It still strikes me when things are made too real. I was talking with a friend about how it was getting easier, moving on, but then I conjured her face in my mind - really brought it to the forefront - and it was my undoing.
We find a way to skirt these traps of the mind, to avoid certain thoughts or stimuli that are too difficult to bare on a regular basis. By this we learn how to live one moment at a time while ignoring those things in our lives that are damaged or missing. I'm getting better at chaining these moments together, those moments where I regain my threads of sanity, but those moments of failure (or perhaps that's of abandon) can only be put off for so long.
If I were to view tragedy as fortune I would say that the only thing saving me right now is that I am overwhelmed with the stress that comes from dealing with work. I don't know what else I can do to prove to them that I am not well. Half a dozen doctors notes of increasing depth have failed to do so so far and now I sit worrying about every cent that passes through my hands while I attempt to improve my mental well-being. But at least it's something else to focus on, something that's different from the sadness.
We find a way to skirt these traps of the mind, to avoid certain thoughts or stimuli that are too difficult to bare on a regular basis. By this we learn how to live one moment at a time while ignoring those things in our lives that are damaged or missing. I'm getting better at chaining these moments together, those moments where I regain my threads of sanity, but those moments of failure (or perhaps that's of abandon) can only be put off for so long.
If I were to view tragedy as fortune I would say that the only thing saving me right now is that I am overwhelmed with the stress that comes from dealing with work. I don't know what else I can do to prove to them that I am not well. Half a dozen doctors notes of increasing depth have failed to do so so far and now I sit worrying about every cent that passes through my hands while I attempt to improve my mental well-being. But at least it's something else to focus on, something that's different from the sadness.