inescapable feeling
Ever get the feeling that you're being played for a fool? That the person you want most in your life wants you only for what they can get out of you? That while you wait for the next moment you can see, hear, smell, touch them, they only seem to come around because they have nothing else going on for them
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You said that if we were supposed to be together, then it would have worked out. Can you explain, then, how come we've gotten along like we should have from the start since our breakup? It's not because of the "you're better as friends" excuse, since we still talk everyday, and she still comes over 4 or 5 times per week, sometimes even staying the night. (The visits have cut back a little because of her schooling, and that I have a friend crashing here, but the fact of the matter is that we are better now than we ever were!) She even came to the recent realization that if it weren't for the way she acted with other guys, then there would have been little stress in our relationship. I never said she couldn't have friends... I just asked (or demanded, as it apparently seems to be understood) that she didn't concentrate everything she had on them. I understand that she is more of the "quality v quantity" in the friend area, but having one friend (be it male or female) who consumes most of your thoughts and energies is not conducive to a healthy romantic relationship with the person you're supposedly committed to. Even people I've talked to said that if you're committed enough to share the same space with someone, then more of your attention should be on them, not on others.
Perhaps I did push her away. Perhaps I did drive her to someone else. I can say with absolute honesty that I didn't do so intentionally. If anything, it was a subconscious way to distance myself from the hurt and pain that I saw was going to be inevitable, based on how she interacted with her "friends". I tried to give all of myself, for whatever that was worth. I guess it means more to some than it does to others...
I told you I tend to flow out a lot of stuff once I got to writing. I know I could go on and on forever, but I also know that there's nothing I could ever say to get most people to understand what I'm thinking (in this, and most other things).
In the end, I'm still here for her. I admit that there was a time when my mind wasn't all the way in it, but my heart never left. For whatever that's worth...
(btw, this is probably the most comments I've ever had on one post haha)
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Your right, maybe John's not following through anymore. Thats fine. I meant more of back when it happened. You say she started doing the things your ex did and you couldn't help but be paranoid, and by every right you do. I've done the same myself. But what you gotta learn is to other really trust them or let them go. You cannot stop someone from leaving you, cheating on your, or losing interest. There might be preventative things you can do. There by be ways to totally avoid it at all costs for a long time. But personally, you shouldn't be with someone if they can't keep faithful. For the time you guys been together, if everything was good, then she should have had no reason to leave. To me, its a thing you cant avoid. Hit or miss, no in between. Especially when it comes to find that one for you.
Your personality or paranoid traits might have pushed her away. I know, Megan knows, and I know you know, you didn't do it on purpose. Every relationship I have had, the girl has left me for another. It affected my relationship with megan, but we got thro it. She understood why they way I was, and help get thro it. Kerry might not have seen this and took it as you being the way you are, and not trusting her. Maybe shes too free spirited or something. Or not ready to settle. Its life. Life was made to be easy or get things easy. Everyone is to blame here. Its everyones fault.
The reason you get along now is YOU guys don't have all the tie down stuff that comes with a relationship. Your not being paranoid over her. Your not telling her who and what to see. Theres just friendship. Im not saying "you're better as friends" im just saying, theres more freedom and less stress between you, creating a better relationship. Maybe it can reevolve back into what you had. But for now, things just need to move on. Be her friend if you choose, personally, I've found it harder that way. If your truely meant to be together, she will come back. She will see what you had to offer and want that. You sir need to see what you did to push her away, and try to overcome those.
BAAAHHH life eh?
aye..its good your still that faithful, maybe it will pay off. Just dont hold yourself down to her.
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