(no subject)
I remember being rather confused the day we talked about death in Psych and Religion. It mainly revolved around our fear and denial of death, how we push it aside and deny the fact that we will end eventually, let alone any moment. It was a good class, because we learned how much life can improve if you do the complete opposite; keep death near, always appreciate the fact that you are alive and never take it for granted
This and the evil lecture were the few times I thought Ralph was being a little too opinionated. He couldn't emphasis enough that the evil he characterized in true sociopaths was real, that people could do all these horrible things, that people like that actually existed. It was also one of the few classes where I didn't learn anything new; I wasn't surprised in the least. IMO, there is no such thing as evil. The evil he described is just another scope of human behavior, one that anyone can participate, not just the one's tortured throughout their childhood
I had the same doubts with the death lecture, because he talked of our denial of it as if that's just how everyone treated death. Maybe I didn't pick up that he was talking about religiously closed-minded people, but I felt that either I was missing something or he was being a little biased. How can anyone deny death? Well, I know it's very possible to deny it, but I sure as hell can't. Unless through some incredible leap of faith, I sure as hell don't deny it. I'm not overwhelmed with anxiety about it, as he said people were; I wasn't dreading the day nor so afraid that I live in denial that one day I'll go out. My unease strengthened when I told my friend what I thought, and he too said he felt the same fear. One friend I interviewed all quarter had trouble sleeping when he was little, so anxious and afraid of the inevitable end
I have never denied nor been preoccupied nor felt any amount of anxiety over it
I'm terrified of climbing Tree 9; The branches are huge, thick and slippery, worn down by the many years and feet of climbers. It's not easy going, no easy gripping, throwing yourself at a branch that you have no sure grip on whatsoever. I'm afraid of falling and hurting myself really fucking badly; I'm not afraid that I will never wake again
Maybe it's because I never experienced a close encounter, but I contribute it to my lifelong struggle with life in general. I've never been suicidal; I just didn't care one way or the other, especially this summer. When I'm not at the physical fringe of potentially dying like in Tree 9, I get a sick thrill from driving around with an inebriated driver. I've been with drivers speeding down the Berkeley hills, me bitch-seated next to tense and terrified passengers, and me calmed and relaxed by the whole experience. I enjoyed it like a roller coaster, but more so like the effects of meditation; just chill and calm and content. I recall that memory for the the peak of a calm and free night; when you hop in a car with friends truly clear-headed from responsibility or anxiety. It's an emotion I can't describe, but recall very fondly. When I first started going out and doing crazy stuff with friends. I had never felt more alive that those nights, and that peace of mind came strongly during that car ride
In Short,
I want to do this at some point in my life
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/990698/insane_flying_past_mountains/
I love running and biking really fucking fast. It brings me back to that calm place, moving so fast that all the worries in the world fly away as fast as the world
Working out really hard gets me there, too
This is why being inured depresses me more than most anything combined. Fortunately, I have a new mindset that helps me deal, and I've been so sick with frustration at my plight that I've numbed up to it. At times I've slipped up and hurt myself again. What an odd peace of mind self destruction brings. Just letting that rage go on yourself. That's why I love racing sports and exercise almost more than the joy one gets from moving freely on a strong and fit body. Like when mountain biking I get more thrill from forcing myself back up the mountain we just sped perilously down
I miss those days when I could just drop everything and go run till I burst. One angry night I went out and hauled ass for 3 hours. My first half marathon 5 months from the last time I had ever run
Woopdeedoo
Body, I sure could use you right about now
This and the evil lecture were the few times I thought Ralph was being a little too opinionated. He couldn't emphasis enough that the evil he characterized in true sociopaths was real, that people could do all these horrible things, that people like that actually existed. It was also one of the few classes where I didn't learn anything new; I wasn't surprised in the least. IMO, there is no such thing as evil. The evil he described is just another scope of human behavior, one that anyone can participate, not just the one's tortured throughout their childhood
I had the same doubts with the death lecture, because he talked of our denial of it as if that's just how everyone treated death. Maybe I didn't pick up that he was talking about religiously closed-minded people, but I felt that either I was missing something or he was being a little biased. How can anyone deny death? Well, I know it's very possible to deny it, but I sure as hell can't. Unless through some incredible leap of faith, I sure as hell don't deny it. I'm not overwhelmed with anxiety about it, as he said people were; I wasn't dreading the day nor so afraid that I live in denial that one day I'll go out. My unease strengthened when I told my friend what I thought, and he too said he felt the same fear. One friend I interviewed all quarter had trouble sleeping when he was little, so anxious and afraid of the inevitable end
I have never denied nor been preoccupied nor felt any amount of anxiety over it
I'm terrified of climbing Tree 9; The branches are huge, thick and slippery, worn down by the many years and feet of climbers. It's not easy going, no easy gripping, throwing yourself at a branch that you have no sure grip on whatsoever. I'm afraid of falling and hurting myself really fucking badly; I'm not afraid that I will never wake again
Maybe it's because I never experienced a close encounter, but I contribute it to my lifelong struggle with life in general. I've never been suicidal; I just didn't care one way or the other, especially this summer. When I'm not at the physical fringe of potentially dying like in Tree 9, I get a sick thrill from driving around with an inebriated driver. I've been with drivers speeding down the Berkeley hills, me bitch-seated next to tense and terrified passengers, and me calmed and relaxed by the whole experience. I enjoyed it like a roller coaster, but more so like the effects of meditation; just chill and calm and content. I recall that memory for the the peak of a calm and free night; when you hop in a car with friends truly clear-headed from responsibility or anxiety. It's an emotion I can't describe, but recall very fondly. When I first started going out and doing crazy stuff with friends. I had never felt more alive that those nights, and that peace of mind came strongly during that car ride
In Short,
I want to do this at some point in my life
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/990698/insane_flying_past_mountains/
I love running and biking really fucking fast. It brings me back to that calm place, moving so fast that all the worries in the world fly away as fast as the world
Working out really hard gets me there, too
This is why being inured depresses me more than most anything combined. Fortunately, I have a new mindset that helps me deal, and I've been so sick with frustration at my plight that I've numbed up to it. At times I've slipped up and hurt myself again. What an odd peace of mind self destruction brings. Just letting that rage go on yourself. That's why I love racing sports and exercise almost more than the joy one gets from moving freely on a strong and fit body. Like when mountain biking I get more thrill from forcing myself back up the mountain we just sped perilously down
I miss those days when I could just drop everything and go run till I burst. One angry night I went out and hauled ass for 3 hours. My first half marathon 5 months from the last time I had ever run
Woopdeedoo
Body, I sure could use you right about now