(no subject)
im gonna have to say that one of the greatest lessons i learned (and still learning) during this winter break was the importance of recognizing and embracing my emotions --- no matter how negative, peculiar, unfamiliar or pathetic they are.
the problem with people who share the same faith as i do is that we tend to deliver out the "right" reaction way before our TRUE initial reactions can even cope with us and/or the situation. jealousy is something that most Bible fanatics clearly understand to be a definite "no-no." my question is, where is faith when the thing meant to be overcome by grace is left beneath the surface? where is the imminence and omnipotence of this redemption when the human quality is hidden and stunted by bumper-sticker mantras?
but back to jealousy... the one emotion (i wouldnt necessarily call it negative since ive recognized it and it has built my character in some way) that i sporadically and unexpectedly experienced this past month. i realized that before i could tell the world that im "not the jealous kind," i first have to tell myself about this "jealous kind" that im being so defensive about. i made a list of things that a "jealous kind" might do in reaction to a circumstance (say, someone leaves your soulmate a rather sweet message on the day you dont get to talk to him), and in all honesty (to God and to myself) checked off the ones that i am guilty of doing. voila! cinelle can no longer plead "not guilty" for she has checked off everything on the list...and has even managed to add more "jealous" reactions to it after checking everything off.
suzy explained to me yesterday that she's one of those people who can intellectually claim to be in a certain "ok" state, but have an emotional reality that has a five-hour lag. i found myself nodding not just in agreement as she spoke, but also nodding in such immense gratitude for the people that help me realize the details of who i am.
so yeah...we need not fear experiencing these emotions, simply because we are human. we also need not disengage ourselves from our actual feelings because people will think we're too weak or too fragile. we cannot confront the person or situation that we intend to react to if we first dont filter through OUR own baggage, crap, history, trauma, etc...
...and also, the friends who are willing to listen as you rant your way to the moment of coming full circle with yourself are your real friends. they are the ones who care not about the product of your process of becoming a "better" person. they give a damn about the agony that you have to drown yourself in as the gravity of the crapload intensifies.
but yeah, as dharma freedom finkelstein montgomery would put it... "embrace your emotions, they are part of who your are. embrace it and work with it, and it will go when it needs to go. ommmmmmmm..."
;)
the problem with people who share the same faith as i do is that we tend to deliver out the "right" reaction way before our TRUE initial reactions can even cope with us and/or the situation. jealousy is something that most Bible fanatics clearly understand to be a definite "no-no." my question is, where is faith when the thing meant to be overcome by grace is left beneath the surface? where is the imminence and omnipotence of this redemption when the human quality is hidden and stunted by bumper-sticker mantras?
but back to jealousy... the one emotion (i wouldnt necessarily call it negative since ive recognized it and it has built my character in some way) that i sporadically and unexpectedly experienced this past month. i realized that before i could tell the world that im "not the jealous kind," i first have to tell myself about this "jealous kind" that im being so defensive about. i made a list of things that a "jealous kind" might do in reaction to a circumstance (say, someone leaves your soulmate a rather sweet message on the day you dont get to talk to him), and in all honesty (to God and to myself) checked off the ones that i am guilty of doing. voila! cinelle can no longer plead "not guilty" for she has checked off everything on the list...and has even managed to add more "jealous" reactions to it after checking everything off.
suzy explained to me yesterday that she's one of those people who can intellectually claim to be in a certain "ok" state, but have an emotional reality that has a five-hour lag. i found myself nodding not just in agreement as she spoke, but also nodding in such immense gratitude for the people that help me realize the details of who i am.
so yeah...we need not fear experiencing these emotions, simply because we are human. we also need not disengage ourselves from our actual feelings because people will think we're too weak or too fragile. we cannot confront the person or situation that we intend to react to if we first dont filter through OUR own baggage, crap, history, trauma, etc...
...and also, the friends who are willing to listen as you rant your way to the moment of coming full circle with yourself are your real friends. they are the ones who care not about the product of your process of becoming a "better" person. they give a damn about the agony that you have to drown yourself in as the gravity of the crapload intensifies.
but yeah, as dharma freedom finkelstein montgomery would put it... "embrace your emotions, they are part of who your are. embrace it and work with it, and it will go when it needs to go. ommmmmmmm..."
;)