"Impact" by Scarlet Ibis
Author: Scarlet Ibis
Title: Impact
Rating: PG-15
Season/Pairing: BtVS season 6/Spuffy
Spoilers: Starts with the episode "Smashed", and then veers off canon.
Genre(s): Romance
Summary: Takes place during "Smashed," right after Spike says, "Afraid to give me the chance?" and Buffy has him pinned against that column. you know the part. And no, this is not some smut recap. Not in the least.
Status: Complete.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, nor do I make any kind of money from writing about them. This is all in good fun and for non profit entertainment purposes only.
“You’re afraid I’m gonna hurt you.”
Buffy’s jaw clenched as she released Spike’s lapels.
“Shut. Up.”
“That’s it, isn’t it? Look, pet, I’ll be the first to admit that love is-”
“Spike,” Buffy started, “just don’t.” She turned her back on him. She just stood there, fists clenched like she wanted to hit something-probably him-but she stood still all the same.
“Love can be pain,” he continued quietly, though his voice was strong and steady. “Speaking from first hand knowledge, not that you’re a stranger to that. And that’s the rub, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Buffy, stop living in denial, all right? Bloody Angel hurt you.”
“Angel didn’t…Angelus is not him.”
Spike strode over to her then, grabbed her arm, and spun her around. Gripping her shoulders, he stared her down.
“I am not talking about sodding Angelus,” he said sternly, voice low and almost menacing. “I’m talking about Angel. I’m talking about Captain Cardboard. They walked away all on their own, didn’t they?”
Buffy knocked his arms away, scowling.
“Yeah, like Dru, huh?” she said lightly.
Spike scoffed. “Yeah, let’s try and make this about me, even though I’m not the one with the hang-ups,” he said flippantly. He sighed, attempting to start over more calmly. “I know how I feel about you, and I’m not afraid of it. I’m not running away. I’m not traipsing off to parts unknown, no matter how hard you push, so just. Stop. Testing. Me. All right?” he finished, nostrils flared, breathing deeply from his impassioned statement.
“I can’t…” She trailed off, looking away, teary eyed. “I can’t love you, Spike.”
“Is that right?” he asked, voice trembling. She turned her head sharply, looking at him, anger and hurt on her face.
“You know I can’t.”
“Can’t, or don’t? Two different things, that. But let me guess, huh? It’s against the rules, is it? I don’t count? Don’t have a shiny, good soul? Is that it?”
Buffy just stood there looking at him, her expression somber.
“Well guess what, pet? I don’t give a piss about the rules, and neither should you. I’ve changed, Buffy. Why won’t you see that?” he pleaded.
“Spike-”
“I’ve changed. And I love you. That’s all there is to it.”
“But I don’t love you,” she said quietly.
“You can’t,” he said bitterly.
She looked away, wrapping her arms around herself.
Spike sighed, turning on his heel.
“Maybe not now. Maybe not tomorrow,” he said as we walked away, “but give it time, love.” He paused, turning partially to face her.
“In the meantime, I’ll give you some space, yeah? But no worries-I won’t be far. Whenever you’re ready to come out, well, you know where to find me.”
Buffy looked startled at his statement, but before she could respond in any way, he turned and left; left her alone in the dark, abandoned house. She looked around the hollowed out, unstable structure for a moment and released a shaky sigh. Then, she walked out, leaving the abandoned building behind her.
PART TWO
Buffy took a deep breath as she stood in front of his crypt door.
Four days. It had been four days since she’d seen him last. He hadn’t been at her house, the Magic Box, patrol…Just “poof”-no Spike. It disturbed her that she was more disturbed that she hadn’t seen him in nearly a week as opposed to being disturbed by his chip not working on her. Shaking her head while mentally trying to shake off her concern about that, she opened his door, and then closed it behind her with caution, spying him in his fridge behind the counter, rummaging through it.
“Hey, you haven’t been around in awhile,” she said nonchalantly, not moving from the door.
“Could say the same about you, pet. 'Sides, told you I’d give you-us both some space, didn’t I?”
“Didn’t think you meant it.”
“Well, I did,” he responded casually. “Surprised?” he asked, back still to her as he closed the fridge door after finding what he wanted.
“Yeah. Not just…I missed you,” she admittedly quietly, confusion crossing her face as she said the words.
“That shock you, did it?” he asked monotonously.
“I just said that it did,” she said irritably. “I hear it takes twenty-nine days to form a habit. We’ve spent more time together than that.”
“Ready to break the nasty habit then?” His tone was innocent, hiding his true emotions. What those were-anger, genuine curiosity, hurt-she wasn’t sure. And it annoyed the hell out of her that she couldn’t read him.
“I didn’t say it was ‘nasty,’ just a habit.”
“Uh huh,” he answered blithely, fixing himself a drink.
She stood there, watching as he purposely kept his back to her.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“I have, pet. Had a nice dialogue going, didn’t we?”
“I mean…say anything else? Look at me, at least?”
He sighed, taking his drink in hand as he walked to his comfy chair, sitting down with his eyes on her all the while.
“Well, clearly you had something else to add. What do you have on your mind, Slayer?”
She walked further into the room, hands at her sides, and then folded her arms as she stood in front of him.
“I do have something to add, I just…don’t know what it is, exactly.”
Spike sat back in his chair, rolling his eyes at what he was about to say, knowing just how poncy it was going to make him sound. He wasn’t sure if he was more miffed at her or himself for this next bit.
Eh, let’s go with her for the hell of it.
“Well, don’t know if it means much, but if it does, for the record, I missed you, too."
“You did?” she asked, voice small.
He looked up at her, his gaze soft and his smile…sad. “Buffy, of course I did.”
“Oh,” she said with a smile, shoulders loosening as she sat on the crate across from him, hands folded neatly in her lap. She looked at him, her expression slightly pensive.
“So…what now?”
“Don’t rightly know. I suppose the first question now would be…what is it that you want?”
“Well, what do you want?” she countered.
He gave her a sideways glance at that, a smirk on his face. He brought the glass to his lips to cover it, taking a long drink. Once he collected himself, he looked at her, his expression humorless. “I want you, Buffy.” Her back involuntarily stiffened at attention to the drop in octave of his voice. “Not just your friendship or a shoulder to cry on or a patrol partner or…a few stolen kisses. I want all of it.” He paused, leaning forward in the chair, forearms braced on his knees as he looked down. “I want to take you out. Dance with you. Sit on your couch for an evening and watch the telly.” He gave a self deprecating smile at that. “I want to sodding hold your hand. Happy now?"
He looked at her then, seeing her eyebrows raised practically to her hairline. She said nothing. Spike cleared his throat, suddenly more nervous than he recalled ever being.
“So, uh…what is it that you want, then?”
“Me? Oh…” she trailed off, looking down at the ground. “To get rid of this…weight in the pit of my stomach, you know?” she asked, looking up at him. “Being back here-it’s been rough. Understatement, okay. But it’s easier to bear when I’m with you. And when you weren’t around, it was harder. And lonely. And I think, maybe…”
Spike gripped his glass and clenched his jaw, willing himself not to say or do anything, waiting for her to finish. She looked up at him, eyes tender, yet curious.
“I think maybe we should try to be something…more. I mean, you don’t have a soul to lose, so a plus-in a weird, bizarro kind of way.”
“Yeah, and uh, I don’t have an inferiority complex over you being stronger than me. In fact, I think it’s right sexy.”
“Huh?”
“Come on pet-Captain Cardboard?”
“Oh,” she replied with an uneasy smile.
“So…how do we start, love?”
“Actually, I’m not so good with the…Tell you what-you lead, I’ll follow. I’m progressive enough to allow someone else to take the reins. Not that I’m not capable of handling reins, with the steering and the…yeah.”
Spike smiled, putting down his glass as he stood up. He reached for her hand.
“Well, in that case, I say I steer us to the Bronze then, eh? This calls for a celebration.”
“Celebration?” she asked, taking his hand. He led her towards the door, grabbing his coat on the way.
“Absolutely. Drinks, dancing, spicy wings and blooming onions. Maybe some pool, if you’re up for it.”
“For…?”
“To commemorate our ‘something more,’ huh? With an actual date. Simple, sure, but I figure, baby steps is where it’s at.” He paused, releasing her hand briefly to put on his coat. He swallowed nervously, opening the door and holding it for her. “Is that all right?” he asked quietly.
Buffy smiled, hesitantly taking his hand again. She walked across the threshold, leading the way.
The crypt door closed gently behind them.
PART THREE
First were the drinks and the spicy wings. Only one order of bloomin’ onion though-Buffy didn’t fancy onion rings very much and attempted to exclude herself from eating the deep fried snack.
“Come on, love. Just a taste,” Spike persisted, holding a “petal” up towards her mouth. His voice was low and sensually coaxing.
“It’s important to try new things, huh?” she asked rhetorically. She opened her mouth, allowing him to place it gently on her tongue; and to be completely honest, it had nothing to do with trying new things and everything to do with how he asked her.
After, there was pool. Much different than the last time they played, simply because it wasn’t all business. It was fun. Flirty.
And then the band took the stage.
Spike put down his cue, and rounded the table, eyes trained on her all the while.
“Care for a dance?” he asked her, head tilted, and a slight smile on his face.
Buffy extended her hand to him.
“You know I wanna dance,” she replied. He smirked, taking her hand, and lead her to the dance floor.
She blushed slightly as his hands, firm and gentle, found their place on her hips. She placed hers on his shoulders, slowly swaying to the melody with him.
Eyes hooded, Spike watched as a small smile formed on her lips, her hands gliding across his shoulders to the back of his neck. Her fingers gently caressed the short hairs at his nape, and he squeezed her a bit tighter.
He pulled her flush against him, gently kissing her temple. That was when she stopped swaying to the music, back ramrod straight.
Spike pulled back and searched her face questioningly, concerned that maybe it was too fast for her. But her eyes-round and wide-were not on him. She was watching something behind him.
Buffy cowered, trying to hide behind his now still form. Spike craned his neck around. His jaw tightened slightly as he saw the Scoobies enter.
Quickly, he spun them around so that they would both be clearly visible to the group of three.
“No hiding,” he gritted out tightly, voice low. “We do this, we do it right.” She looked down, brow furrowed. Spike raised his hand, gently cupping her cheek so that she would look at him. “All right?” he asked her quietly.
She paused, breath caught in her throat, staring at him. His gaze was soft, but slightly pained, as if he were expecting her to say no.
Buffy exhaled slowly.
She brought up a hand, cupping one of his as well. She leaned upward and gave him a kiss on his slightly parted mouth as a response.
It was that pain in his eyes that made her say yes.
Slowly, she deepened the kiss, moaning into his mouth as Spike pulled her closer. So lost in the passionate, yet tender kiss, she didn’t hear her friends call her name, didn’t feel the impatient, yet worried tapping on her shoulder.
And when she finally did notice, she didn’t care.
Her friends would just have to deal.
*~*~*~*
“Come on, Xander. Clearly, you’re being ignored. We’re being ignored. They’ll be done when they’re done,” Anya said in exasperation, tugging on her fiancé’s arm.
“But-but-”
“Anya’s right, Xander. Let’s just go sit down. The song will be over soon,” Willow said soothingly, taking his other arm. Both of his gals steered him through the throng of couples to an empty table.
“Well, I didn’t see that coming,” Xander said with an exhale as they sat down. “Any of you see that coming?”
Both Willow and Anya shook their heads “no.”
The three looked down the middle of the crowd at the blond pair, who were now just holding each other, gazing at one another, still swaying as the song came to a close.
“I mean, there wasn’t like a spell or something we should know about, Willow?”
“Xander-”
“Okay, sorry. Maybe demon goo of some kind?” he asked, looking at the two of them. He gave them a wry smile. “It was just a thought.”
“They have been spending quite a bit of time together, right?” Anya asked. “Patrol, and Spike always going over-”
“Not in the last few days," Willow cut in. "But something’s clearly changed,” she finished.
Xander watched as Spike twirled Buffy around slowly so that her back was now to his front. He saw her laugh as Spike did so. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. She placed her hand atop his as they rested on her belly.
“It’s real,” he said softly.
Willow looked at her best friend, worry etched on her face. “Are you going to be okay with this?”
Xander gave her a little smile at the question, though his gaze was still on the pair on the dance floor.
“I haven’t seen Buffy laugh since...It's been a long while. If Spike makes her happy like that,” he paused, his gaze flickering between the worried face of Willow and the inquisitive one of Anya.
“Then I’ll deal.”
PART FOUR
All idle chatter ceased once the new couple began approaching the table. Xander’s eyes briefly darted down, noticing the “hands of possessiveness.” Spike had one on Buffy’s hip, and Buffy’s arm wrapped around him so that her hand could rest on Spike’s side.
They were doing the whole couplely embrace thing while walking.
Yep-it’s a relationship all right, Xander thought.
“So, who wants a drink?” Xander asked everyone once Buffy and Spike finally made it to their table. “You guys want drinks?” Xander asked the women on either side of him.
“I wouldn’t mind a-”
“Spike, how’s about we get the women folk drinks?” Xander interrupted Willow, quickly getting up from his seat and grabbing Spike by the arm, steering him towards the bar.
Willow, eyes on the guys all the while, asked, “Aren’t you worried?”
“Nah,” Buffy said, watching them as well as they moved through the crowd to the bar. “Spike’s a big boy.” She looked at Willow and Anya and gave a slight shrug with a hint of a pout. “Okay-maybe just a little.”
“Xander’s just doing the whole big brother thing,” Anya explained. “He wants to make sure that Spike is a proper suitor.”
“I know,” Buffy said with a small smile on her face.
Willow looked at her best friend, a hopeful look on her face. “You happy?”
Buffy looked back at her, a shy smile on her face. “Yeah, I am.”
*~*~*~*
“So…”
Spike raised an eyebrow at that. “Yeah, so…?”
“You and Buff, huh?”
“Yeah,” Spike said with a smile, looking away.
"How long this been going on?” Xander asked in an innocent enough tone, though his body language read “interrogation.”
“Technically, today. Officially, today.”
Xander frowned slightly, motioning with his hands. “And…unofficially?”
Spike smirked, leaning against the bar. “Not polite to kiss and tell.”
“There’s been more kissing? Or more than what we had to suffer through and witness? No wait-I don’t wanna know.”
“Good, 'cause I wasn’t planning on sharing.”
“So you’re like, boyfriend and girlfriend now?” Xander asked, confusion written all over his face.
“Pfft, no,” Spike said with a dismissive hand, turning towards the bar.
“Yuh huh,” Xander said skeptically. “Then what do you call it?”
“Well, she’s my lady now, isn’t she? ‘Girlfriend’ is terribly juvenile.”
“And you’re her…fella?” Xander asked, clearly amused.
“I prefer gentleman caller,” Spike said thoughtfully, not falling for the bait.
Xander patted Spike on the back, turning towards the bar as well. “Well, as long as you come ‘callin’’ correct, it’s fine with me.”
Spike scoffed. “Now there’s a shocker.”
Xander shrugged. “I don’t see why-things are different. You’re all reformed-”
“Evolved,” Spike corrected.
“Whatever. Besides, you’re a lot more…colorful than Angel ever was.”
“Yeah, like that’s a terribly hard feat,” Spike said with a roll of his eyes.
Xander’s expression turned serious. “That, and I don’t see you as the running away type. Like Angel. And Riley. You’re stubborn as hell.”
Spike looked at Xander then, not sure where he was going with this.
“And someone as stubborn as Buffy? Especially now, not being able to admit if and when she needs help…She needs someone like you. You make her happy.”
“Oh?” Spike asked, looking away, attempting to hide how Xander’s honesty was confusing him, yet touching him all the same.
It was weird.
“Yeah, well,” Xander added, feeling uncomfortable as well. “Let’s get those drinks, huh?”
*~*~*~*
“Wow, I never would have guessed.”
“Guessed what, love?” Spike asked her, as they walked towards Revello after their evening at the Bronze.
Buffy raised their clasped fingers. “That you’re a total hand holder.”
Spike smiled, bringing their joined hands to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly. “I did tell you. 'Sides, lot of things you don’t know about me.” His smile turned into a decidedly naughty smirk.
Buffy blushed, smiling as well. “It’s a good thing we’ve got the time to find out.” She turned slightly, placing her free hand on his chest gently.
Spike laughed a little, releasing her hand so that he could wrap an arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer, and swooping in to give a quick kiss to her temple as they continued to walk slowly, Buffy leaning against him all the while.
“Yeah, pet-we’ve got the time. Lots of exploring to do.”