Long ranting post about the Empty Hearse is long and shit
Okay so long-ass Empty Hearse review, let's get this over with.
Overall that episode left me very conflicted, especially after the Caitlin Moran Debacle; the references to the fans and the fandom didn't feel respectful or an homage but rather dismissive and mocking IMO. Which -- not cool. Or maybe it would have been fine if the creators of the show hadn't repeatedly called the fangirls delusional after playing fast and loose with queer baiting, screaming NO HOMO at the top of their lungs and if there hadn't been Morangate. Also it would actually make a change if the fan viewpoint wasn't constantly played for laughs. Dude, you're fanboys yourselves. Don't think you're better than us, some fics are leagues above this episode, come the fuck on.
There's also a horrible thought that crossed my mind: it's that the treatment of the fans within this episode maybe actually gave Caitlin Moran inspiration and sort of enabled her to do what she did. I'm not saying Gatiss is responsible for what happened, but when you start to make fun of the fans like that I guess increases the odds of something like that happening.
Anyway, my theory is that so far in each season of Sherlock, there's two very good if not brilliant episodes, and then there's always one that's a bit rubbish if not complete crap (The Blind Banker in season 1 and Hounds of the Baskerville in season 2). After watching The Sign of Three, I think The Empty Hearse might very well be the rubbish one. Which is a shame, really, because The Empty House is one of the most iconic Sherlock Holmes stories from canon and, again, most fics that revolved around Sherlock's return during the hiatus were more solid plot-wise and more satisfying emotion-wise. So personal message to Mofftiss: don't mock the fans if you can't do better than them, guys. Try to write good stories. That's what we do.
Let's do the rest in bullet points, since I can't be arsed to write up a proper review:
-I was annoyed that there was no Sally Donovan and HER aftermath of Sherlock's absence then rehabilitation. At least we see her in The Sign of Three (which is perfect in so many aspects), but still, not enough.
-SERIOUSLY THE FUCK WAS THAT TRANSITION WITH THE TWO CUPS AND JOHN'S EYES??? DON'T DO TRANSITIONS LIKE THAT IT'S STUPID
Overall the cinematography and visual style were just a liiiiiittle subpar compared to the previous seasons. Apparently there's a slight frontier between just right and too vulgar in this show that I wasn't aware of, and that episode sort of brought it to light... by crossing it to the wrong side.
-John totally shaves for Sherlock. Bring on the shaving fics with lots and lots of dirty sex.
-Other than that, I LOVE Amanda Abbington, I really like Mary, and I'm very very very worried about her and the possibility of her getting fridged. I KNOW Mary Morstan dies in canon, okay. But the whole fucking show is an AU and they twist canon this way and that, so why not let Mary live? Please let Mary live.
-Mycroft and his goldfish: wow Sherlock was surprisingly concerned about his brother and his brother's love life and "heart" and loneliness and whatnot. I'm irrationally hoping it's all in preparation for Mystrade (the insistence on Mycroft being lonely, Lestrade repeatedly shown celibate and miserable, Molly has a fiancé now and is finally happy in matrimony) but I'm not holding my breath. It would be really nice, though, and a form of apology to the fans since Mystrade is a 100% fan construct. How about a SILVER fish, Mycroft?
-Speaking of, the Lestrade!hug just made me melt into a puddle of goo. So cute. SO CUTE.
-And on the chapter of queerbaiting (or blatant homophobia): a long heroic (and admittedly very very hot okay) kiss for Molly but a kiss between Sherlock and Moriarty brutally cut before completion? Seriously? Oh well. Long gone are the days where Jack Harkness gave the Ninth Doctor and Rose Tyler a kiss on the lips with the exact same treatment and respect. It would be nice to have that back tho.
-lol John gets abducted a lot doesn't he
-Re: the different theories of how Sherlock survived: "haha how ridiculous they were, no, the official explanation was of course A GIANT INFLATABLE CASTLE" ARE YOU SHITTING ME is this supposed to be LESS ridiculous than all the other ones?
The Anderson scene was supposed to be there to tell us that the explanation of how he did it didn't really matter in the end, but the problem is that it's cowardly. You're supposed to tell a story, here, which in my book is something deadly important and grave. Choose a storyline and stick to it, and be responsible for the consequences.
The best summary about this is what I found in the comments section in this Telegraph article:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/10553570/Sherlock-creator-denies-plot-holes-in-BBC-drama.html
Watson: All right, all right...I'm not angry anymore...I'm ready to hear how you did it.
Holmes (raises eyebrow sardonically): Are you really, Watson? (gazes out over the city in high functioning sociopathic despair) Really?
Watson: Yes, and don't give me the face. It doesn't make sense to me...your death, I mean. Please don't talk to me about bungee jumps and big blue bouncy castles, I'm not buying it.
Holmes: Ahahahah.
Mrs Hudson (enters with biscuit tray and teapot): Tea anyone?
Watson: Mrs Hudson, how did you get up here to this, the busiest speculative high point in London?
Sherlock: GET OUT!
(Mrs Hudson throws herself off roof. Bounces back up, falls again, repeat, tea tray and biscuits intact. Repeat ad infinitum.)
Watson: How does she do that?
Holmes: How indeed. Let us speculate on that for 10 minutes.
Watson: No, let us stick to the point for once. How did you fake your own death?
Holmes: I expect a certain calibre of intelligence from my audience (Watson looks around haplessly. Ain't nobody there 'cept him and the bouncing landlady)
Holmes. You were there Watson. You saw everything. What do you deduce?
Watson: I deduce that...um...um...Oh! (The light dawns) No, Sherlock, no. I mean yes, I...Oh my god ( waves finger in air deductively) I think..no, I know! I know. My word. You certainly do expect intelligence from your audience don't you?
Mycroft (standing on corner of roof, nodding): Ahahahah.
Watson: Mycroft how did you...no,never mind. So the writers cobbled together some great bits and pieces with no real thread, and pretty much dared the audience to work it out. But there is nothing to work out - yet. They're trusting the fandom to create some brilliant and coherent possibilities because millions of mind are better than two and a half! So it's just a question of trawling through forums for a few years and then...Bingo BBC cheque! For the Emperor's New Clothes! Ahahahah!
Holmes: Ahahahah!
Mycroft (sadly) Ahahahah! (throws himself off roof)
Watson: No, Mr Gatiss! The bouncy castle's on the (SFX: tragic squelch)...other side...
Holmes: Time for some footage of me puking (throws up)
THE END
Anyway, I agree with John: I really, REALLY didn't care how he did it (I was amazed at how ~important~ it was to some people, like honestly, it's not like this show is an example of plausibility and realism, most of the plots are a bit bullshit), I just wanted the emotional pay off... the problem is I thought, in that department, the episode was a bit... lacking. On Sherlock's part, at least. I wanted to see Sherlock groveling, I wanted to see him emotionally compromised... but it seems Mark Gatiss is a little too used to the recent Doctor Who writing because Sherlock mostly escaped all that while John suffered. AGAIN. Although Sherlock hearing John's voice in his head was a good thing I have to say, I hope he's been hearing it for the past two years, the bastard.
-Anderson's scene was only there to provide reaction gifs for Tumblr, right?
-I said most of the plots are a bit bullshit, but THIS plot was A LOT of bullshit. Like, there's always off switches on terrorist bombs. Okay.
Also the mystery was so dumb it felt like watching Elementary (OH YES I WENT THERE BOOOOM). Again, it's not like the mysteries in Sherlock are generally watertight, but there's always some interesting or surprising elements to it, and you can feel there was a bit of work behind them. "Not an underground network, an UNDERGROUND network!!!!!111!!!!1" wow. Amaze. Oh and by the way, Alan Moore phoned, he wants his V for Vendetta plot back.
Overall I felt there was a problem with the rhythm too. Getting to the hidden Tube car took an unnecessarily long time for some reason. There were a lot of moments where I felt a bit bored. You can do better than this, show, I know you can.
-In the carriage I thought John would try to phone Mary, try to get a signal no matter what -- I mean, those are his last minutes aren't they? Instead he declares his undying love for Sherlock. Good job on selling us your het ship guys, you didn't even try, did you? If Sherlock hadn't started laughing like a dick I'm sure they would have ended up kissing.
-as much as I LOVED seeing Benedict's RL parents as Sherlock's parents, berylia says those can't be Sherlock and Mycroft's parents and I think she's right. The punchline here is that they're completely normal; however, would normal parents let their children go so long without meeting other children? Would normal parents behave so naturally around their completely out of the ordinary sociopathic/masters-of-the-universe children? Wouldn't there be at least a little bit of friction? The fact that the Holmes brothers have ordinary parents is like something out of a sitcom: funny, sure, but I don't think it likely in terms of character dynamics and psychology. So berylia's headcanon (and mine too) is that they're actually employees of the Holmes household that Sherlock calls his parents because he's been effectively raised by them; Mycroft doesn't call them his parents but nevertheless considers he owes them an eternal debt because he had to go away to Eton (or some other boarding school) when Sherlock was little and couldn't take care of him. Which is why, if they want to see Les Miz in London, Mycroft will take them because he's a man of honour. Also I'll stick to my headcanon that Mummy Holmes is completely bonkers (hence, again, Sherlock raised by the employees of the Holmes household).
Hmmm it seems I'm a bit grumpy today so it shows in my review which appears more negative than I intended. I didn't hate that episode all that much, really; it's just that as a season opener for a show that's been on hiatus for TWO YEARS, it felt a bit like a letdown.
Luckily, The Sign of Three set everything right again for me and I think it skyrocketed to first place as my favourite Sherlock episode of all three seasons (even the mystery was good! Well done, show, well done!).
Now I need fics, angsty fanvids and angsty songs to make some angsty fanvids myself. Yeah.
Overall that episode left me very conflicted, especially after the Caitlin Moran Debacle; the references to the fans and the fandom didn't feel respectful or an homage but rather dismissive and mocking IMO. Which -- not cool. Or maybe it would have been fine if the creators of the show hadn't repeatedly called the fangirls delusional after playing fast and loose with queer baiting, screaming NO HOMO at the top of their lungs and if there hadn't been Morangate. Also it would actually make a change if the fan viewpoint wasn't constantly played for laughs. Dude, you're fanboys yourselves. Don't think you're better than us, some fics are leagues above this episode, come the fuck on.
There's also a horrible thought that crossed my mind: it's that the treatment of the fans within this episode maybe actually gave Caitlin Moran inspiration and sort of enabled her to do what she did. I'm not saying Gatiss is responsible for what happened, but when you start to make fun of the fans like that I guess increases the odds of something like that happening.
Anyway, my theory is that so far in each season of Sherlock, there's two very good if not brilliant episodes, and then there's always one that's a bit rubbish if not complete crap (The Blind Banker in season 1 and Hounds of the Baskerville in season 2). After watching The Sign of Three, I think The Empty Hearse might very well be the rubbish one. Which is a shame, really, because The Empty House is one of the most iconic Sherlock Holmes stories from canon and, again, most fics that revolved around Sherlock's return during the hiatus were more solid plot-wise and more satisfying emotion-wise. So personal message to Mofftiss: don't mock the fans if you can't do better than them, guys. Try to write good stories. That's what we do.
Let's do the rest in bullet points, since I can't be arsed to write up a proper review:
-I was annoyed that there was no Sally Donovan and HER aftermath of Sherlock's absence then rehabilitation. At least we see her in The Sign of Three (which is perfect in so many aspects), but still, not enough.
-SERIOUSLY THE FUCK WAS THAT TRANSITION WITH THE TWO CUPS AND JOHN'S EYES??? DON'T DO TRANSITIONS LIKE THAT IT'S STUPID
Overall the cinematography and visual style were just a liiiiiittle subpar compared to the previous seasons. Apparently there's a slight frontier between just right and too vulgar in this show that I wasn't aware of, and that episode sort of brought it to light... by crossing it to the wrong side.
-John totally shaves for Sherlock. Bring on the shaving fics with lots and lots of dirty sex.
-Other than that, I LOVE Amanda Abbington, I really like Mary, and I'm very very very worried about her and the possibility of her getting fridged. I KNOW Mary Morstan dies in canon, okay. But the whole fucking show is an AU and they twist canon this way and that, so why not let Mary live? Please let Mary live.
-Mycroft and his goldfish: wow Sherlock was surprisingly concerned about his brother and his brother's love life and "heart" and loneliness and whatnot. I'm irrationally hoping it's all in preparation for Mystrade (the insistence on Mycroft being lonely, Lestrade repeatedly shown celibate and miserable, Molly has a fiancé now and is finally happy in matrimony) but I'm not holding my breath. It would be really nice, though, and a form of apology to the fans since Mystrade is a 100% fan construct. How about a SILVER fish, Mycroft?
-Speaking of, the Lestrade!hug just made me melt into a puddle of goo. So cute. SO CUTE.
-And on the chapter of queerbaiting (or blatant homophobia): a long heroic (and admittedly very very hot okay) kiss for Molly but a kiss between Sherlock and Moriarty brutally cut before completion? Seriously? Oh well. Long gone are the days where Jack Harkness gave the Ninth Doctor and Rose Tyler a kiss on the lips with the exact same treatment and respect. It would be nice to have that back tho.
-lol John gets abducted a lot doesn't he
-Re: the different theories of how Sherlock survived: "haha how ridiculous they were, no, the official explanation was of course A GIANT INFLATABLE CASTLE" ARE YOU SHITTING ME is this supposed to be LESS ridiculous than all the other ones?
The Anderson scene was supposed to be there to tell us that the explanation of how he did it didn't really matter in the end, but the problem is that it's cowardly. You're supposed to tell a story, here, which in my book is something deadly important and grave. Choose a storyline and stick to it, and be responsible for the consequences.
The best summary about this is what I found in the comments section in this Telegraph article:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/10553570/Sherlock-creator-denies-plot-holes-in-BBC-drama.html
Watson: All right, all right...I'm not angry anymore...I'm ready to hear how you did it.
Holmes (raises eyebrow sardonically): Are you really, Watson? (gazes out over the city in high functioning sociopathic despair) Really?
Watson: Yes, and don't give me the face. It doesn't make sense to me...your death, I mean. Please don't talk to me about bungee jumps and big blue bouncy castles, I'm not buying it.
Holmes: Ahahahah.
Mrs Hudson (enters with biscuit tray and teapot): Tea anyone?
Watson: Mrs Hudson, how did you get up here to this, the busiest speculative high point in London?
Sherlock: GET OUT!
(Mrs Hudson throws herself off roof. Bounces back up, falls again, repeat, tea tray and biscuits intact. Repeat ad infinitum.)
Watson: How does she do that?
Holmes: How indeed. Let us speculate on that for 10 minutes.
Watson: No, let us stick to the point for once. How did you fake your own death?
Holmes: I expect a certain calibre of intelligence from my audience (Watson looks around haplessly. Ain't nobody there 'cept him and the bouncing landlady)
Holmes. You were there Watson. You saw everything. What do you deduce?
Watson: I deduce that...um...um...Oh! (The light dawns) No, Sherlock, no. I mean yes, I...Oh my god ( waves finger in air deductively) I think..no, I know! I know. My word. You certainly do expect intelligence from your audience don't you?
Mycroft (standing on corner of roof, nodding): Ahahahah.
Watson: Mycroft how did you...no,never mind. So the writers cobbled together some great bits and pieces with no real thread, and pretty much dared the audience to work it out. But there is nothing to work out - yet. They're trusting the fandom to create some brilliant and coherent possibilities because millions of mind are better than two and a half! So it's just a question of trawling through forums for a few years and then...Bingo BBC cheque! For the Emperor's New Clothes! Ahahahah!
Holmes: Ahahahah!
Mycroft (sadly) Ahahahah! (throws himself off roof)
Watson: No, Mr Gatiss! The bouncy castle's on the (SFX: tragic squelch)...other side...
Holmes: Time for some footage of me puking (throws up)
THE END
Anyway, I agree with John: I really, REALLY didn't care how he did it (I was amazed at how ~important~ it was to some people, like honestly, it's not like this show is an example of plausibility and realism, most of the plots are a bit bullshit), I just wanted the emotional pay off... the problem is I thought, in that department, the episode was a bit... lacking. On Sherlock's part, at least. I wanted to see Sherlock groveling, I wanted to see him emotionally compromised... but it seems Mark Gatiss is a little too used to the recent Doctor Who writing because Sherlock mostly escaped all that while John suffered. AGAIN. Although Sherlock hearing John's voice in his head was a good thing I have to say, I hope he's been hearing it for the past two years, the bastard.
-Anderson's scene was only there to provide reaction gifs for Tumblr, right?
-I said most of the plots are a bit bullshit, but THIS plot was A LOT of bullshit. Like, there's always off switches on terrorist bombs. Okay.
Also the mystery was so dumb it felt like watching Elementary (OH YES I WENT THERE BOOOOM). Again, it's not like the mysteries in Sherlock are generally watertight, but there's always some interesting or surprising elements to it, and you can feel there was a bit of work behind them. "Not an underground network, an UNDERGROUND network!!!!!111!!!!1" wow. Amaze. Oh and by the way, Alan Moore phoned, he wants his V for Vendetta plot back.
Overall I felt there was a problem with the rhythm too. Getting to the hidden Tube car took an unnecessarily long time for some reason. There were a lot of moments where I felt a bit bored. You can do better than this, show, I know you can.
-In the carriage I thought John would try to phone Mary, try to get a signal no matter what -- I mean, those are his last minutes aren't they? Instead he declares his undying love for Sherlock. Good job on selling us your het ship guys, you didn't even try, did you? If Sherlock hadn't started laughing like a dick I'm sure they would have ended up kissing.
-as much as I LOVED seeing Benedict's RL parents as Sherlock's parents, berylia says those can't be Sherlock and Mycroft's parents and I think she's right. The punchline here is that they're completely normal; however, would normal parents let their children go so long without meeting other children? Would normal parents behave so naturally around their completely out of the ordinary sociopathic/masters-of-the-universe children? Wouldn't there be at least a little bit of friction? The fact that the Holmes brothers have ordinary parents is like something out of a sitcom: funny, sure, but I don't think it likely in terms of character dynamics and psychology. So berylia's headcanon (and mine too) is that they're actually employees of the Holmes household that Sherlock calls his parents because he's been effectively raised by them; Mycroft doesn't call them his parents but nevertheless considers he owes them an eternal debt because he had to go away to Eton (or some other boarding school) when Sherlock was little and couldn't take care of him. Which is why, if they want to see Les Miz in London, Mycroft will take them because he's a man of honour. Also I'll stick to my headcanon that Mummy Holmes is completely bonkers (hence, again, Sherlock raised by the employees of the Holmes household).
Hmmm it seems I'm a bit grumpy today so it shows in my review which appears more negative than I intended. I didn't hate that episode all that much, really; it's just that as a season opener for a show that's been on hiatus for TWO YEARS, it felt a bit like a letdown.
Luckily, The Sign of Three set everything right again for me and I think it skyrocketed to first place as my favourite Sherlock episode of all three seasons (even the mystery was good! Well done, show, well done!).
Now I need fics, angsty fanvids and angsty songs to make some angsty fanvids myself. Yeah.