the nowhere man
Paul is a somewhat lazy man. He does the dishes and laundry as rarely as possible. He spends his time on the internet and watching TV. He was running from a past he'd rather forget but it caught up with him. Now he's staring out an attic window in a house he'd rather not be staying. In a town he despises, but something is keeping him here. He nudges his guitar and decides against playing. He's been working on a song lately but it's slow going. He thinks about going out but there's nowhere to go, except the bar, and he's broke.
Finally the call comes. It's her. Christine. A moment of light in an otherwise dull day. they talk for an hour and then his hatred of phone conversations takes over and he suddenly ends the conversation. Hadn't seen her in almost a week and was begining to think this was a bad idea. Beginning to think, "how do I get rid of her" There's girls in other states, other places, girls who'd die to be with him and know his soul. But he doesn't want them, that's why he didn't have them when he had the chance. He discards the idea immediately and turns the television back on.
His mind drifts to that one he just couldn't ever forget, Angela. The one he waited for. The "perfect" one. The one he waited for and waited for and who ran from him so many times. the reason? It was always different. She was scared, she was confused. Whatever. Until a month ago she was still all he could think of. Things have changed. She's the backburner girl now, but he's a good man, though he'll deny it. Good guys don't have "backburner" girls. So he's laying alone at night staring at the walls basically weighing these two women.
The next day Christine comes by. It all disappears. Angela is gone. the past is gone. the confusion is gone. This flags a warning sign for an experienced man like this, maybe it's just a crush, maybe he's just using this to feel good. So when she's gone he denies himself the typically afterglow of thinking about a new love. This continues for a few weeks, but every time it's stronger, until he can no longer believe it's nothing. He can no longer believe that it's just coincidence and that she's going to be gone in a flash like every other love does someday. He's so tired, so lonely. But he won't give that a reason to be with someone. But everytime he sees her he feels it. Cautiously he admits this could be the one he's been spending years looking for. Cautiously he admits he could be wrong about Angela. Cautiously he tries to believe that Christine will not do to him what Angela did if he gives his heart to her.
There's a million things he'd like to say to Angela. A millions screaming burning words. But he won't, that's beneath him (good guy, remember) but it's so hard to give up something you believed in for years. So his soul is enbattled between these two women. both who adore him, love him, say they'd do anything for him.
To an outside observer the choice seems obvious but it's different when you're enbroiled in the thick of it. Have faith in this man. He's (contrary to what he may say) a good man. an Honest man. a loving man. And he knows if he sees Christine one more time, just one more time and it feels like it has felt each other time it will be over. The decision will be done and his path clear.
Until now the unclarity of that guilt has torn him apart. Night by night he can't sleep he doesn't want to eat he just wants Angela to go away. She's not here, and she's hurt him so many times. Why can't he forget about her? Christine is beautiful and wonderful and adores him and he believes her when she says she isn't going anywhere. The past is a funny thing like that. Mark my words, I know this sort of thing. Don't worry for Paul. He'll make the right choice and he'll wind up happy. With the anniversaries and arguments and making up that real couples have with those they really love.
If Paul could give you one piece of advice it's this. Moving on isn't so much moving as it is waiting. Sometimes the only way to make the past disappear is to replace it with something better, especially when the past was so great this can take some time. Have faith, you'll feel it, you'll know it. And if that fails use logic. Weigh pros-and-cons Weigh the reasons why, Weigh who will be hurt by your choices (if you're a good guy, like Paul is, contrary to what he says) The choice is obvious. The only question is how honest to be about it all. This is the sort of thing you can hide, when you know how it will end. But should you? Should you hide your pain and confusion and indecision from the one you want so badly and never thought you'd meet in your lifetime? To spare them a little pain and hurt? Or should you just lay it all out and let them judge for themselves.
-=R=-
Finally the call comes. It's her. Christine. A moment of light in an otherwise dull day. they talk for an hour and then his hatred of phone conversations takes over and he suddenly ends the conversation. Hadn't seen her in almost a week and was begining to think this was a bad idea. Beginning to think, "how do I get rid of her" There's girls in other states, other places, girls who'd die to be with him and know his soul. But he doesn't want them, that's why he didn't have them when he had the chance. He discards the idea immediately and turns the television back on.
His mind drifts to that one he just couldn't ever forget, Angela. The one he waited for. The "perfect" one. The one he waited for and waited for and who ran from him so many times. the reason? It was always different. She was scared, she was confused. Whatever. Until a month ago she was still all he could think of. Things have changed. She's the backburner girl now, but he's a good man, though he'll deny it. Good guys don't have "backburner" girls. So he's laying alone at night staring at the walls basically weighing these two women.
The next day Christine comes by. It all disappears. Angela is gone. the past is gone. the confusion is gone. This flags a warning sign for an experienced man like this, maybe it's just a crush, maybe he's just using this to feel good. So when she's gone he denies himself the typically afterglow of thinking about a new love. This continues for a few weeks, but every time it's stronger, until he can no longer believe it's nothing. He can no longer believe that it's just coincidence and that she's going to be gone in a flash like every other love does someday. He's so tired, so lonely. But he won't give that a reason to be with someone. But everytime he sees her he feels it. Cautiously he admits this could be the one he's been spending years looking for. Cautiously he admits he could be wrong about Angela. Cautiously he tries to believe that Christine will not do to him what Angela did if he gives his heart to her.
There's a million things he'd like to say to Angela. A millions screaming burning words. But he won't, that's beneath him (good guy, remember) but it's so hard to give up something you believed in for years. So his soul is enbattled between these two women. both who adore him, love him, say they'd do anything for him.
To an outside observer the choice seems obvious but it's different when you're enbroiled in the thick of it. Have faith in this man. He's (contrary to what he may say) a good man. an Honest man. a loving man. And he knows if he sees Christine one more time, just one more time and it feels like it has felt each other time it will be over. The decision will be done and his path clear.
Until now the unclarity of that guilt has torn him apart. Night by night he can't sleep he doesn't want to eat he just wants Angela to go away. She's not here, and she's hurt him so many times. Why can't he forget about her? Christine is beautiful and wonderful and adores him and he believes her when she says she isn't going anywhere. The past is a funny thing like that. Mark my words, I know this sort of thing. Don't worry for Paul. He'll make the right choice and he'll wind up happy. With the anniversaries and arguments and making up that real couples have with those they really love.
If Paul could give you one piece of advice it's this. Moving on isn't so much moving as it is waiting. Sometimes the only way to make the past disappear is to replace it with something better, especially when the past was so great this can take some time. Have faith, you'll feel it, you'll know it. And if that fails use logic. Weigh pros-and-cons Weigh the reasons why, Weigh who will be hurt by your choices (if you're a good guy, like Paul is, contrary to what he says) The choice is obvious. The only question is how honest to be about it all. This is the sort of thing you can hide, when you know how it will end. But should you? Should you hide your pain and confusion and indecision from the one you want so badly and never thought you'd meet in your lifetime? To spare them a little pain and hurt? Or should you just lay it all out and let them judge for themselves.
-=R=-