(no subject)
everything has gone back to normal with me and billy. we are back to being a long distance relationship... everything is as close as a telephone... and its killing me because im crying right now and hes not here to comfort me.. theres no point in telling him im crying either. what could he do? i miss him so much... all i have are pictures. and even those pictures arent comfort at all... i feel like just saying i love you isnt enough if i cant see it in his eyes. i miss him so much... i miss falling asleep with the knowledge that if i need him hes just a room or two away... i miss waking up to him. i miss everything. gods, and then i hear about people complaining that their boyfriend doesnt call all the time- that they dont hang out nearly enough... and then they take everything for granted. i love him more than anything and it tears me apart that when i need him he cant be here. it hurts worse knowing that the next year will be alot harder than this year because i will be getting a job soon... billy will be too.
i just want to know when everything goes back to normal. i want to know when the pain will numb itself again. when i get used to him not being there anymore... but i would rather cry knowing what im missing than be naive to what i could have. at least i was there... at least i was able to be held by him. i want the pain numbed! i want to go back to being happy with what i have! i am... but i miss him... gods i miss him...
i just want to know when everything goes back to normal. i want to know when the pain will numb itself again. when i get used to him not being there anymore... but i would rather cry knowing what im missing than be naive to what i could have. at least i was there... at least i was able to be held by him. i want the pain numbed! i want to go back to being happy with what i have! i am... but i miss him... gods i miss him...