I resort to this.
I rarely write in this journal anymore because I just don't think of it, or I'm usually happy enough not to have something to bitch about. But in the matter of 48 hours my life as really gotten fucked up.
In Davis you have to start looking for an apartment in January in order to secure a lease for fall. This year I lived with Kelli, Zia, and Colleen. Early this year Zia already told us she didn't want to live with us next year, and that was ok because she is fucking nuts. This year Colleen and Kelli share a room, but they want their own room next year. We realized we wouldn't be able to afford our current apartment with just the three of us. So my mom and I have been looking for apartments and trying to figure out how much we could spend so that Kelli could still only pay 500 dollars a month(her current rent budget). Of course, there's the ever present fact that Colleen is fucking rich but pretends she doesn't have money for rent. Kelli, Colleen, and I had previously talked to one of our friends about living with us but she seemed not to really be going for it. So since we got back from winter break I've been trying to talkj with them about next year but they seemed really reluctant, and I thought it was just because they are really busy with their internship. A couple days ago I was telling my mom about how they didn't want to talk about it, and she brought up that "maybe they didn't want to live together next year". I couldn't believe she would say that, she's always so cruel, telling me I have no friends and stuff. So on SAturday asked them, and they told me they didn't want to live with me next year. I asked them why, and they said, "different lifestyles". I asked them what that meant and they told me it was because I leave stuff in the common room. Here are they things I leave in the common room: books, my backpack, and some pens, and my computer. And this is just SOMETIMES. It's not like I have shit all over the floor, no this is on the coffee table, MY FUCKING COFFEE TABLE. The way they told me they didn't feel bad at all, no "I'm sorry", or anything else. I felt myself starting to cry so I went in my room with my computer and sobbed. THEY ARE MY ONLY FRIENDS IN DAVIS. I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER FRIENDS, WHERE DO THEY THINK I AM GOING TO GO? THE BEST PART? They've known since before Christmas break and they didn't tell me, ALSO the mutual friend we talked to earlier this year, that wasn't so interested? YEAH they are living with her, it wouldn't be so hurtful if it was just the two BUT NO they are replacing me. After about 20 minutes I came out of my room sobbing and I told them how cruel it was that they were doing this to me, and I don't have any other friends, and I had spent so much time trying to find us an apartment and my mom was willing to spend way too much money in order to help Kelli out. That's when they told be how long they'd known and who they were living with. THEY DIDN'T FEEL ANY REMORSE. I WAS SOBBING MY EYES OUT and all Kelli could say, "Everyone I know has changed roommates every year". WHO THE FUCK CARES? WHO THE FUCK CARES.
After about a half an hour they left to go to their internship and I came out of my room and watched tv and ate cereal and tried to compose myself for when they came home. When they came home they were nice, but I will never forgive them. EVER. I don't even know if I want to be friends with people like that. The best part is that they aren't that clean either! Their rooms are clean, but they CONSTANTLY leave dirty dishes in the sink and on the burner for DAYS. And I end up doing them because they won't do them. I also always clean the kitchen and load the dish washer(during which I have to clean/wash out all the dishes/glasses that have caked on food because they didn't wash them out after they ate.). I mean who ditches some one because they leave books in the common room. Colleen leaves her books/computer out too. Also, when she lays on the bean bags and uses the living room blankets she leaves them where she had them and doesn't put them away. Kelli usually doesn't leave anything out but what bothers me is I thought she was so nice, this decision just goes against everything I thought I knew about her. It really makes me reconsider what she may REALLY be like, maybe she puts on a great act.
Today they left abruptly at about 11 am and when Zia asked where they were going they didn't answer. When they came back abotu 2 hours later Zia asked again and they said they went to see Annamarie(the mutual friend) and I knew what they meant. Later I just point blank asked Colleen, " So what apartments did you look at?". I mean FOR GOD'S SAKE I'M NOT STUPID. DON'T BE SO FUCKING SNEAKY. And despite the fact that when I asked Kelli if I "was allowed to live in the same complex as them" and she said "of course", they seemed pretty reluctant to tell me about where they looked. I just hate them. If I could I would move out now, tomorrow, as soon as possible.
GOD, I DO SO MUCH FOR THEM. I just went to the fridge and saw there is barely any butter left, and you know why? NO ONE BUYS ESSENTIALS EXCEPT ME. If I didn't buy butter, flour, sugar, salt, pepper, shit like that, there wouldn't be any, and they would be all exasperated when their wasn't any. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. I DON'T EVEN MAKE THEM SPLIT IN THE BILL. AND YOU KNOW WHAT ALSO? Kelli is the ONLY ONE that pays me on time for the utilities and cable/internet, I am just now reminding Zia and Colleen that they owe me money for November's utilities, and they also owe me for December. God. What the fuck is wrong with people?
I would live by myself next year, but I don't have the money to pay 900 dollars in rent each month. So now I don't know what they fuck I'm going to do. I might know one person I could live with, but who knows if that is still available.
Oh now Colleen just argued with me about the utility bill, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I think I know what the bill is, I PAY IT.
What the fuck is happening in my life. I seriously have 3 real friends, and maybe 5 friends.
Oh and I tried to call David earlier and he was in one of stupid moods and not being serious and I just couldn't ralk to him about this when he was like that.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
EDIT: Oh yeah I forgot one of my fatal flaws, I leave the remote on THE COUCH, not lined up with all the remotes on the edge of the coffee table. OH YEAH! I leave the salt and pepper shakers THAT I BOUGHT on the coffee table, and not on the designated place on the table THAT I BROUGHT. Fuck all of that shit.
In Davis you have to start looking for an apartment in January in order to secure a lease for fall. This year I lived with Kelli, Zia, and Colleen. Early this year Zia already told us she didn't want to live with us next year, and that was ok because she is fucking nuts. This year Colleen and Kelli share a room, but they want their own room next year. We realized we wouldn't be able to afford our current apartment with just the three of us. So my mom and I have been looking for apartments and trying to figure out how much we could spend so that Kelli could still only pay 500 dollars a month(her current rent budget). Of course, there's the ever present fact that Colleen is fucking rich but pretends she doesn't have money for rent. Kelli, Colleen, and I had previously talked to one of our friends about living with us but she seemed not to really be going for it. So since we got back from winter break I've been trying to talkj with them about next year but they seemed really reluctant, and I thought it was just because they are really busy with their internship. A couple days ago I was telling my mom about how they didn't want to talk about it, and she brought up that "maybe they didn't want to live together next year". I couldn't believe she would say that, she's always so cruel, telling me I have no friends and stuff. So on SAturday asked them, and they told me they didn't want to live with me next year. I asked them why, and they said, "different lifestyles". I asked them what that meant and they told me it was because I leave stuff in the common room. Here are they things I leave in the common room: books, my backpack, and some pens, and my computer. And this is just SOMETIMES. It's not like I have shit all over the floor, no this is on the coffee table, MY FUCKING COFFEE TABLE. The way they told me they didn't feel bad at all, no "I'm sorry", or anything else. I felt myself starting to cry so I went in my room with my computer and sobbed. THEY ARE MY ONLY FRIENDS IN DAVIS. I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER FRIENDS, WHERE DO THEY THINK I AM GOING TO GO? THE BEST PART? They've known since before Christmas break and they didn't tell me, ALSO the mutual friend we talked to earlier this year, that wasn't so interested? YEAH they are living with her, it wouldn't be so hurtful if it was just the two BUT NO they are replacing me. After about 20 minutes I came out of my room sobbing and I told them how cruel it was that they were doing this to me, and I don't have any other friends, and I had spent so much time trying to find us an apartment and my mom was willing to spend way too much money in order to help Kelli out. That's when they told be how long they'd known and who they were living with. THEY DIDN'T FEEL ANY REMORSE. I WAS SOBBING MY EYES OUT and all Kelli could say, "Everyone I know has changed roommates every year". WHO THE FUCK CARES? WHO THE FUCK CARES.
After about a half an hour they left to go to their internship and I came out of my room and watched tv and ate cereal and tried to compose myself for when they came home. When they came home they were nice, but I will never forgive them. EVER. I don't even know if I want to be friends with people like that. The best part is that they aren't that clean either! Their rooms are clean, but they CONSTANTLY leave dirty dishes in the sink and on the burner for DAYS. And I end up doing them because they won't do them. I also always clean the kitchen and load the dish washer(during which I have to clean/wash out all the dishes/glasses that have caked on food because they didn't wash them out after they ate.). I mean who ditches some one because they leave books in the common room. Colleen leaves her books/computer out too. Also, when she lays on the bean bags and uses the living room blankets she leaves them where she had them and doesn't put them away. Kelli usually doesn't leave anything out but what bothers me is I thought she was so nice, this decision just goes against everything I thought I knew about her. It really makes me reconsider what she may REALLY be like, maybe she puts on a great act.
Today they left abruptly at about 11 am and when Zia asked where they were going they didn't answer. When they came back abotu 2 hours later Zia asked again and they said they went to see Annamarie(the mutual friend) and I knew what they meant. Later I just point blank asked Colleen, " So what apartments did you look at?". I mean FOR GOD'S SAKE I'M NOT STUPID. DON'T BE SO FUCKING SNEAKY. And despite the fact that when I asked Kelli if I "was allowed to live in the same complex as them" and she said "of course", they seemed pretty reluctant to tell me about where they looked. I just hate them. If I could I would move out now, tomorrow, as soon as possible.
GOD, I DO SO MUCH FOR THEM. I just went to the fridge and saw there is barely any butter left, and you know why? NO ONE BUYS ESSENTIALS EXCEPT ME. If I didn't buy butter, flour, sugar, salt, pepper, shit like that, there wouldn't be any, and they would be all exasperated when their wasn't any. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. I DON'T EVEN MAKE THEM SPLIT IN THE BILL. AND YOU KNOW WHAT ALSO? Kelli is the ONLY ONE that pays me on time for the utilities and cable/internet, I am just now reminding Zia and Colleen that they owe me money for November's utilities, and they also owe me for December. God. What the fuck is wrong with people?
I would live by myself next year, but I don't have the money to pay 900 dollars in rent each month. So now I don't know what they fuck I'm going to do. I might know one person I could live with, but who knows if that is still available.
Oh now Colleen just argued with me about the utility bill, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I think I know what the bill is, I PAY IT.
What the fuck is happening in my life. I seriously have 3 real friends, and maybe 5 friends.
Oh and I tried to call David earlier and he was in one of stupid moods and not being serious and I just couldn't ralk to him about this when he was like that.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
EDIT: Oh yeah I forgot one of my fatal flaws, I leave the remote on THE COUCH, not lined up with all the remotes on the edge of the coffee table. OH YEAH! I leave the salt and pepper shakers THAT I BOUGHT on the coffee table, and not on the designated place on the table THAT I BROUGHT. Fuck all of that shit.