(no subject)
So someone expressed curiousity about my sister and her relation to my wedding reception.
For background purposes, let me describe my living situation. My fiance is originally from Georgia. He and I met online, and he moved here. Last Valentine’s Day, he officially proposed. We have been waffling on the whole wedding date thing, but we felt we had a perfectly justifiable reason for not setting the date in stone: we’re not having a church wedding. We’re both quiet, unassuming people; traditional church weddings with priests, tuxedoes and a dress I’ll probably never wear again just don’t appeal to us.
So we decided to get married by a Justice, and then have a small reception afterward. A problem arose because I felt really guilty about the fact that, realistically, none of my fiance’s family can attend. After some thought, I decided that I wanted two small receptions - one here, right after the wedding, and then in the spring when we go back for our annual visit, we’ll have another one for his family. For the local one, I had really only planned to invite nuclear family (siblings and their people) and a handful of others - friends and other relatives that I’ve maintained a good relationship with over the years… Easily less than thirty people. Given that figure, we thought we’d rent the local grange hall for the afternoon.
That’s the background. On to the screaming and yelling. My sister got hitched… eh, I’ll say six or seven years ago. (I have a bad sense of time. *snerk*) Anyway, SHE had a big church wedding. Her reception was at this nice, fancy country club. As the sister of the bride as well as ONE of the bridesmaids (she had five I think) I had to help her with assembling the custom party favors, making the bridesmaids’ fans (fake flowers glued onto a plastic fan) that she insisted on us carrying in place of a bunch of flowers… dressing out the tables at the reception, things like that. There were upwards of a hundred people at her wedding, once you factored in the relatives, the friends of the bride and groom, guests that invitees had brought, the bandmembers, and so on. Probably more. The whole thing blurs in my mind.
In any case… I’m sure she enjoyed it. I hated it. Didn’t want to go through that hell again. We’d decided on purple and silver for our own colors - incidentally also my sister’s colors. We just happen to like the same ones. When she pointed this out, I told her that we could easily use blue instead, since my fiance and I both like blue.
Now, one day my sister’s car broke down, and my parents were out of town, so they asked me to drive their car over to her house so she could use it while they were gone. I did so, and had her drive me back to my parents’ house to get my own car back. (Our three houses are within five miles of each other) While she’s driving me back, she asks about the reception. I inform her we haven’t made any reservations yet. She then launches into how she’s got this really cool idea, etc etc. I tell her not to worry about it, that I’ll be glad for her help with the decorations, but I’ll take care of the little things.
She got all huffy and said that she was going to handle it herself. I looked at her and she went on to say that because she wasn’t given “a lot of control” over her own wedding, she was going to hijack mine. There was no indication whatsoever that she was joking in any way. “Er, I’m the one getting married.” “Doesn’t matter!”
I let it go, feeling deeply disturbed, and went home. A few days before Christmas, my mother insisted that I come over to her house at 7:30 pm and make cookies. I grudgingly went. While there and halfheartedly making cookies, Mom brought up the wedding again. I said we had no set date, but hoped to tie the knot soon. She just nodded and said “Be sure to reserve the hall early. You know how it is.” I agreed and then said, “But if J keeps acting like an ass, I’m canceling it.” She looked surprised, and I explained. She didn’t really say anything. I then tossed in the childfree bit…
Since my fiance and I are not really “kid” people, I said I wanted to make the reception “age eight and older only.” I added that my nephew, X, who just turned three, would be an exception because he is part of the nuclear family… AND I know he’s quiet and well behaved. Most of the other rugrats I know are most decidedly not good children. Mom blinked and said she didn’t think I could do that.
I blinked back at her and said, “Damn straight I can. It’s my reception for the love of god. Don’t you think I should be able to decide who to socialize with on my WEDDING DAY?” At first she kind of tried to play the “but you’re not having a real wedding” card. I demanded to know how being married by a Justice is in any way less legal than getting married in a church in front of a priest. (As an aside, neither my fiance or I belong to any of the local churches. We’re not agnostics or atheists… more uncommited if anything else, and the thought of being married by a priest of any cloth turns us off.) She angled for “unfairness” and I mentioned that very few people were being invited, and I was not planning on making it an open reception.
“You won’t get as many gifts that way,” she said, and I stared. “God, you think we’re THAT materialistic?! We wouldn’t care if NOBODY gave us anything. We’re not getting married for any other reason than each other… not for the money or the gifts. And if you have a problem with that, you have some serious priority issues.”
She backed off, and I headed home. I later heard from my sister, and apparently my mother had told her everything. She went off on me about the childfree bit - and I pointed out that it should be no skin off her nose - her own son was specifically invited to the reception! Sis switched tactics and started discussing things she wanted to do. At that point I gave up.
I talked with my fiance about the developing situation, and we decided to cancel the reception altogther. We’re still planning a small “congratulations” party, but it’s nowhere near what the reception would have been. A small sheet cake, a snack platter from the local grocery, nuclear family and whatever friends can come. Maybe a movie and pizza instead. A big clown with a blinky nose and a miniature horse and a midget Stooges troupe. Whatever we damn well like. Because by god, it’s OUR wedding and we should be able to plan it any damn way we want.
… Actually, if we could do ANYTHING… We’d get married on the set of the USS Enterprise-D, just because we’re geeky that way. :D (Las Vegas. Trite, you say? We don’t care. It’s Star Trek dammit!)
We’re still planning a small party when we go to Georgia, just because his family deserves to be able to celebrate such an important event with him. And THEY are not bitchy at all about it!
Oy.
For background purposes, let me describe my living situation. My fiance is originally from Georgia. He and I met online, and he moved here. Last Valentine’s Day, he officially proposed. We have been waffling on the whole wedding date thing, but we felt we had a perfectly justifiable reason for not setting the date in stone: we’re not having a church wedding. We’re both quiet, unassuming people; traditional church weddings with priests, tuxedoes and a dress I’ll probably never wear again just don’t appeal to us.
So we decided to get married by a Justice, and then have a small reception afterward. A problem arose because I felt really guilty about the fact that, realistically, none of my fiance’s family can attend. After some thought, I decided that I wanted two small receptions - one here, right after the wedding, and then in the spring when we go back for our annual visit, we’ll have another one for his family. For the local one, I had really only planned to invite nuclear family (siblings and their people) and a handful of others - friends and other relatives that I’ve maintained a good relationship with over the years… Easily less than thirty people. Given that figure, we thought we’d rent the local grange hall for the afternoon.
That’s the background. On to the screaming and yelling. My sister got hitched… eh, I’ll say six or seven years ago. (I have a bad sense of time. *snerk*) Anyway, SHE had a big church wedding. Her reception was at this nice, fancy country club. As the sister of the bride as well as ONE of the bridesmaids (she had five I think) I had to help her with assembling the custom party favors, making the bridesmaids’ fans (fake flowers glued onto a plastic fan) that she insisted on us carrying in place of a bunch of flowers… dressing out the tables at the reception, things like that. There were upwards of a hundred people at her wedding, once you factored in the relatives, the friends of the bride and groom, guests that invitees had brought, the bandmembers, and so on. Probably more. The whole thing blurs in my mind.
In any case… I’m sure she enjoyed it. I hated it. Didn’t want to go through that hell again. We’d decided on purple and silver for our own colors - incidentally also my sister’s colors. We just happen to like the same ones. When she pointed this out, I told her that we could easily use blue instead, since my fiance and I both like blue.
Now, one day my sister’s car broke down, and my parents were out of town, so they asked me to drive their car over to her house so she could use it while they were gone. I did so, and had her drive me back to my parents’ house to get my own car back. (Our three houses are within five miles of each other) While she’s driving me back, she asks about the reception. I inform her we haven’t made any reservations yet. She then launches into how she’s got this really cool idea, etc etc. I tell her not to worry about it, that I’ll be glad for her help with the decorations, but I’ll take care of the little things.
She got all huffy and said that she was going to handle it herself. I looked at her and she went on to say that because she wasn’t given “a lot of control” over her own wedding, she was going to hijack mine. There was no indication whatsoever that she was joking in any way. “Er, I’m the one getting married.” “Doesn’t matter!”
I let it go, feeling deeply disturbed, and went home. A few days before Christmas, my mother insisted that I come over to her house at 7:30 pm and make cookies. I grudgingly went. While there and halfheartedly making cookies, Mom brought up the wedding again. I said we had no set date, but hoped to tie the knot soon. She just nodded and said “Be sure to reserve the hall early. You know how it is.” I agreed and then said, “But if J keeps acting like an ass, I’m canceling it.” She looked surprised, and I explained. She didn’t really say anything. I then tossed in the childfree bit…
Since my fiance and I are not really “kid” people, I said I wanted to make the reception “age eight and older only.” I added that my nephew, X, who just turned three, would be an exception because he is part of the nuclear family… AND I know he’s quiet and well behaved. Most of the other rugrats I know are most decidedly not good children. Mom blinked and said she didn’t think I could do that.
I blinked back at her and said, “Damn straight I can. It’s my reception for the love of god. Don’t you think I should be able to decide who to socialize with on my WEDDING DAY?” At first she kind of tried to play the “but you’re not having a real wedding” card. I demanded to know how being married by a Justice is in any way less legal than getting married in a church in front of a priest. (As an aside, neither my fiance or I belong to any of the local churches. We’re not agnostics or atheists… more uncommited if anything else, and the thought of being married by a priest of any cloth turns us off.) She angled for “unfairness” and I mentioned that very few people were being invited, and I was not planning on making it an open reception.
“You won’t get as many gifts that way,” she said, and I stared. “God, you think we’re THAT materialistic?! We wouldn’t care if NOBODY gave us anything. We’re not getting married for any other reason than each other… not for the money or the gifts. And if you have a problem with that, you have some serious priority issues.”
She backed off, and I headed home. I later heard from my sister, and apparently my mother had told her everything. She went off on me about the childfree bit - and I pointed out that it should be no skin off her nose - her own son was specifically invited to the reception! Sis switched tactics and started discussing things she wanted to do. At that point I gave up.
I talked with my fiance about the developing situation, and we decided to cancel the reception altogther. We’re still planning a small “congratulations” party, but it’s nowhere near what the reception would have been. A small sheet cake, a snack platter from the local grocery, nuclear family and whatever friends can come. Maybe a movie and pizza instead. A big clown with a blinky nose and a miniature horse and a midget Stooges troupe. Whatever we damn well like. Because by god, it’s OUR wedding and we should be able to plan it any damn way we want.
… Actually, if we could do ANYTHING… We’d get married on the set of the USS Enterprise-D, just because we’re geeky that way. :D (Las Vegas. Trite, you say? We don’t care. It’s Star Trek dammit!)
We’re still planning a small party when we go to Georgia, just because his family deserves to be able to celebrate such an important event with him. And THEY are not bitchy at all about it!
Oy.