(no subject)
Bruce died yesterday. It's weird, having someone so close to me die. My grandmother died when I was young. I don't remember much of the situation. I guess I was too little to comprehend the situation. I remember everyone in the house was crying. I just didn't understand. I went into my room. This was not as easy.
Sure, I've had a lot of forewarning for his death. But we'd been so close for the past four years. It's like, he said the most interesting things. Things that made me think. Now I've lost that. Well, not lost... I'll always have memories I guess. But I'll never have his sharp wit over dinner again. I used to miss him the day after he and Pam would leave. Now I'll be left missing him. Forever.
It's weird, he was so much older than me. But it's one of those things that age doesn't matter at a certain point. I remember one night he and Pam came over and he taught me how to play casino. I eventually started beating him and he kept swearing, in a playful banter kind of manner. Something like that, he found ease in a discussion in a young girl. We started having interesting conversations, things about politics, religion. He wouldn't talk like that with my sister.
He told stories about Australia and we made plans we knew we wouldn't keep. The last time I got to see him, the cancer was in his brain and a lot of things weren't registering. A few hours before he died my mom called me to tell me they were visiting him. I told her to tell him I say hi. Then I thought about what a weak sentiment that is. I mean, what do you say in that situation?
I joked about it with the people I was with. Because that's what I do. I joke about things that really make me sad. I don't think I'll ever lose that annoying tick, but now I realize Bruce would've laughed.
I didn't cry. Maybe I'll cry at the memorial, but now I'm not crying. It's not helping anything, but I guess I'll stick with my art of bottling my sadness up.
I'll remember him through our talks, through playing Casino and through the cameras he gave me. Where do I go from here? I'm realizing that I'll never talk to him ago. It's a downer, but it's true. I'm not going to fool myself. I guess I won't think about it.
G'Night.
Sure, I've had a lot of forewarning for his death. But we'd been so close for the past four years. It's like, he said the most interesting things. Things that made me think. Now I've lost that. Well, not lost... I'll always have memories I guess. But I'll never have his sharp wit over dinner again. I used to miss him the day after he and Pam would leave. Now I'll be left missing him. Forever.
It's weird, he was so much older than me. But it's one of those things that age doesn't matter at a certain point. I remember one night he and Pam came over and he taught me how to play casino. I eventually started beating him and he kept swearing, in a playful banter kind of manner. Something like that, he found ease in a discussion in a young girl. We started having interesting conversations, things about politics, religion. He wouldn't talk like that with my sister.
He told stories about Australia and we made plans we knew we wouldn't keep. The last time I got to see him, the cancer was in his brain and a lot of things weren't registering. A few hours before he died my mom called me to tell me they were visiting him. I told her to tell him I say hi. Then I thought about what a weak sentiment that is. I mean, what do you say in that situation?
I joked about it with the people I was with. Because that's what I do. I joke about things that really make me sad. I don't think I'll ever lose that annoying tick, but now I realize Bruce would've laughed.
I didn't cry. Maybe I'll cry at the memorial, but now I'm not crying. It's not helping anything, but I guess I'll stick with my art of bottling my sadness up.
I'll remember him through our talks, through playing Casino and through the cameras he gave me. Where do I go from here? I'm realizing that I'll never talk to him ago. It's a downer, but it's true. I'm not going to fool myself. I guess I won't think about it.
G'Night.