Purely for my own (puerile) amusement
gleefully stolen.....
25 Fun Things For Non-Christians To Do In Church
1. If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother: "IF YOU DON'T SHUT THAT GODDAMN THING UP SO HELP ME GOD I'LL KILL IT!!!"
2. Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel has spoken!"
3. Pull aside a weepy looking child from a Sunday School class and say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."
4. Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front rows, hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: "Would you rather be stoned or crucified?"
5. Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this seat SAVED?"
6. At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes. Announce that you can see an image of Jesus.
7. Turn to your neighbor, whisper: "This do in remembrance of me," and lick them.
8. Toss around a giant beach ball before service, like at Grateful Dead concerts.
9. During the service, play with plastic dinosaurs. When asked what you're doing, respond tearfully: "These are dinosaurs. They ruled the earth over 65 million years ago. Now they're dead. Do you think they're in heaven?"
10. When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece of paper with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.
11. Drool in the collection plate.
12. Bring along a plate from home and take up your own collection.
13. Un-tune the piano.
14. Replace the pianist's gospel sheet music with "Muskrat Love".
15. Stand up every few minutes during the sermon and ask questions about God's personal plan for YOU.
16. Start a wave.
17. When attendance is taken, use a crayon to sign fake names like "Hugh G. Rection" and "Oliver Klozoff".
18. When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh, Christ! Here we go with the song bit again."
19. Make calls to 900 numbers on the phone in the kitchen.
20. At the sermon's conclusion, demand to be given equal time to assert your hypothesis that God is actually a little green watering can in Geneva.
21. Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate wildly about how tasty it is.
22. Fake a possession.
23. Distribute condoms.
24. Ask where the nearest ashtray is. Offer smokes to everyone in your pew. Light up.
25. Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the LORD are upon you!!!"
25 Fun Things For Non-Christians To Do In Church
1. If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother: "IF YOU DON'T SHUT THAT GODDAMN THING UP SO HELP ME GOD I'LL KILL IT!!!"
2. Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel has spoken!"
3. Pull aside a weepy looking child from a Sunday School class and say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."
4. Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front rows, hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: "Would you rather be stoned or crucified?"
5. Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this seat SAVED?"
6. At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes. Announce that you can see an image of Jesus.
7. Turn to your neighbor, whisper: "This do in remembrance of me," and lick them.
8. Toss around a giant beach ball before service, like at Grateful Dead concerts.
9. During the service, play with plastic dinosaurs. When asked what you're doing, respond tearfully: "These are dinosaurs. They ruled the earth over 65 million years ago. Now they're dead. Do you think they're in heaven?"
10. When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece of paper with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.
11. Drool in the collection plate.
12. Bring along a plate from home and take up your own collection.
13. Un-tune the piano.
14. Replace the pianist's gospel sheet music with "Muskrat Love".
15. Stand up every few minutes during the sermon and ask questions about God's personal plan for YOU.
16. Start a wave.
17. When attendance is taken, use a crayon to sign fake names like "Hugh G. Rection" and "Oliver Klozoff".
18. When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh, Christ! Here we go with the song bit again."
19. Make calls to 900 numbers on the phone in the kitchen.
20. At the sermon's conclusion, demand to be given equal time to assert your hypothesis that God is actually a little green watering can in Geneva.
21. Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate wildly about how tasty it is.
22. Fake a possession.
23. Distribute condoms.
24. Ask where the nearest ashtray is. Offer smokes to everyone in your pew. Light up.
25. Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the LORD are upon you!!!"