than deny. His beliefs may be different than mine, but his strategy is a lot closer to Leo's than some might say.
Unfortunately being on a properly run Mush has had less reward for me than it used to. Bringing it back to the original point, I still get more out of life through my personal writing--even through just a single page--than a week's worth of scenes. Don't get me wrong, it's still fun, but it's become readily apparent that the higher class of drug is my own work.
Don't get me wrong, of course, there is value there, even value you won't get out of just writing on your own. You can learn--and lets not forget the social aspect (provided you keep track of who is a fairweather friend and who is a true friend)--and frankly sometimes you'll just want to not work.
And you might say, are you saying the standards of a mush are low? And I would say yes, the standards for any GOOD, properly run mush, will be low. M3's low standards produced some people who never learn, certainly, but they also produced many of the best rpers on the circuit because they were given the chance to become the best. The problem with high standards is that nobody agrees on what a high standard is. Sure, some staffer or another may have the same standards as you for a while, but eventually you'll disagree and someone is going to have to leave the game because someone's 'standards' won't let them bend. It won't let them follow the basic rule of the game: Cooperative RP. And of course Leo sometimes 'just says no', but you can tell the difference between when that's appropriate and when that's preference. usually because the person saying no will just say no, if it's appropriate, whereas the one who is acting on preference will hem and haw and talk about how uncomfortable they are.
But it's because of these low standards that a mush does have some limits for the creative individual, it may not be readily apparent but it's there. It's there to protect you, it's there to protect everyone, and ultimately for however annoying it is, it's far better than the alternative.
So here's my suggestion if you are not enjoying the roleplay life or are otherwise disatisfied: Create your own content. Do your own writing, art. Work on your own creative impulses. Even a page is fine, so is a sketch. It doesn't even have to be that great, it just has to not be for the mush at all.
You'll be a lot happier. It won't solve the problems of the game, but it's like a comparision image: Those problems will be a lot smaller.
I can only imagine what it must have been like if I put as much work I put into Persona Mush which I left almost a year ago just into my personal writing. I'd probably have two more drafts of new books to write by now. And to think, all that work I put into that game didn't result in even an iota of the pleasure relative to me just writing a page of personal writing.
My new two goals have been 'exercise every so often' and 'write every day'. I have roughly stuck to the latter more than the former but I am confident I can return to the former rather soon. The european cruise, a vacation I originally dreaded due to my distaste of airflights (and yes I still hated the airflight), was perhaps the best vacation I've ever had.
Now that I've actually published (admittedly self published), the pressure keeping me from writing has been a lot lighter. Especially once I started back up again. I feel the current subject matter I'm working with could last me quite a while. While Typo (which should be on amazon in a week or so) had a lot of inspiration from mushing, this one has a lot less aside from one repurposed character. Rather, I have canabalized a lot from other stories I've written that also have had little mush inspiration--at least, that's the stuff I'm stealing from.
The story is called Maxwell and the Walled City. While Typo was meant to largely stand on its own (with some cliffhangers in case), Maxwell and the Walled City is meant for a series. I know roughly how it ends and how I'm gonna get there, though I'm probably only...1/4th done? It's gonna be a lot longer than Typo most likely. Granted I'm not on the part I dread, ie: editing, but I imagine it'll be a lot easier this time around, especially since I have an example of how to professionally set up a book (I will probably still have to look for errant commas).
I don't blame this on leaving PersonaMush so much as my attitude changing after I did so. It isn't simply because I felt happier leaving a place I would have enjoyed had it not been for the scumholes running it, and it isn't simply because frankly I've been rather vindicated by time on the matter, but rather it's because I have come to grips with the concept of fairweather friends (as well as 'friends' who are really out to complain about you behind the back so only a new player will tell you as you're leaving the game what they've been saying about you).
I have friends who I don't always enjoy being around, and often I strongly disagree with, and sometimes do things that utterly baffle me. But, as it turned out, many of these people were actually quite good friends. They would talk to me, COME to me to talk with me, I wouldn't have to chase them down, or page, or beg. And certainly, we've had fights, but at the end of the day they'd be my friend when it's important, not just when it's easy.
Fairweather friends (as well as 'friends') will often be your friend when it's convenient for them. This isn't strictly bad, after all being polite and friendly with people you don't actually care for is the foundation of modern and civil society, but I do think it's important to recognize them for what they are and keep the walls up. Of course, there is no immunity to being hurt, especially since you should always give at least one chance for them to be true friends. But you have to figure it out and the sooner the better. Sometimes fairweather friends will seem nicer and more wonderful than your true friends because they will hug and squoz you over the internet because it is easy to hug and squoz over the internet. There are plenty of friends on the internet to hug you when you are feeling down.
But a true friend will do something better than hug you. They will try to help you. They will recognize when you are feeling down even if you're not saying otherwise and they will try to comfort you not with a meaningless gesture but with a request, 'is there anyway I can help?'.
I have learned that fairweather friends and even 'friends' are people to be polite to, but never trusted. Don't tell them you don't trust them, of course, simply don't trust them. Let them in as much as you can without letting them get in position to hurt you and you'll get along with them splendidly and everyone will be happy and you may even do great things together. That is not exclusion, or 'cliquishness', activities that I still despise--don't worry, I'm still sewa, but there is a difference between telling someone who gives no shits about your sorrows (the fairweather friend) and effectively setting them on /ignore, or convincing your other friends to shun them either indirectly or directly. There is a difference between not liking a plot and using your power to shut it down because you don't like it. That is Leo's true genius, by the by, when it comes to running games. He lets people run plots that he thinks are stupid and even if it's sometimes annoying to those that think such plots are stupid, he still lets them run them. He may have suggestions for tweaks. He doesn't, as far as I recall, kill off your npcs because they're npcs, he will make it clear if what you're going to do is going to clear them or you or whatever. He wants your character death to be fun for you, to be what you want. That's why I respect him. He is an honest admin. There are plenty of folks who don't like how he runs things and were happy to demonize him but for whatever faults you might find with his style, he has done the most important thing right: Not run the game by his personal preference but rather use his personal preference to improve plotlines.
I know some folks like to pick on Oathkeeper too, but frankly even while he does sometimes hem and haw over his prefs, ultimately--even if perhaps with more argument than was really neccessary--he does endeavour to improve rather than deny. His beliefs may be different than mine, but his strategy is a lot closer to Leo's than some might say.
Unfortunately being on a properly run Mush has had less reward for me than it used to. Bringing it back to the original point, I still get more out of life through my personal writing--even through just a single page--than a week's worth of scenes. Don't get me wrong, it's still fun, but it's become readily apparent that the higher class of drug is my own work.
Don't get me wrong, of course, there is value there, even value you won't get out of just writing on your own. You can learn--and lets not forget the social aspect (provided you keep track of who is a fairweather friend and who is a true friend)--and frankly sometimes you'll just want to not work.
And you might say, are you saying the standards of a mush are low? And I would say yes, the standards for any GOOD, properly run mush, will be low. M3's low standards produced some people who never learn, certainly, but they also produced many of the best rpers on the circuit because they were given the chance to become the best. The problem with high standards is that nobody agrees on what a high standard is. Sure, some staffer or another may have the same standards as you for a while, but eventually you'll disagree and someone is going to have to leave the game because someone's 'standards' won't let them bend. It won't let them follow the basic rule of the game: Cooperative RP. And of course Leo sometimes 'just says no', but you can tell the difference between when that's appropriate and when that's preference. usually because the person saying no will just say no, if it's appropriate, whereas the one who is acting on preference will hem and haw and talk about how uncomfortable they are.
But it's because of these low standards that a mush does have some limits for the creative individual, it may not be readily apparent but it's there. It's there to protect you, it's there to protect everyone, and ultimately for however annoying it is, it's far better than the alternative.
So here's my suggestion if you are not enjoying the roleplay life or are otherwise disatisfied: Create your own content. Do your own writing, art. Work on your own creative impulses. Even a page is fine, so is a sketch. It doesn't even have to be that great, it just has to not be for the mush at all.
You'll be a lot happier. It won't solve the problems of the game, but it's like a comparision image: Those problems will be a lot smaller.