A New Thing....
I am glad that lovedinspiteof told me that I needed this. I had looked over his entries in the past but never really said anything about starting my own thing here. I have a blog on msn and yahoo, but I think this will allow me to really say what I want. I have so much going on in my brain right now and don't even know where to start (which is not unusual).
I am finding lately that the "friends" that were suppose to be "friends" are really not, and would just rather be around my friends who will be just that to me and not do anything to make me think that they are not a friend worth having. I am used to people coming and going in my life because it has always been that way, but the ones that choose to stay, I consider them to be in my inner circle. Lately, I have found that one who claims to be there no matter what just lies on not only me but others because she is jealous of me. Now mind you, I don't think that I have much so I know that she can't want that. I certainly have no man that she could take from me. I don't have kids and I have a little college education behind me. How can anybody want something from someone who has nothing? That is so strange to me. I see her life and every once in a while may want to trade lives because she has what I wanted in some aspects... she more knowledgeable, comes from a big family, can sing better than I can, etc. I just don't get it at all. It even hurts to know that she feels the way that she does and what is even worse, I could talk to her about it and it wouldn't change a thing at all. What's even worse is that she lies "just to be telling a lie" as I would say. So I can only imagine what she has told people about me behind my back. I know that sounds strange but it is what it is. If those people were to believe anything that she says even after knowing me for years, then I guess they are just foolish to believe anything that anybody has to say about anyone and I should really reconsider who I want being around me. I think that I have it pegged as to why she does what she does but my main concern is me and why it bothers me so much. A lot of it has to do with me wanting to feel "accepted" by those whom I come in contact with only because everybody seems to walk in and out of my life at any given point in time. I am just so tired of the crap from people and what they dish out. Now if I were to dish out the same madness I get, then I would be wrong because that is not my style. I have gotten to a point whereas I just sit back because she will eventually get caught in her crap and I just pray that it is not me. No one can be in my inner circle and just lie about me or to me about anything . To me, that means that you'll tell me anything to pacify me about any issue that I may have and I am not comfortable with that. I guess I just have to stop putting people in my inner circle on such a high place because they will eventually fall down. Should that happen, it wouldn't hurt so bad if it ever happens.