Pet Peeves in Fanfic, Volume One
I do try to read other people's fanfics from time to time, when I'm not writing my own. But sometimes, I feel like I did back in college, when for fun I took a course in Science Fiction Writing and wound up nearly teaching the class, because A). I'd both written and read more science fiction than she had, and B). I had been active in the book SF community for about five years, and not only knew many prominent authors in the field, but also knew most of the editors at the major publishing houses. I found out back then that I lack a lot of the patience to teach people who are just starting to learn something; it's why after all the hard work of studying to become a music teacher, I never wound up teaching. I realized after two semesters of field study and another two of student teaching that I simply do not have the patience to teach the basics to people who just couldn't seem to understand simple things, like “if the note goes up on the staff in the score, the pitch goes up.” With my hair-trigger temper in the state it was back then, it would've gotten ugly.
So, I don't read a whole lot of fan fiction, and I make comments on even less. Because at heart, I'm still an editor as well as a writer, and I was taught the basics of composition and the English Language back in the day when we didn't just have a class called “English” or “Reading” every day in school. We had Reading, Spelling, Grammar, and even Penmanship. Every day, every week, for eight years of primary school. I was doing things like diagramming sentences and parsing verbs and studying the nuances of punctuation starting in the fifth grade - and God help me, I actually enjoyed it. So do most fanfic writers really want to hear my honest, brutal opinion of their work? I doubt it.
Sure, I could and would say some kind things if I felt they were truly deserved, but I'd also point out where things went wrong. Even within the looser, more flexible world of fiction writing, there's a certain minimum standard to which every author should aspire, especially if they really do have aspirations of becoming a professional writer, someday. Yes, I know that a lot of fanfic writers on the net do not have English as their first language - which makes it all the more disturbing when I see that some of the most troublesome fics in terms of the technical aspects do have English as their first language, and some of the better things come from folks for whom English is a second language, at best.
I dunno, maybe they care more because they know it's not their first language. But the whole thing just doesn't say a lot for the state of education in many English-speaking countries, especially the US. I also know that some people will just say, “What difference does it make?” Well, to me, a lot. For one thing, this is yourself you're putting out there, and if you can't spell or construct an intelligible sentence, how do you think people are going to perceive you? Oh, certainly, your buddies won't give a fig, but all those other strangers out there seeing your stuff? Some of them will start reading, and stop because they're hitting brick walls and potholes every time they run into a misspelling or a wrong word or something that is so cliché, it makes a person gag just to see it used for the tenth time in the same very short story.
Okay, enough of that part of the rant. Here are some of my current pet peeves that I see in fanfic, and even in professional fiction, volume one.
Breath/breathe: Breath is a noun. It's the air you take in and out of your body. Breathe is a verb, the action of taking a breath. I take a breath. She breathes.
Pour/pore: Both are verbs, but not the same action; one is to decant liquid, the other to study intently. You pour water over a fire. You pore over a book.
Your/you're/yore: Your is the possessive form of the pronoun you. It is your book.You're is the contracted form of you are.You're reading a book.Yore is an archaic/poetic word concerning past time. King Arthur lived in days of yore.
Their/they're/there: Their is the possessive form of the plural pronoun they. It is their book. They're is the contracted form of they are. They're reading the same book. There is a noun indicating location. The book is over there.
It's/its. It's is a contracted form of it is. It's time for dinner. Its, contrary to logic, is the possessive form of it. The cat has a collar on its neck. Note to anyone using autocorrect: Watch out for this. In Pages on my iPad, if autocorrect is on and I'm not looking, it will turn its to it's automatically.
Peek/peak/pique. Peek is to take a quick or surreptitious look. He peeked into the window. Peak is a tip or summit.They climbed to the peak of the hill. Pique is a noun or verb indicating pricking, irritation, or anger. She stomped off in a fit of pique. The question piqued her interest. Pique (pronounced pee-KAY) is also a kind of fabric, notably pricked all over with tiny holes.
Orbs. As there is a perfectly good word called “said,” there is also a perfectly good word called “eyes.” Eyes may be round in shape, but they are not orbs. Calling eyes orbs is an overused convention of mediocre romance writers and authors of purple prose. Once in a very great while, it's acceptable used as an alternative to eyes (especially if it's being used in literal poetry), but used too often, it screams, “Hi, I'm an amateur.”
That is ultimately the issue with purple prose. When you use seemingly poetic words in place of common nouns and verbs, and load on thick layers of adjectives and tons of description in every other sentence, it loses its impact when you come to a truly appropriate time to use it. (It's also what often prompts some "helpful" nitpickers into labeling every instance of high or deliberately poetic description as purple prose, when it ain't necessarily so.) Maybe calling a spade a spade or an eye an eye seems too cold and clinical to young writers, but it's a mark of maturity in one's craft to know when it's time to be simple - not terse like a news writer, just simple - and when it's time to pull out all the stops and use the florid language in one glorious - and carefully limited - burst in a properly poetic moment. In the process of honing this skill, one also learns how to say a lot in a few elegant words that can cut right to the heart of a reader. When you know how to do both, and learn when it's appropriate to use those skills to communicate in a specific, intended way with your audience, you've come a long way as a writer.
Oh, and one final note on the issue of eyes: one does not weep from the corners of one's retinas. The retina is the internal bundle of optic nerves at the back of the eye, not a synonym for the eye itself. One cannot shed tears from a retina.
And now you know why I think inexperienced writers should need to pass a test before being issued a permit to use a thesaurus. While it can be a useful tool, a thesaurus that merely provides lists of synonyms without definitions can be a dangerous thing, overused by authors looking for a new way to say something. The problem is that while all the words listed as synonyms have similar meanings, they are by no means identical. There are many subtle shades of difference between them - part of the reason they exist in the first place - and if you use a word without knowing exactly what it means first, you can unintentionally change the entire meaning and/or nuance of what you're trying to say. Sometimes in embarrassing ways. Synonyms aren't necessarily interchangeable, and one should always take care before using a new word.
'Nuff for now. Probably more on this again, someday.