1.
Since I'm to lazy to write in an actual diary, livejournal will do. Besides, my handwriting is horrible so... yeah. I wanted to get rid of my thoughts somewhere. I can't keep them inside, it's tiring and makes everything worse. Twitter is not a good place for it either. I can't even express myself in Polish. It's horrible.
So yeah... I don't feel so well lately. Christmas is coming and I'm happy about it. I will go to my hometown soon and it's great. I miss my family, especially my dad but... Christmas is not gonna be so good this year. It's my favorite holiday of the year. Well, I'm an atheist but it has special meaning to me. People don't really understand it. They think that since I'm an atheist, I shouldn't be so... enthusiastic about this holiday. It's hard to explain. But it's like a Thanksgiving to me (which we don't have here, in Poland).
It's not a problem though... Offtopic.
So, it's gonna be awful this year. I feel empty already. Someone's missing. My grandma is not going to sit with us at the table on the Christmas Eve. I still can't believe she's dead and I'm not gonna see her again. I remember that last year she was perfectly okay... she was teaching me how to cook when I was helping her before Christmas. We were making pierogi and I failed terribly but she promised I will be better each year. I'm not gonna do it with her this year. It hurts like hell.
I can't imagine how bad my mom feels right now. Or my aunt and uncle... My mom was the only one who was with grandma when she passed away. How terrible is that? I hope I won't ever feel that kind of pain.
I will die first, not my parents. I even smoke to die faster. It's pathetic. I'm such a coward.
So yeah... I don't feel so well lately. Christmas is coming and I'm happy about it. I will go to my hometown soon and it's great. I miss my family, especially my dad but... Christmas is not gonna be so good this year. It's my favorite holiday of the year. Well, I'm an atheist but it has special meaning to me. People don't really understand it. They think that since I'm an atheist, I shouldn't be so... enthusiastic about this holiday. It's hard to explain. But it's like a Thanksgiving to me (which we don't have here, in Poland).
It's not a problem though... Offtopic.
So, it's gonna be awful this year. I feel empty already. Someone's missing. My grandma is not going to sit with us at the table on the Christmas Eve. I still can't believe she's dead and I'm not gonna see her again. I remember that last year she was perfectly okay... she was teaching me how to cook when I was helping her before Christmas. We were making pierogi and I failed terribly but she promised I will be better each year. I'm not gonna do it with her this year. It hurts like hell.
I can't imagine how bad my mom feels right now. Or my aunt and uncle... My mom was the only one who was with grandma when she passed away. How terrible is that? I hope I won't ever feel that kind of pain.
I will die first, not my parents. I even smoke to die faster. It's pathetic. I'm such a coward.